...day, month, year!
Make it forever!
While you all were busy watching the TV show 24, I was ensconced in a world full of crime with, for company, Horatio and Grissom. I was so obsessed with CSI that no other TV shows would deviate my attention from that. Then I discovered NCIS. I ditched Horatio and Grissom for Gibbs, Ziva, Tony, Abby and McGee!
And now, since last week Jack Bauer is invading my dreams! I've pulled down all the seasons of 24 and Honey Lips and I are hooked! We can't watch any other TV shows at the moment. Honey Lips wants to skip work because the suspense is killing him. He gets excited like a gullible kid who thinks Santa would climb down the chimney at any moment. My sexual relationship has never been better, mind you.
In one week's time, we finished watching 5 seasons! Tonight, season 6 is on!
Waxing lyrical about Jack Bauer is my new hobby. And that of Honey Lips' too!
Last Friday (while 24 is on):
"Mmm, why are you kissing me so much? You're disturbing me!", I petulantly asked HL.
"I can't kiss Jack Bauer so I'm kissing you!", HL laughed.
"Gay!", I grinned at him.
"Whatever...Jack is THE man!", HL said.
I don't know if that's a good thing or not but right now I don't care because, Jack, fosho, is THE man!
Showing posts with label This Is Not A Sex Blog. Show all posts
Showing posts with label This Is Not A Sex Blog. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Sex Faces
I was 8 or 9 years old and I remember the first thought that crossed my mind when I met one of my teachers was how would he look in his underwear? And I had this clear image of him in a brown speedo (of all things!) and I couldn't stop giggling! Well, yeah, I was a damn precocious child!
Then I reached my 16th birthday. Everything changed. Well, not every thing but let's just say my thoughts took a slight diversion. Instead of underwear, I wonder about sex faces. Yes, faces/expressions you make while having sex. When I meet someone for the first time, I think of sex. That sounds bad, isn't it? I don't want to sex you up. No. Far from that. Here's how it goes in my head when I come across a stranger:
My inside-my-head-voice - if it's a man: Mmm, he's not bad. I wonder how he looks like when he's having sex? Does he moan? Or does he say dirty things to his partner while riding him or her? What expressions does he make when he's about to cum? He looks like the mouth-open-tongue-out-type...I wish I were a fly on the wall or wherever he happens to be when he gets his groove on...
If it's a woman: Mmm, nice boobies (I get turned on by luscious boobies...ssshhh!). Does she like to be on top? This one looks like she moans like the French. You know, like sensual, low-pitched, howling sounds. What facial expressions does she make? Will she look ugly when her vaggie's getting invaded? Does she pant like a licking dog?
And on and on it goes...I try to picture 'em in several positions and mind you, I don't get turned on; it's just a lazy hobby I've freakishly picked up while watching too much porn for the last 8 months! Gah..
I know I look ugly when I moan and groan during intercourse. Honey Lips told me once, post-intercourse, that my face is weird when he's riding me. I always end up with a tear-stained face though. What about ya?
Then I reached my 16th birthday. Everything changed. Well, not every thing but let's just say my thoughts took a slight diversion. Instead of underwear, I wonder about sex faces. Yes, faces/expressions you make while having sex. When I meet someone for the first time, I think of sex. That sounds bad, isn't it? I don't want to sex you up. No. Far from that. Here's how it goes in my head when I come across a stranger:
My inside-my-head-voice - if it's a man: Mmm, he's not bad. I wonder how he looks like when he's having sex? Does he moan? Or does he say dirty things to his partner while riding him or her? What expressions does he make when he's about to cum? He looks like the mouth-open-tongue-out-type...I wish I were a fly on the wall or wherever he happens to be when he gets his groove on...
If it's a woman: Mmm, nice boobies (I get turned on by luscious boobies...ssshhh!). Does she like to be on top? This one looks like she moans like the French. You know, like sensual, low-pitched, howling sounds. What facial expressions does she make? Will she look ugly when her vaggie's getting invaded? Does she pant like a licking dog?
And on and on it goes...I try to picture 'em in several positions and mind you, I don't get turned on; it's just a lazy hobby I've freakishly picked up while watching too much porn for the last 8 months! Gah..
I know I look ugly when I moan and groan during intercourse. Honey Lips told me once, post-intercourse, that my face is weird when he's riding me. I always end up with a tear-stained face though. What about ya?
Saturday, January 29, 2011
A Blushing, Inconsequential Thought
I just woke up from a fierce, powerful, wet dream where I actually felt my hips thrust up and forward...My eyes were forcefully open just when I felt that lick of flame searing me down there...
I'm shaken and I'm trying to remember what the guy looked like but, alas, all that comes to mind is a set of perfectly white teeth, grinning as if the cat got the cream....
Plagued with wantonness and desire, I can only hope time does fly this time...because I just can't wait for some lil action...
I'm shaken and I'm trying to remember what the guy looked like but, alas, all that comes to mind is a set of perfectly white teeth, grinning as if the cat got the cream....
Plagued with wantonness and desire, I can only hope time does fly this time...because I just can't wait for some lil action...
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
The String Theory
"You know what?", I hesitantly asked Honey Lips.
"What?", he muttered, while watching Prison Break Season 1 all over again.
"I think I...er...had a Eureka! moment", said I, still baffled at the realization.
"Tell me", he looked up at me.
"You know yesterday, I wore a thong and...", I started.
"Hold up. Let me pause Prison Break", he fumbled on the keyboard and said, "Yes, tell me...".
"As you know, I haven't worn a thong in a while, right?..", I tried to explain when he interrupted me, with his eyebrows shot up to his hairline. Almost.
"You know I love it when you wear thongs and I have to beg you sometimes."
Honey Lips' tolo perks up every time at the sight of my bare ass-cheeks, with a piece of thread in between. It always works sister. I'm telling you.
"Yes. But you know because of my heavy bleeding which lasts for weeks, I have to wear granny panties and sometimes boxer panties. After a while, you get used to it. They are so comfy as compared to strings, you know it. I explained that to you so many times. Anyway, I put on one yesterday and bejaysus, I can't stop going to the toilet. It's like that single piece of thread tickles my crack and I have to poop!", I ended with a nervous laugh.
Honey Lips started laughing!
"It's like the thong massages my constipated crack and you know how many times I've been to the toilet already?", I continued.
"That's good then, isn't it?", Honey Lips grinned.
"Good for my bowel movement and for your libido, you mean!", I teased.
"You know it hun. See, if you'll only listen to me..."
O.M.G peeps, I'm not making it up. When I came back home, in the first few days, I had a regular poop pattern and then, after hoovering down local food and delicacies, it was like my crack got sewn up! And now this discovery! I'm baffled.
Bye-bye boxer panties - well until after my painful menses come back. And hi to you, sexy thongs! ;p
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Home Sweet Home
Hiya!
I'm back but not really back.
For the first time, I brought Honey Lips home and he's enjoying every single minute of it...sleeping! Would you believe that? He doesn't feel like going out at all. I let him spend the day in bed because I know he needs the rest.
AnyImstokedway, I'm loving every minute of being home and I'll be here for a while. My old room has been transformed and I won't feel comfy until Honey Lips leaves. I'm not used to having my old bedroom shared with someone else, especially a man!
Whispers: Every time we have sex it feels so 'forbidden'! And our sex life kinda hit the roof! It's like having sex while your parents are like 3 dozen feet away. Total bliss! Like yeah mom, I'm having sex in your house and you can't say shit! Boo ya!
I'll miss my Honey Lips when he goes away. I'll join him whenever everything gets sorted out. However, I must admit I'll be glad to be on my own for a while. Since HL and I met we haven't spent one night apart. Romantic, huh? Not really. After a while, the craving to be single for at least 24 hours eats at you like fish nibbling on soggy bread.
I have more things to say but I think one of my cousins will be here any minute.
Before I leave, please know I miss you all my beautiful people.
I can't wait to read all of y'all blogs. It'll be a while but I'll catch up.
Don't I always? ;p
Friday, June 18, 2010
Sharing The Joke...
Dave comes home from work early one day. He walks into the kitchen and sees his wife on her knees, scrubbing the floor. He watches the rhythmic movements of her bum high in the air for a few seconds, before he can't take it anymore.
Without a word, he lifts up her skirt, slides in and gives her the pounding of her life until they both orgasm loudly. Then he zips himself up, gets to his feet and kicks up her arse as hard as he can.
"What the fuck was that for?!", she screams at him.
"That was for not turning round to see who the fuck it was."
P.S: I'm not sleepy. It's been raining hard tonight. Gotta find something to do, right? ;p
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Bitchin'
Every time Honey Lips and I plan on having sex (due to his hectic schedule, we gotta plan!), we fall asleep on each other; sometimes during foreplay! Now you must be saying: "Well, I understand Honey Lips works hard, so he can be excused but what about you? Why do you fall asleep?".
Don't worry, my crystal ball doesn't reveal pertinent secrets, only the obvious ones. Plus, I ask myself the same question. I don't do any manual work (remember the old bitch who said my hands are smooth? Yea...there you go...). As soon as I lie down in bed, my eyes start feeling heavy and before I know it, I'm nodding off like a baby. What's the reason? I don't have a scooby.
Very often, we catch up in the mornings, all the while discussing who fell asleep the first the previous night. And we always blame each other. And then after sex, I get bitchy. It's like the sexual climax releases hatred into my weak system and I bitch like a bitch. I make noise at everything. For that too, I got no explanation.
And why the hell am I telling you all this?
Just wanna bitch, that's all.
kthxbai.
Don't worry, my crystal ball doesn't reveal pertinent secrets, only the obvious ones. Plus, I ask myself the same question. I don't do any manual work (remember the old bitch who said my hands are smooth? Yea...there you go...). As soon as I lie down in bed, my eyes start feeling heavy and before I know it, I'm nodding off like a baby. What's the reason? I don't have a scooby.
Very often, we catch up in the mornings, all the while discussing who fell asleep the first the previous night. And we always blame each other. And then after sex, I get bitchy. It's like the sexual climax releases hatred into my weak system and I bitch like a bitch. I make noise at everything. For that too, I got no explanation.
And why the hell am I telling you all this?
Just wanna bitch, that's all.
kthxbai.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Dirty Verses I Copied
...from a book Honey Lips bought when we were still living in London...
There was a young lady from Leith
Who would circumcise men with her teeth
It wasn't for fame,
Or love of the game
But to get at the cheese underneath.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
There was a young actress from Crewe,
Who remarked, as the vicar withdrew,
"The Bishop was quicker
And thicker and slicker,
And two inches longer than you."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
There was a young vampire called Mabel,
Whose periods were always quite stable,
At every full moon
She took out a spoon,
And drank herself under the table.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
There was a young plumber from Lee,
Who was plumbing his girl with glee,
She said stop your pumbling,
I think someone's coming,
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me!"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
A kinky young girl from Coleshill,
Tried a dynamite stick for a thrill,
They found her vagina,
In North Carolina,
And bits of her tits in Brazil.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
There was a young man from Pitlochrie,
Making love to his girl in the rock'ry,
She said, "Look you've cum,
All over my bum,
This isn't a shag, it's a mock'ry."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
There was a young lassie from Morton,
Who had one long tit and one short 'un,
On top of all that,
A great hairy twat,
And a fart like a sixty-five Norton.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
THE. END.
P.S: My blogger is acting up. I can't leave comments. Will catch up on that tomorrow! ;p
P.P.S: I created a Tumblr account today. Come over at http://johanah.tumblr.com and have a peep! ;p
P.P.S: I created a Tumblr account today. Come over at http://johanah.tumblr.com and have a peep! ;p
Saturday, May 1, 2010
He Says. I Blog.
When I started writing this post, I thought I'd tell you how much I've grown to hate public holidays but then I realize I still like it. It's true that every damn shop is closed; however the hush that seems to descend over the island is so welcoming. Plus, there's no evil soul to bother me.
Anyway, yesterday Honey Lips and I spent the day home, watching movies.
I was lying on my back, straddling his waist, while he was sitting upright on the bed.
"Hey watch this! Phone sex. You want some? Here you go", he flipped open his phone and began rubbing it on my upper thighs.
He then laughed and I joined in.
"That'll end up in your blog, eh?", he affirmed.
Now remember I told you that he knows nada about this anonymous blog? (I think I did.) Well, it's been a few weeks since he found out. I kinda got caught. Fortunately, he wasn't bothered about the blog URL because I sat him down and explained to him how this online journal represents my private space just like his phone does his. He understood. But sometimes, he begs to read one or two posts here and there. I half-heartedly surrender. And then, there are other times, when I force him to read a post I feel was well-written (in my humble opinion). *rolling eyes*
So every time he cracks a joke, he'll be like, "You're going to blog about it? See, without me, you won't have anything to write about.", (did I tell you that his ego doesn't fit the door?), or "Put that in your blog!" when we have a fight. *let's have a marijuana minute of eye-rolls here*
As far as he's concerned, he provides me with blog material. Which is true, sorta.
The Abrupt End.
P.S: Happy Sunday! ;p
Anyway, yesterday Honey Lips and I spent the day home, watching movies.
I was lying on my back, straddling his waist, while he was sitting upright on the bed.
"Hey watch this! Phone sex. You want some? Here you go", he flipped open his phone and began rubbing it on my upper thighs.
He then laughed and I joined in.
"That'll end up in your blog, eh?", he affirmed.
Now remember I told you that he knows nada about this anonymous blog? (I think I did.) Well, it's been a few weeks since he found out. I kinda got caught. Fortunately, he wasn't bothered about the blog URL because I sat him down and explained to him how this online journal represents my private space just like his phone does his. He understood. But sometimes, he begs to read one or two posts here and there. I half-heartedly surrender. And then, there are other times, when I force him to read a post I feel was well-written (in my humble opinion). *rolling eyes*
So every time he cracks a joke, he'll be like, "You're going to blog about it? See, without me, you won't have anything to write about.", (did I tell you that his ego doesn't fit the door?), or "Put that in your blog!" when we have a fight. *let's have a marijuana minute of eye-rolls here*
As far as he's concerned, he provides me with blog material. Which is true, sorta.
The Abrupt End.
P.S: Happy Sunday! ;p
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
And That's How The Cookie Crumbles!
"You can come in my room and chill", Honey Lips sweetly said.
"OK", I shrugged.
We were alone in his bedroom, my best friend was sent to the cyber cafe to fax something to someone. She'd be gone for a while and Honey Lips was horny.
This is the first time he decided to make a move on unsuspecting me...
"Would you like a massage? A sensual message?", he asked me. What in the world is a sensual massage? Don't all massages be the same?
I looked at him uncertainly and he reassured me, "Don't worry. I gave one to BFF and there's no sex involved."
"BFF had a sensual massage? When? She didn't tell me?", I felt betrayed.
"It was nothing. I'll give you one if you want...?", he then paused, waiting for my answer.
"Alright." If BFF got one I'll have one too you know. Of course I wasn't thinking that out loud.
I went to his bed and lied down on my belly, fully clothed. I had on, a pair of blue jeans and a red top. He lifted my top and started rubbing down his hands on my back. Very gently. Started to knead my bones and muscles on my back. I was in heaven.
"You like it?", he whispered. "Mmmmm...", I tried to nod.
"Would you like me to take off your top?"
"Mmmm..."
I was completely lost to his touch and couldn't resist him. I was in a lull when...
Whoa! My eyes snapped open and,
"Relax, I wouldn't do anything you don't want me to", he coaxed while his fingers were fumbling with my bra.
"Turn over...", he continued. What the hell? No sex my ass! I know where that's going...
I did turn my spellbound ass over. He removed my bra and BAM! He gasped and I looked at him. His smoldering eyes were black with desire. Those eyes made me feel like a wanton hussy. The Moist Haven started to urgently tingle. He closed his mouth over my throbbing nipples and began to suck...
Nothing matters right now. I want him with every bone in my body. Oh yes...don't stop...
Then licking his way down to Moist Haven, his lips landed on it. It was pouring down there in Moist Haven. I could hear beating drums in my ears.
He ate it like a starved child, with me covering my face with one of his pillows. I didn't want him to look at the blissfully-contorted expressions on my face...I started to wriggle under his mouth until my world burst into a euphoric kaleidoscope of colors...
With my back arched, I reached for his belt and unzipped his pants.
And what followed next went so fast that I was left stunned, craving for more. He whipped out the Johnson and dived in once and pulled out!
What the fuck? Where is...? Why...? Uh...what...?!
I roused from the comatose-like state I was fiercely pushed in and looked at him pulling up his pants and buckling up.
"What's wrong?", I queried, my mouth dry and the Africans still beating drums somewhere down there in Moist Haven.
"That's a sensual massage!", he explained.
"Oh...!" That's it?
Much, much later, he told me that he just wanted to give me a taste and besides, I was seeing someone else. And no, BFF never got any sensual massage from him, which I already knew by then because I asked BFF if it were true.
Honey Lips knew that if he didn't bend the truth a little about BFF getting a sensual massage I would have never gone for a sensual massage! Damn right I wouldn't have and I would have missed 6 months's worth of blissful sex!
And that folks, that's how the cookie crumbled....
P.S: That was a long damn post! Phew..! If you've made it until the end then by God you must be soaking wet right now. Else, you have a problem. Your sex drive needs oiling. Or something...
"OK", I shrugged.
We were alone in his bedroom, my best friend was sent to the cyber cafe to fax something to someone. She'd be gone for a while and Honey Lips was horny.
This is the first time he decided to make a move on unsuspecting me...
"Would you like a massage? A sensual message?", he asked me. What in the world is a sensual massage? Don't all massages be the same?
I looked at him uncertainly and he reassured me, "Don't worry. I gave one to BFF and there's no sex involved."
"BFF had a sensual massage? When? She didn't tell me?", I felt betrayed.
"It was nothing. I'll give you one if you want...?", he then paused, waiting for my answer.
"Alright." If BFF got one I'll have one too you know. Of course I wasn't thinking that out loud.
I went to his bed and lied down on my belly, fully clothed. I had on, a pair of blue jeans and a red top. He lifted my top and started rubbing down his hands on my back. Very gently. Started to knead my bones and muscles on my back. I was in heaven.
"You like it?", he whispered. "Mmmmm...", I tried to nod.
"Would you like me to take off your top?"
"Mmmm..."
I was completely lost to his touch and couldn't resist him. I was in a lull when...
Whoa! My eyes snapped open and,
"Relax, I wouldn't do anything you don't want me to", he coaxed while his fingers were fumbling with my bra.
"Turn over...", he continued. What the hell? No sex my ass! I know where that's going...
I did turn my spellbound ass over. He removed my bra and BAM! He gasped and I looked at him. His smoldering eyes were black with desire. Those eyes made me feel like a wanton hussy. The Moist Haven started to urgently tingle. He closed his mouth over my throbbing nipples and began to suck...
Nothing matters right now. I want him with every bone in my body. Oh yes...don't stop...
Then licking his way down to Moist Haven, his lips landed on it. It was pouring down there in Moist Haven. I could hear beating drums in my ears.
He ate it like a starved child, with me covering my face with one of his pillows. I didn't want him to look at the blissfully-contorted expressions on my face...I started to wriggle under his mouth until my world burst into a euphoric kaleidoscope of colors...
With my back arched, I reached for his belt and unzipped his pants.
And what followed next went so fast that I was left stunned, craving for more. He whipped out the Johnson and dived in once and pulled out!
What the fuck? Where is...? Why...? Uh...what...?!
I roused from the comatose-like state I was fiercely pushed in and looked at him pulling up his pants and buckling up.
"What's wrong?", I queried, my mouth dry and the Africans still beating drums somewhere down there in Moist Haven.
"That's a sensual massage!", he explained.
"Oh...!" That's it?
Much, much later, he told me that he just wanted to give me a taste and besides, I was seeing someone else. And no, BFF never got any sensual massage from him, which I already knew by then because I asked BFF if it were true.
Honey Lips knew that if he didn't bend the truth a little about BFF getting a sensual massage I would have never gone for a sensual massage! Damn right I wouldn't have and I would have missed 6 months's worth of blissful sex!
And that folks, that's how the cookie crumbled....
P.S: That was a long damn post! Phew..! If you've made it until the end then by God you must be soaking wet right now. Else, you have a problem. Your sex drive needs oiling. Or something...
Attitude Boy Says No To Birth Control And Safe Sex
Right now I'm staring at my screen, my mind in chaos.
Should I tell you about Attitude Boy and his baby mothers? Or should I keep that story for next week?
Have I piqued your curiosity about Attitude Boy? Yes?
His story is long and as you know, my posts are rather short. I like them short and simple.
Anyway, since you insist, Attitude Boy is a man-child who just can't keep his dick in his pants. Nothing new there huh? All the men I came to know on Smaller Island use their penis more than their brain.
Attitude Boy has 2 baby mommas and he's only 20 years old! His mother is a whore (that's the word on the street) who after marrying a white dude, deserted AB and his sister. Consequently, AB moved in with his mother-whore's best friend and impregnated MWBF's daughter. After she delivered a pair of twins, her mother sent her to NY and kicked AB out of her house.
Then AB moved in with us. Well we provided him with a roof over his head and helped him out for a few months. Then I met AB's sister. She is one helluva pretty woman. Again, according to locals, she's no stranger to the horny male population. First time I saw her, I was completely blown away by the sheer beauty of that girl. Let's name her Pretty Woman. Right. So Pretty Woman is 19 years old and she gets paid to travel to exotic islands and fuck old, rich men. I was dubious in the beginning because she seems like a nice girl to me. And then her cousin confirmed the alleged rumors.
So back to Attitude Boy. He, after his first baby mother relocated, started seeing another girl, who looks like a 14 year-old but is actually 18. Honey Lips informed me about the pregnancy because, Attitude Boy is boasting to the boys in the area about his sexual prouesses to whoever cares to listen. And believe me, many CARE enough to listen to what you have to say or don't have to say in Smaller Island.
Then yesterday I saw AB and his newly-pregnant woman-child girlfriend with her big belly, walking hand in hand. I was in shock. I mean hearing things and seeing things are two different things right? They stopped to say hi and AB was talking to my Honey Lips like he's a little boy! What the motherfuck? I'm aware of his attitude problem but I thought he would at least be more respectful and all but hell to the no! His so-called gangster swagger infuriated me so much that I plainly ignored him until he left.
"Let him be", said Honey Lips when they left.
"Uh...", I mumbled.
"He thinks he's all that...", I added.
"You know me. These things don't bother me. What's my name?", asked HL.
I laughed.
"I know half of the people in this motherfucking island and the other half knows me..."
And that's how Honey Lips blows his own horn!
[Insert as many snickers as you can here]
Should I tell you about Attitude Boy and his baby mothers? Or should I keep that story for next week?
Have I piqued your curiosity about Attitude Boy? Yes?
His story is long and as you know, my posts are rather short. I like them short and simple.
Anyway, since you insist, Attitude Boy is a man-child who just can't keep his dick in his pants. Nothing new there huh? All the men I came to know on Smaller Island use their penis more than their brain.
Attitude Boy has 2 baby mommas and he's only 20 years old! His mother is a whore (that's the word on the street) who after marrying a white dude, deserted AB and his sister. Consequently, AB moved in with his mother-whore's best friend and impregnated MWBF's daughter. After she delivered a pair of twins, her mother sent her to NY and kicked AB out of her house.
Then AB moved in with us. Well we provided him with a roof over his head and helped him out for a few months. Then I met AB's sister. She is one helluva pretty woman. Again, according to locals, she's no stranger to the horny male population. First time I saw her, I was completely blown away by the sheer beauty of that girl. Let's name her Pretty Woman. Right. So Pretty Woman is 19 years old and she gets paid to travel to exotic islands and fuck old, rich men. I was dubious in the beginning because she seems like a nice girl to me. And then her cousin confirmed the alleged rumors.
So back to Attitude Boy. He, after his first baby mother relocated, started seeing another girl, who looks like a 14 year-old but is actually 18. Honey Lips informed me about the pregnancy because, Attitude Boy is boasting to the boys in the area about his sexual prouesses to whoever cares to listen. And believe me, many CARE enough to listen to what you have to say or don't have to say in Smaller Island.
Then yesterday I saw AB and his newly-pregnant woman-child girlfriend with her big belly, walking hand in hand. I was in shock. I mean hearing things and seeing things are two different things right? They stopped to say hi and AB was talking to my Honey Lips like he's a little boy! What the motherfuck? I'm aware of his attitude problem but I thought he would at least be more respectful and all but hell to the no! His so-called gangster swagger infuriated me so much that I plainly ignored him until he left.
"Let him be", said Honey Lips when they left.
"Uh...", I mumbled.
"He thinks he's all that...", I added.
"You know me. These things don't bother me. What's my name?", asked HL.
I laughed.
"I know half of the people in this motherfucking island and the other half knows me..."
And that's how Honey Lips blows his own horn!
[Insert as many snickers as you can here]
Sunday, April 11, 2010
I'm Crazy...But You Know That!
But how much of a nuthead am I really? You don't know that!
Now before you read the following, let me warn you that this post is of a delicate subject and if you're eating, come back after you're done stuffing your face.
Okay. You ready?
Alright...
Recently, I've been smelling my own panties...and I like the way it smells!
Hey put that phone down! I'm perfectly sane and I do not need to be admitted to Nutty Hospital! And don't try smelling your panties NOW! You can do it later. After you finish reading this post.
So tell me. Have you ever tried to smell your own knickers? Especially after you've washed the vajay after sex?
That pleasant smell comes only after sex. And stays for a few days.
For the first time, yesterday, I confessed to Honey Lips and he just laughed and called me a freak!
"I like the way my pussy juice smells after we done fucking", I excitedly confessed.
"You're a freak!", he chuckles.
"I think it's because my juice is mixed up with yours. And I love the way your cock smells after sex.", I continued.
"Tell me that again tonight!", he suggests.
But we didn't have sex last night because we both fell asleep!
He took care of business today though and Lordy Lord I can't tell you how much that scent excites my senses.
AnyIamnottellingyouanotherwordabouttodayssexway, ain't it a motherbitcher when after lovemaking you go to wash the poumpoum and one drop of pussy juice trickles down your legs and then you gotta step back in the shower and wash again?! Totally annoying, isn't it?
Now before you read the following, let me warn you that this post is of a delicate subject and if you're eating, come back after you're done stuffing your face.
Okay. You ready?
Alright...
Recently, I've been smelling my own panties...and I like the way it smells!
Hey put that phone down! I'm perfectly sane and I do not need to be admitted to Nutty Hospital! And don't try smelling your panties NOW! You can do it later. After you finish reading this post.
So tell me. Have you ever tried to smell your own knickers? Especially after you've washed the vajay after sex?
That pleasant smell comes only after sex. And stays for a few days.
For the first time, yesterday, I confessed to Honey Lips and he just laughed and called me a freak!
"I like the way my pussy juice smells after we done fucking", I excitedly confessed.
"You're a freak!", he chuckles.
"I think it's because my juice is mixed up with yours. And I love the way your cock smells after sex.", I continued.
"Tell me that again tonight!", he suggests.
But we didn't have sex last night because we both fell asleep!
He took care of business today though and Lordy Lord I can't tell you how much that scent excites my senses.
AnyIamnottellingyouanotherwordabouttodayssexway, ain't it a motherbitcher when after lovemaking you go to wash the poumpoum and one drop of pussy juice trickles down your legs and then you gotta step back in the shower and wash again?! Totally annoying, isn't it?
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Booby Talk
Everybody likes big boobies. Am I right?
If you don't then move to the left! Ha!
For those who love big boobies, women included - because don't tell me you don't get turned on by big bouncy boobies! You lie. Anyway move to the left if a nerve in your nether regions doesn't jump at the sight of boobage -, stay and read.
First let me clarify: by massive breasts I mean big like Salma Hayek - natural and firm and UP. Not fake boobies. Like Pamela Anderson or Katie Price. Uh huh.
God has endowed me with pretty big boobies. I never asked for it and I always say that it's not my prayer God answered but Honey Lips'. He enjoys them most of the time. And sometimes I do too. Hey I gotta take care of business too! No judging please.
Anyway this is about when I wanted to have a breast reduction! I know. Crazy!
When I was growing up, I realized that my mammary glands are way bigger than my friends'. It used to bother me. A lot. Because every time I step into a clothes shop I have problems finding a top. When I find one that fits me to a T, I'll buy at least 2 in different colors. My expensive shopping trips always ends in tears of frustration. And then, I have men talking to my breasts instead of looking me in the eyes for a decent conversation. I spent four years in a sex-deprived country and believe me, crossing my hands over my boobs grew tiresome after a short while.
Then I decided that when I get rich I'll have a boob reduction. My best friend called me crazy and advised that I would grow out of it in a couple of years. And that she liked my boobs just like they are. That didn't convince me until I became sexually active! Like when I had sex the first time.
Oh boy! Was I ever happy again! Heck, I was so enchanted by them that I had to experience them on my own! It opened up a new world to me. It has also boosted my self-confidence (not too much because I still have other complex physical issues! It never ends huh?!)
And the day Honey Lips decided to put his seduction plan in motion made me see stars and thanked God that there won't be any more blabbering of "I want small boobies." Like HL keeps saying, "the way they spilled out of your bra got me hooked"; so in a way I should thank the twins! Don't you think?
What's my bra size you ask? Ha! Let's just say big enough for HL to bury his face in between and yell "Bouyaka!" ;p
If you don't then move to the left! Ha!
For those who love big boobies, women included - because don't tell me you don't get turned on by big bouncy boobies! You lie. Anyway move to the left if a nerve in your nether regions doesn't jump at the sight of boobage -, stay and read.
First let me clarify: by massive breasts I mean big like Salma Hayek - natural and firm and UP. Not fake boobies. Like Pamela Anderson or Katie Price. Uh huh.
God has endowed me with pretty big boobies. I never asked for it and I always say that it's not my prayer God answered but Honey Lips'. He enjoys them most of the time. And sometimes I do too. Hey I gotta take care of business too! No judging please.
Anyway this is about when I wanted to have a breast reduction! I know. Crazy!
When I was growing up, I realized that my mammary glands are way bigger than my friends'. It used to bother me. A lot. Because every time I step into a clothes shop I have problems finding a top. When I find one that fits me to a T, I'll buy at least 2 in different colors. My expensive shopping trips always ends in tears of frustration. And then, I have men talking to my breasts instead of looking me in the eyes for a decent conversation. I spent four years in a sex-deprived country and believe me, crossing my hands over my boobs grew tiresome after a short while.
Then I decided that when I get rich I'll have a boob reduction. My best friend called me crazy and advised that I would grow out of it in a couple of years. And that she liked my boobs just like they are. That didn't convince me until I became sexually active! Like when I had sex the first time.
Oh boy! Was I ever happy again! Heck, I was so enchanted by them that I had to experience them on my own! It opened up a new world to me. It has also boosted my self-confidence (not too much because I still have other complex physical issues! It never ends huh?!)
And the day Honey Lips decided to put his seduction plan in motion made me see stars and thanked God that there won't be any more blabbering of "I want small boobies." Like HL keeps saying, "the way they spilled out of your bra got me hooked"; so in a way I should thank the twins! Don't you think?
What's my bra size you ask? Ha! Let's just say big enough for HL to bury his face in between and yell "Bouyaka!" ;p
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Mad Blog Love
You know how excited you get when you know Ms Vajay will have a visitor tonight or any time (you freaks!) during the day? I also know how many of those excitements turn into disappointments.
Hold on...hold on...hold on...I heard somebody said, "But I'm a virgin!"
Girl wait for the right guy to come along. In this instance the 'right guy' doesn't necessarily mean husband material. It's someone who'll take proper care of your cherry. If he's not prepared to lick it then he's not the one.
Anyway not every sexual intercourse ends in satisfactory orgasms.
"I fake it sometimes!", piped in another voice. Oh yes! I hear you ma'am.
I'm guilty too. Of bluffing it through. There are times you just can't tell him, "Honey it didn't work this time". Especially when you see his dazed expression and hear his satisfied "Oh yeeeessss baby!" I yessss too...Hey I'm only human. White lies sweetheart, white lies.
But this post is not about sexual orgasms. It's about Blogasms. A new word I'm sure I'm not the first to come up with. A blogasm in my book is defined as the feeling, the sensation I get not between my legs but in my heart when I'm shown blog love.
Emily, fondly referred to as Em, from It's Em, came up with this brilliant idea called Blog Love. She loves reading blogs and decided to feature one of her favorite bloggers each week. Consider it as free lunch. ;p Bless her heart. Read more here.
Today is the first day of Blog Love and she picked me. She got mad love for my blog and the love is delightfully reciprocated. So why don't you all pick up your tush and head over to her blog and show her some love? You can be featured too. Ain't that awesome?! Blogasm guaranteed!
Whereas for you guys, you might get lucky too! Don't be a wuss and go check out Em...if it's not blogasm then sure as hell it'll be an orgasm on sight! Her cheekbones are to die for. And I'm sure other things too. Just don't let her husband know. ;p
Go on...
Hold on...hold on...hold on...I heard somebody said, "But I'm a virgin!"
Girl wait for the right guy to come along. In this instance the 'right guy' doesn't necessarily mean husband material. It's someone who'll take proper care of your cherry. If he's not prepared to lick it then he's not the one.
Anyway not every sexual intercourse ends in satisfactory orgasms.
"I fake it sometimes!", piped in another voice. Oh yes! I hear you ma'am.
I'm guilty too. Of bluffing it through. There are times you just can't tell him, "Honey it didn't work this time". Especially when you see his dazed expression and hear his satisfied "Oh yeeeessss baby!" I yessss too...Hey I'm only human. White lies sweetheart, white lies.
But this post is not about sexual orgasms. It's about Blogasms. A new word I'm sure I'm not the first to come up with. A blogasm in my book is defined as the feeling, the sensation I get not between my legs but in my heart when I'm shown blog love.
Emily, fondly referred to as Em, from It's Em, came up with this brilliant idea called Blog Love. She loves reading blogs and decided to feature one of her favorite bloggers each week. Consider it as free lunch. ;p Bless her heart. Read more here.
Today is the first day of Blog Love and she picked me. She got mad love for my blog and the love is delightfully reciprocated. So why don't you all pick up your tush and head over to her blog and show her some love? You can be featured too. Ain't that awesome?! Blogasm guaranteed!
Whereas for you guys, you might get lucky too! Don't be a wuss and go check out Em...if it's not blogasm then sure as hell it'll be an orgasm on sight! Her cheekbones are to die for. And I'm sure other things too. Just don't let her husband know. ;p
Go on...
Monday, March 1, 2010
Everybody Has A Slutty Cousin
Don't you? I'm sure you do. Don't you just hate her? Of course you do. Plus she is prettier than you and most probably every guy she comes across falls for her. She'll make sure you hear about it every time you see or talk to her.
Her constant gush about X or Y makes you realise how your dating life sucks. She makes you question your own ability in attracting men. After all you're a good woman, intelligent, and beautiful. Then you ask yourself what is wrong with ME? What am I lacking in?
Then you blame God. (If you're an atheist then you would castigate whatever powers you believe in or whatever you guys do.) Talking to God, asking him all kind of questions. Boring Him to death. (Figure of speech of course) Until you see your cousin all forlorn and lost. Your heartbeat picks up a notch and you mumble, "Good for you bitch!" while you extend your arms to her for a fake hug.
Now back to my slutty cousin. Actually I got more than one. Yes they are more attractive than me. And I'm not jealous of them. Because I'm a slut too. The only difference is I'm a one-man hussy! I don't flit from one man to the next. I have my legs up in the air for one man only.
No, I don't hate you cousins. It's only your attitude towards sex that smash my nerves into pieces. Pardon my prim-ness but I love my vagina and having it shoved up with any flitting-fancy-shafts doesn't appeal to me. Not one bitchy bit. I'll leave you to snag the fools and uglies.
Let me enjoy my man.
In peace.
No, I don't hate you cousins. It's only your attitude towards sex that smash my nerves into pieces. Pardon my prim-ness but I love my vagina and having it shoved up with any flitting-fancy-shafts doesn't appeal to me. Not one bitchy bit. I'll leave you to snag the fools and uglies.
Let me enjoy my man.
In peace.
Will ya?
