Me and I...It's Forever...

I have this deep fear.

That when I grow older, I'll start talking out loud, to no one in particular but to myself.

I do it now.  I talk to myself all the time.  I do enjoy the cozy twosome.

The only difference is that, when I indulge in conversations-with-self, no one can hear what's being said.  It's a silent spoken communication.

In my head:

Me:  Have I really talked about X to someone or was it to myself?  


I: Oh God! I can't remember.  Was it a real conversation?


Me:  I think not.  


I:  Dear God! I'm going crazy...


Yesterday, on my way for a smoking break, from afar, I saw a man, gesticulating wildly to no one in particular.  Since I'm short-sighted, I didn't spot the phone in his hands.

Me:  This guy is nuts.  


I: Uh huh.  *snicker*


Me: Uh oh...


I: What?


Me: Don't you see it?


I: Oh shucks! He's talking to someone on his phone.  He's not nuts.


Me:  He does look like one though.  I mean I can't do that, you know.  Plugging a pair of ear pieces to my phone and then someone calls and I pick up and I whisper loudly on the attached mic.


I:  I know what you mean.  I can't have people throwing me weird looks! 


Me:  But do you remember, years ago, you were doing the same ish?  Talking to Honey Lips while you are standing in a crowded bus, hanging on to your dear life?  It is pretty useful sometimes, ain't it?

An audible growl from I...

I: Fuck you looking at? 


Me: You growled and she heard you! *giggle* 


I:  Ha! She must think I'm crazy. 


And now, I blogged it!

Now What Should This Title Be?

I nervously look at him.

He's smiling. Oh! He's good-looking.  He's got that joie de vivre je-ne-sais-quoi about him.

However beguiling his smile is, fear fused with excitement grips my heart.  Please let this go down smoothly.  Please God!

"So, talk to me...", he confidently and reassuringly says.

I begin to talk and in between, he interrupts me with impertinent questions.  I unconsciously touch my burning cheeks.  Nothing really shocks me but somehow his probing into my private matter does.

"You look so nervous.  I'm sure it's not the first time you...", he teases when I cut him off.

"No, actually it's my third time..."

"For how long you've been married?", he asks and I answer.

"Relax, it'll be over soon", and somehow that sentence didn't reassure me at all.

"Take off your pants and lie down", he orders me.  Oh my!

I feel queasy.  I look around.  I swallow hard.  I try to breathe.  In and out.  In and out...

I hope he won't unceremoniously chuck it inside me like it happened the first time!

I take off my pants, lie down and wait for him.  He nears me and says, "Make sure you take the pills, otherwise I won't be able to help you."

I nod.  Please do whatever you gotta do quickly!

I shut my eyes tightly and send a tiny prayer to the Almighty.  Then I feel this cold thing on my belly.

Oh! He won't get his fingers inside me then! What a relief! 

I try to peek at the monitor while he moves the transducer all over my lower belly.  I can't see anything!

"All clear.  No infections.  No cysts.  You have a normal size uterus. I'll put you on a programme and let's see how soon we can get you a baby," he finally resolves.

I let out a sigh of relief.  Thank God!  I thought my uterus was kidnapped by cysts! Now all I gotta do is to seriously quit smoking and put my womb to good use!

I want that baby, dammit!

P.S: I'm back on Blogger.  Yes, I know I suck but hey I miss you guys over at Tumblr! It's not the same without y'all! :(  Now give me a hug!! ;p

If Looks Could Kill, Lover Boo Will Be Charged...

Reading this from Chinky Mel Corner, the night when Honey Lips, Lover Boo and I went clubbing came to mind.

In life, there are friends and friends.  Some friends, no matter how long you haven't spoken to, or no matter how far they are from you, remain special.  When you meet up again, it's like 'only yesterday'.  

Lover Boo and I are very tight.  As the new lingo describes it, we are BFFs.  The bond we share remains tight, if not tighter by each and every conversation we enjoy. 

When I came back home, of course, we met and kinda fell back in the now-that-I-am-here-we-will-see-each-other-as-often-as-possible-and-call-each-other-as-much-as-we-like-which-is-every-day routine.  

Honey Lips, Lover Boo and I planned a night out.  We went to a very popular club in the tourist-y area.  Lover Boo donned a sexy dress and a pair of high heels, whereas I wore my have-worn-so-many-times black dress, and heels.  We were feeling gorgeous, especially with Honey Lips praising us and all. 

(Something like the following ensued...in other words, paraphrasing...)

Lover Boo, once we reached the club, asked, "What will you guys have? I'm treating you two."

"Hennessy and Coke for me!", exclaimed Honey Lips.  

"I don't know...?", I was confused. What's new?

"Okay, let's go to the bar and then you can browse the menu", Lover Boo sweetly offered.

I agreed and, she and I made our way to the bar while Honey Lips rushed to the window seat. 

"Is something wrong with me? I see people shooting me weird looks...", LB asked me, sweeping a glance around us.  Lover Boo is really, really attractive.  You would agree too, if you saw her.

"You're pretty.  That's what it is", I chuckled while perusing the menu.  

"Women are staring at me! Eeekss...", she screeched.

"Isn't that what you want? Women looking at you?", I wisely cracked.  "Anyway, what are you having?"

"Yes, but they are giving me weird looks, you know? And this guy on my right too.  He's staring", LB whispered to me.  I stopped and looked on her right and saw this white dude devouring LB with his eyes.

"Oh! He is indeed staring at you!", I whispered back.

"Erm...have you decided what you want?", Lover Boo, uneasily, asked.  

"A Margarita! Yes. I want a Margarita. And you?", I looked up again, and what do you know? LB is talking to the white dude! I elbowed her and she turned to me.  

"Yes babes? He wants to buy me a drink!" She was bloody amused by now.  

"Accept it! Ha!", I, the Great Advisor, said.  "No way! He won't leave me alone then", LB muttered.  "Let's get you your drink. I'll have the same thing as well."

We ordered, collected our drinks and made our way to where Honey Lips was patiently waiting for us.

"You don't know what just happened!", I said to HL while I plopped my ass in the vacant chair next to him.  LB and I then regaled HL with what happened by the bar.

"Well next time, you accept his treat, silly!", Honey Lips teased LB.

Eventually, Lover Boo did accept White Dude's treat...A Guinness! For Honey Lips! 

Is It Pink? Or Salmon Pink?

Days ago, while reading this post over at skinny dip, I was surprised to see a picture of her pink bikini! Why was I surprised?  Because I got the same!  Minus the bottoms.  I remember buying mine in Topshop, London.  It was on sales for a tenner apiece!  I wasn't too keen on the bottoms and since it was being sold separately, I bought two bikini tops!

I took a picture of the tops and please, don't mind my mattress! It's linen-changing day today! And before putting on fresh linen, I always leave the bed 'naked'...

Here goes!

And here's the black one, without the front frills...

I usually wear them under a strapless top with a pair of short shorts.  I wore the black one only once when I went in the sea water with a black panty as bottom! Hehehehe...By the way, is that pink or salmon pink?

I know it's Summer and many of you are gearing up...toning up...

Head over at Carina's where she has laid out her favorite swimwears! And she got taste, that lady sure does!

See y'all later! 

It's Friday. Let's Have A Laugh!

If you're missing the drama, don't worry, I'll bring you some in the near future. I'm helping Honey Lips with a project of his and that's why you won't see me commenting that much on your blog.

But anyway, amongst the chaos, I have a joke for y'all.

Baby G will be 4 years old this year and she's the daughter of my FIL and his wife.

"Oh Baby G! You wet your bed! Why did you wet your bed?", asked FIL's wife.

Baby G panicked and desperately said, "I was resting on my bladder!"

Now nobody has taught her (yet) that word! And she keeps surprising everybody with new grown-up words! She hasn't started preschool yet.  All she does is help her mommy and grandma around the house and watch TV.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

One time, when she was visiting, I was helping her take a bath.

"Don't touch my vagina!", she screamed at me when I was lathering her body with the baby soap. 

That shocked me and I told her mother but luckily, the mother taught her about vaginas and how men or anyone else aren't supposed to touch her vagina!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Another day, Baby G and FIL and his wife went to the embassy and they were waiting for their turn.  While waiting, a woman asked about the number of women waiting. 

A guy gave out the number of women present in the waiting room and Baby G said, "I'm a woman too!"

LMAO


Happy Friday y'all! ;p

Sharing The Joke...

Dave comes home from work early one day.  He walks into the kitchen and sees his wife on her knees, scrubbing the floor.  He watches the rhythmic movements of her bum high in the air for a few seconds, before he can't take it anymore. 

Without a word, he lifts up her skirt, slides in and gives her the pounding of her life until they both orgasm loudly.  Then he zips himself up, gets to his feet and kicks up her arse as hard as he can.


"What the fuck was that for?!", she screams at him.

"That was for not turning round to see who the fuck it was."

P.S: I'm not sleepy.  It's been raining hard tonight.  Gotta find something to do, right? ;p

And The Answer Is...

BOOBIES!

I know a lot of you guessed right! Well it wasn't that hard, was it?

You: You bitch! What's the eff?

Me: Hey! Don't shout at me.  I was sick and was in need of entertainment.  I thought I'd ask you all a simple question with an obvious answer but knowing you guys, I was sure many of you would think it's a trick question.  *reach for her crystal ball* 

You: Well...

Me: See? Now you're shaking your head and despite yourself, a chuckle escaped your lips.  *put away the crystal ball*

You:  But Jo, that's foolish, isn't it?  And quit rubbing it in - the fact that your boobs are perfect!

Me: I swear I'm not rubbing it in and my boobs are not perfect.  Have you read the post before the previous one? Mmm...Honey Lips believes I'm a Superwoman - his Superwoman.  You know love is blind, right? So there you go...

You:  Uh huh...

Me: Okay...so you had a good laugh...at my expense...right? Good...Now what about the new template? Ya diggin' it? ;p

A Morning Puzzle

"You know what's good about them?", Honey Lips asked while holding them.

"They never answer back, they respond to my touch, and they are pretty", he continued, while I looked at him with a smile on my face.

"They are just perfect...look at them...", he further added.

Now I ask you, my smart readers, what or who is Honey Lips talking about? ;p

Why Me?

A few minutes earlier...

"Hmm, what's so fascinating about you that men go ga-ga over you or your like huh?", I asked while I critically examined them closer.

They were right there, comfortably plopped atop my folded arms, as if they're ready to strike a provocative pose.

I peered closer, left to right, right to left and, "Oh! One of you is bigger than the other...", I exclaimed in surprise, "...way bigger!"

"What's up with that?", I mumbled.

"I know not being symmetrical is nothing serious but holy tamale! You are way bigger than the right one, Left Booby!"

Ugh.

P.S: I had to pen this down, for those who got no boobies! LMAO! Sue me not...

Bitchin'

Every time Honey Lips and I plan on having sex (due to his hectic schedule, we gotta plan!), we fall asleep on each other; sometimes during foreplay! Now you must be saying: "Well, I understand Honey Lips works hard, so he can be excused but what about you? Why do you fall asleep?".

Don't worry, my crystal ball doesn't reveal pertinent secrets, only the obvious ones.  Plus, I ask myself the same question.  I don't do any manual work (remember the old bitch who said my hands are smooth? Yea...there you go...).  As soon as I lie down in bed, my eyes start feeling heavy and before I know it, I'm nodding off like a baby.  What's the reason? I don't have a scooby.

Very often, we catch up in the mornings, all the while discussing who fell asleep the first the previous night. And we always blame each other.  And then after sex, I get bitchy.  It's like the sexual climax releases hatred into my weak system and I bitch like a bitch.  I make noise at everything.  For that too, I got no explanation.

And why the hell am I telling you all this?

Just wanna bitch, that's all.

kthxbai.

A Small Thank You!

I have a confession.

No matter how busy I am, my narcississistic (oh quiet! It's deliberate!;p) self signs in on Blogger everyday to check on the number of followers I have.  You do it too so no need for that 'Bitch!' I'm psychic! Boo!

Anyitsmyshitway, I know I don't follow you all back but I would like to.  So please leave a comment (even your blog link...I'm not going to bash anyone...self-promoting goes a long way my lovelies...I tell ya!) and I'll do my utmost best to follow y'all back!

So when I see I have new followers, my heart gets all warm and fuzzy.  I thank you all - my old and new followers for sticking by my side. 

Photo Credit

Enjoy your day my darlings! ;p

It's Funny Now...

I know I keep saying I miss you guys. It's so true.  I'm spending less and less time reading blogs or writing posts because I'm drowned in immigration-related paperwork, medical tests, visits to my lawyer's office and other less significant tasks.  By the time I come home, my anger management issues rise to the forefront because before leaving the house in the mornings I don't make the bed.  I get rushed.  So yes, coming back home to an unmade bed, a laundry basket on the verge of exploding, and then socks and shoes scattered everywhere on the bedroom floor - that's not a pretty sight nor a mood lightener. 

Anyway, I have to tell you all something that happened to me - well, two somethings actually - on Friday night.  Honey Lips and I went to that Pissy Leaks Club. Remember? We went there because everything is back to normal (uh huh) and we thought of spending only a couple of hours in said club.

It was a hot night and I chose to wear a short black, strapless dress.  Sans bra.  I usually flat-ironed my hair when I go clubbing but that night, I didn't have the energy to straighten out my unruly hair.  With a few twists, I made a knot and let the ends sit on my left shoulder.  I was looking different and Honey Lips' libido kinda skyrocketed and he wouldn't stop groping me in the club.  For the first time, that irritated me.  After a few awkward maneouvres, I managed to make him stand in front of me, while I embraced him from the back.

"Stay here.  I'll be behind you this time.  And hug you...", I shouted at him.  I had to.  The music was loud.



The music picked up after a while and we were dancing like crazy people.  I slightly moved away from him so I could catch a breath or two when I felt this sudden rush of cold air in my bosom area.  Panicky, I looked down and OMG! there they were! My titsoruses proudly out for all to see! The shame ...you know how they say something about wishing the floor would open and swallow you up stuff? Yes, that! It was horrible.

Not quickly enough, I pulled my dress up and held tightly onto my unsuspecting husband and shamefully looked around to see if anyone saw me and my girls.  Unfortunately, I couldn't tell because it was too dark.  But then I heard the women dancing next to us chuckling.  Oh Sweet Dickens!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Half an hour later, Honey Lips suggested we leave the dancefloor and go up in the VIP lounge.  I promptly nodded and followed him.  I didn't tell him anything...yet.  As soon as we stepped into the VIP section, we met a few friends of his, ones I've never met before.  So HL begun the necessary introductions.  I shook hands with them and smiled when one of the women pleasantly exclaimed, with my hand still in hers: "Oh your hand is so smooth!".

"Excuse me?", I said.

She turned to Honey Lips and said, "Her hands are very soft and smooth.  She doesn't work hard enough", and then she started to laugh!

 "Mine are soft and smooth too", Honey Lips breathed out, "and I work hard.  My wife doesn't need to work hard.  I love them soft and smooth by the way."

Old bitch!

I was in too good a mood to let her rattle my cage.  Honey Lips and I spent the rest of the night, by the bar, laughing like crazy people in love...with the sad titepisode, willingly pushed to the back of my mind...

And That's How The Cookie Crumbles!

"You can come in my room and chill", Honey Lips sweetly said.

"OK", I shrugged.

We were alone in his bedroom, my best friend was sent to the cyber cafe to fax something to someone.  She'd be gone for a while and Honey Lips was horny.

This is the first time he decided to make a move on unsuspecting me...

"Would you like a massage?  A sensual message?", he asked me.  What in the world is a sensual massage? Don't all massages be the same?

I looked at him uncertainly and he reassured me, "Don't worry.  I gave one to BFF and there's no sex involved."

"BFF had a sensual massage? When? She didn't tell me?", I felt betrayed.

"It was nothing.  I'll give you one if you want...?", he then paused, waiting for my answer.

"Alright."  If BFF got one I'll have one too you know.  Of course I wasn't thinking that out loud. 

I went to his bed and lied down on my belly, fully clothed.  I had on, a pair of blue jeans and a red top.  He lifted my top and started rubbing down his hands on my back.  Very gently. Started to knead my bones and muscles on my back.  I was in heaven.

"You like it?", he whispered.  "Mmmmm...", I tried to nod.

"Would you like me to take off your top?"

"Mmmm..."

I was completely lost to his touch and couldn't resist him.  I was in a lull when...

Whoa! My eyes snapped open and,

"Relax, I wouldn't do anything you don't want me to", he coaxed while his fingers were fumbling with my bra.

"Turn over...", he continued.  What the hell? No sex my ass! I know where that's going...

I did turn my spellbound ass over.  He removed my bra and BAM! He gasped and I looked at him.  His smoldering eyes were black with desire.  Those eyes made me feel like a wanton hussy.  The Moist Haven started to urgently tingle.  He closed his mouth over my throbbing nipples and began to suck...

Nothing matters right now.  I want him with every bone in my body. Oh yes...don't stop...

Then licking his way down to Moist Haven, his lips landed on it.  It was pouring down there in Moist Haven.  I could hear beating drums in my ears.

He ate it like a starved child, with me covering my face with one of his pillows.  I didn't want him to look at the blissfully-contorted expressions on my face...I started to wriggle under his mouth until my world burst into a euphoric kaleidoscope of colors...

With my back arched, I reached for his belt and unzipped his pants.

And what followed next went so fast that I was left stunned, craving for more.  He whipped out the Johnson and dived in once and pulled out!

What the fuck? Where is...? Why...? Uh...what...?!

I roused from the comatose-like state I was fiercely pushed in and looked at him pulling up his pants and buckling up. 

"What's wrong?", I queried, my mouth dry and the Africans still beating drums somewhere down there in Moist Haven.

"That's a sensual massage!", he explained.

"Oh...!"  That's it?

Much, much later, he told me that he just wanted to give me a taste and besides, I was seeing someone else.  And no, BFF never got any sensual massage from him, which I already knew by then because I asked BFF if it were true.   

Honey Lips knew that if he didn't bend the truth a little about BFF getting a sensual massage I would have never gone for a sensual massage!  Damn right I wouldn't have and I would have missed 6 months's worth of blissful sex!

And that folks, that's how the cookie crumbled....


P.S:  That was a long damn post! Phew..! If you've made it until the end then by God you must be soaking wet right now.  Else, you have a problem.  Your sex drive needs oiling. Or something...

Booby Talk

Everybody likes big boobies.  Am I right? 

If you don't then move to the left! Ha!

For those who love big boobies, women included - because don't tell me you don't get turned on by big bouncy boobies! You lie.  Anyway move to the left if a nerve in your nether regions doesn't jump at the sight of boobage -, stay and read. 

First let me clarify: by massive breasts I mean big like Salma Hayek - natural and firm and UP.  Not fake boobies.  Like Pamela Anderson or Katie Price.  Uh huh.

God has endowed me with pretty big boobies.  I never asked for it and I always say that it's not my prayer God answered but Honey Lips'.  He enjoys them most of the time. And sometimes I do too.  Hey I gotta take care of business too!  No judging please. 

Anyway this is about when I wanted to have a breast reduction! I know.  Crazy!

When I was growing up, I realized that my mammary glands are way bigger than my friends'.  It used to bother me.  A lot.  Because every time I step into a clothes shop I have problems finding a top.  When I find one that fits me to a T, I'll buy at least 2 in different colors.  My expensive shopping trips always ends in tears of frustration.  And then, I have men talking to my breasts instead of looking me in the eyes for a decent conversation.  I spent four years in a sex-deprived country and believe me, crossing my hands over my boobs grew tiresome after a short while.

Then I decided that when I get rich I'll have a boob reduction.  My best friend called me crazy and advised that I would grow out of it in a couple of years.  And that she liked my boobs just like they are.  That didn't convince me until I became sexually active! Like when I had sex the first time. 

Oh boy! Was I ever happy again!  Heck, I was so enchanted by them that I had to experience them on my own!  It opened up a new world to me.  It has also boosted my self-confidence (not too much because I still have other complex physical issues!  It never ends huh?!)

And the day Honey Lips decided to put his seduction plan in motion made me see stars and thanked God that there won't be any more blabbering of "I want small boobies."  Like HL keeps saying, "the way they spilled out of your bra got me hooked"; so in a way I should thank the twins!  Don't you think?

What's my bra size you ask? Ha! Let's just say big enough for HL to bury his face in between and yell "Bouyaka!" ;p

Defintely A Night To Remember

"I'm hungry boy.  Are you hungry?", Honey Lips asked me by rubbing his belly.

"Yes, I am", I answered.

"Let's go find something to eat then", he started walking towards the door, with me in tow.  

It's Thursday night.  Honey Lips and I are in the local club, sitting in the VIP area, with him nursing a work-in-progress headache.  We just came back from the dance floor because the music was shitty and too loud.  We're surrounded by a crowd of upper-class, stuck-up mortals and not too many of bourgeois wannabes.  We fit in perfectly.

Anytime Honey Lips skips a meal, his skull hurts.  (That's what he says.)

The kitchen is on the ground floor.  Once there, we placed our order - Fish Burger, since there was no chicken.  While we're enjoying our burgers, a group of girls came down and took the table set slightly opposite ours.  One of the girls is a friend of Honey Lips and she is also The Sporadic Mistress of his friend.  She came over to say hi to us and I could tell she was tipsy.  She is very pretty.  As in model-pretty.

So there we are, Honey Lips and I, eating our hearts out, when the ceiling starts leaking!

"What the hell?", Honey Lips grunted.

"Hey! The ceiling is leaking!", he pointed to the cracked patch a few feet away from our table.  One of the staff promptly went to look for a bucket.

While Mr. Prompt Staff is still looking for that bucket, another patch starts leaking.

"Oh no we're getting out of here, come on love...", HL said.

So we take our burgers and move to stand next to The Sporadic Mistress' table.

"Oh no, that's the water from the toilet upstairs!", shouted one of the staff. 

Fuck.  Those are pissy leaks!

At the same time, The Sporadic Mistress grabs Honey Lips' right hand and takes a bite off his burger!  Honey Lips looks at me and sees the murderous glint in my eyes.  I look back at him and I see anger and frustration.  He forces a grin and moves away from her.

What the fuck? That bitch didn't...oh no...Bitch you don't want me to rip your c**t, you mother-ass bitch!

"Oh that's good.  What is it?", asked Sporadic Mistress, completely oblivious to the tension and the pissy water.

"Fish burger", HL mumbled.  "How much is it? I need to get one!", she said.

"Don't say anything.  Let it go Jo", whispered Honey Lips.

I put my burger down because I lost my appetite.  Honey Lips put his down too.  He couldn't eat his either.  He loathes it when people reach for his food while he's eating.  I try to breathe in and out, but I just couldn't mask my furious expression. 

"It's useless saying anything to her.  That's how they are.  Just leave it", Honey Lips murmured.

Not where I come from! People don't behave like that.  Heck I'd understand if she were your best friend.  But she fucking ain't! Whore ass motherbitcher...! 

By this time, the toilet water's escaping through the cracks.  I'm still mulling over the situation - whether to disregard HL's advice and tell The Sporadic Mistress where she can shove it or let it go and haughtily walk out.  And then I look down.  Pissy water is everywhere!

I shrieked.  Or howled.  I don't even remember.  All I wanted to do was to get out of there as quickly as I could.  Honey Lips was having the same thoughts and he just grabbed my hand and,

"Let's go home.  Enough of this shit."

I was too happy to oblige and followed him.

While we're rushing towards the exit another crack opens up and more pissy water's coming down.  I started to run and splash! A few pissy drops hit my shoulder and my right hand.  Yikey.  I disgustingly held my right pissed-on arm as far away from my body as I could until I reached outside the club.

We are almost near the exit door when I see heavy drops of blood on the floor.

WHAT.  THE.  FUCK.

Even HL spotted the blood and asked one of the security guards what the hell happened.  Apparently, one of the customers got hit on his head but everthing is under control now.

Heck no.  My husband and I jumped in the car and drove back home as if the devil was chasing down our pissed-on tail.

Once home,

"Oh fuck!", exclaimed Honey Lips.

"What now?", I asked.

"We forgot to pay for the burgers!"

Amazing Finds

I need to really sit down and write a unique blog post but in the meantime, here's a post dedicated to other interesting stuff I found on the Internet.  ;p

1.  Barbie Football

Read more here.

2.  King of all Herrings

[via]

3.  Pink Dolphins

                                      

For more, visit here.

4.  Pretty Mugs

More original mugs here.

5.  Digital Flower

More details here.

6.  Books Installation

Visit this site for more.

7.  Creative and Modern Bathtubs

Feast your eyes on more unique bathtubs here.

8.  Liger (Half-breed lion and tiger)

Read more here.

That's all for today folks! ;p

Where You And I Laugh Till We Spill Our Guts

Monday sucked for you?

Well it's a brand new day today.  Forget why your boss shouted at you yesterday.  Forget the bus you missed yesterday morning and consequently reached to work late.  Forget everything bad that happened to you yesterday.  Unless you love Mondays and nothing and no-one can make you feel like a dead-ass rat on a Monday morning.

Well if you visit my my blog to have a laugh then I promise you, it won't be any different today because what I have for you is pure cruelty but in a funny way.  You can be cruel and funny at the same time, can't you?  Good! I knew it.

Okay.  Enough of my blabbering and let's get that funny bone of yours tickled pink.

What you'll find below is some snapshots of Yahoo! Answers Hall of Shame.  I came across them while browsing my boring Sunday away.  And I did my best to come up with the best answers I could.  Grab that cup of coffee girl (or fix your glasses....oh you drink tea? Me too! What brand?...Hello! We're talking about Yahoo! dumb-ass questions here!....Gee girl, calm down, we'll talk tea in another post...kthks!) and read on!

You'll crack the jar if you fart in it...(got it?)

Gee I don't know.  I guess if you do forget how to breathe, we won't have to read any more of your dumb-ass questions? Good riddance it will be!

Just like you get used to having a fucking penis shoved up your crack?

Have you ever heard of the hospital?  You know, the place where little green men and women run around naked, smoking weed (ref. to Nurse Jackie) because they got nothing better to do? Because people like you, instead of getting off your arse and seeking professional/medical help, you prefer switching on your PC, open a Yahoo! browser and type away your silly question.

Ha! I couldn't come up with a better answer than The End's.

Are you kidding me?  You know how to post a question on Yahoo! but don't know how to use a calculator?

Call E.T.  He might know who kidnapped you.  But first you have to call Spielberg to get E.T's phone number.  Or Drew Barrymore!

I would like to add: Just like you put on weight when your brain registers new information.

If you want to see where fools congregate visit Funny Yahoo! Answers!

Now let's hear your answers! Because I know a lot of you can come up with better answers than mine! ;p

Chop, chop!

Look What I've Found!

Usually when I'm alone at home while Honey Lips is busting his ass off to make that dough, I either watch TV or simply surf the net.  And tonight, I chose the net (TV sucks ass tonight) and came across some interesting stuff which I would like to share with all of you. 


So without much further ado, let's have a peep at what I've found:

• Creatively crafted candles that'll blow you away....

For more fantabulous candle designs go over to Cafe Terra.

• Top 10 Unusual Use of Beer (Very informative!) 
• Top 10 Bizarre Food Ingredient (You'll thank me after reading this.)
• Christiano Ronaldo has ugly feet.  (Yep...I never liked him, however sexy some find him to be.)
• If I were a Nudist I'd be having a house like this. (The house in the the third picture.)
• Amazing Photoshop Manipulations

For more go here.

I think that'll be all for tonight. Enjoy! ;p

Share your opinions in the below comment box!