Me and I...It's Forever...

I have this deep fear.

That when I grow older, I'll start talking out loud, to no one in particular but to myself.

I do it now.  I talk to myself all the time.  I do enjoy the cozy twosome.

The only difference is that, when I indulge in conversations-with-self, no one can hear what's being said.  It's a silent spoken communication.

In my head:

Me:  Have I really talked about X to someone or was it to myself?  


I: Oh God! I can't remember.  Was it a real conversation?


Me:  I think not.  


I:  Dear God! I'm going crazy...


Yesterday, on my way for a smoking break, from afar, I saw a man, gesticulating wildly to no one in particular.  Since I'm short-sighted, I didn't spot the phone in his hands.

Me:  This guy is nuts.  


I: Uh huh.  *snicker*


Me: Uh oh...


I: What?


Me: Don't you see it?


I: Oh shucks! He's talking to someone on his phone.  He's not nuts.


Me:  He does look like one though.  I mean I can't do that, you know.  Plugging a pair of ear pieces to my phone and then someone calls and I pick up and I whisper loudly on the attached mic.


I:  I know what you mean.  I can't have people throwing me weird looks! 


Me:  But do you remember, years ago, you were doing the same ish?  Talking to Honey Lips while you are standing in a crowded bus, hanging on to your dear life?  It is pretty useful sometimes, ain't it?

An audible growl from I...

I: Fuck you looking at? 


Me: You growled and she heard you! *giggle* 


I:  Ha! She must think I'm crazy. 


And now, I blogged it!

Just A Burning Thought...

I've been horned in the past.  Badly.  It was a long saga of tears, fights, depression, and sorrow.  It was years ago but I still remember.  The pain hasn't gone anywhere.  I'm a woman who forgives but does not forget.  Not ever.  And that's why I don't trust any man.  I just can't.  I believe we are all capable of cheating.

So now every time I see or meet someone with the same name as the 'other woman' I automatically frown and my rude self takes over.  It still happens after all these years.  Like, yesterday I was browsing through 20SB and I saw that name!  My mind immediately got swamped by bitter memories and I said, "Bitch, I ain't gon add you! Fuck you...", and I moved on to the next 20SB-er.

I know it's wrong but I can't help it.

Ever happened to you?

Bitchin'

Every time Honey Lips and I plan on having sex (due to his hectic schedule, we gotta plan!), we fall asleep on each other; sometimes during foreplay! Now you must be saying: "Well, I understand Honey Lips works hard, so he can be excused but what about you? Why do you fall asleep?".

Don't worry, my crystal ball doesn't reveal pertinent secrets, only the obvious ones.  Plus, I ask myself the same question.  I don't do any manual work (remember the old bitch who said my hands are smooth? Yea...there you go...).  As soon as I lie down in bed, my eyes start feeling heavy and before I know it, I'm nodding off like a baby.  What's the reason? I don't have a scooby.

Very often, we catch up in the mornings, all the while discussing who fell asleep the first the previous night. And we always blame each other.  And then after sex, I get bitchy.  It's like the sexual climax releases hatred into my weak system and I bitch like a bitch.  I make noise at everything.  For that too, I got no explanation.

And why the hell am I telling you all this?

Just wanna bitch, that's all.

kthxbai.