Bitchin'

Every time Honey Lips and I plan on having sex (due to his hectic schedule, we gotta plan!), we fall asleep on each other; sometimes during foreplay! Now you must be saying: "Well, I understand Honey Lips works hard, so he can be excused but what about you? Why do you fall asleep?".

Don't worry, my crystal ball doesn't reveal pertinent secrets, only the obvious ones.  Plus, I ask myself the same question.  I don't do any manual work (remember the old bitch who said my hands are smooth? Yea...there you go...).  As soon as I lie down in bed, my eyes start feeling heavy and before I know it, I'm nodding off like a baby.  What's the reason? I don't have a scooby.

Very often, we catch up in the mornings, all the while discussing who fell asleep the first the previous night. And we always blame each other.  And then after sex, I get bitchy.  It's like the sexual climax releases hatred into my weak system and I bitch like a bitch.  I make noise at everything.  For that too, I got no explanation.

And why the hell am I telling you all this?

Just wanna bitch, that's all.

kthxbai.

Dirty Verses I Copied

...from a book Honey Lips bought when we were still living in London...

There was a young lady from Leith

Who would circumcise men with her teeth

It wasn't for fame,

Or love of the game

But to get at the cheese underneath.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was a young actress from Crewe,

Who remarked, as the vicar withdrew,

"The Bishop was quicker

And thicker and slicker,

And two inches longer than you."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was a young vampire called Mabel,

Whose periods were always quite stable,

At every full moon

She took out a spoon,

And drank herself under the table.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was a young plumber from Lee,

Who was plumbing his girl with glee,

She said stop your pumbling,

I think someone's coming,

Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me!"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A kinky young girl from Coleshill,

Tried a dynamite stick for a thrill,

They found her vagina,

In North Carolina,

And bits of her tits in Brazil.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was a young man from Pitlochrie,

Making love to his girl in the rock'ry,

She said, "Look you've cum,

All over my bum,

This isn't a shag, it's a mock'ry."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was a young lassie from Morton,

Who had one long tit and one short 'un,

On top of all that,

A great hairy twat,

And a fart like a sixty-five Norton.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

THE.  END.

P.S: My blogger is acting up.  I can't leave comments.  Will catch up on that tomorrow! ;p
P.P.S: I created a Tumblr account today.  Come over at http://johanah.tumblr.com and have a peep! ;p

I'm Crazy...But You Know That!

But how much of a nuthead am I really?  You don't know that!

Now before you read the following, let me warn you that this post is of a delicate subject and if you're eating, come back after you're done stuffing your face.

Okay.  You ready?

Alright...

Recently, I've been smelling my own panties...and I like the way it smells! 

Hey put that phone down! I'm perfectly sane and I do not need to be admitted to Nutty Hospital! And don't try smelling your panties NOW! You can do it later.  After you finish reading this post.

So tell me.  Have you ever tried to smell your own knickers?  Especially after you've washed the vajay after sex?

That pleasant smell comes only after sex.  And stays for a few days.

For the first time, yesterday, I confessed to Honey Lips and he just laughed and called me a freak! 

"I like the way my pussy juice smells after we done fucking", I excitedly confessed.

"You're a freak!", he chuckles.

"I think it's because my juice is mixed up with yours.  And I love the way your cock smells after sex.", I continued.

"Tell me that again tonight!", he suggests.

But we didn't have sex last night because we both fell asleep!

He took care of business today though and Lordy Lord I can't tell you how much that scent excites my senses.

AnyIamnottellingyouanotherwordabouttodayssexway, ain't it a motherbitcher when after lovemaking you go to wash the poumpoum and one drop of pussy juice trickles down your legs and then you gotta step back in the shower and wash again?!  Totally annoying, isn't it?