I Spoke Too Soon But Haiku? Should Work.

Have you read Magpie's I've Felt Better post? Well you better click on that link.  Anyway check out the comment I left on that post:

I got my wish! And I want to take it back!

I'm not going into details about my menstrual discomfort but good lord! it feels like there are 10 angry, macho footballers in my lower-belly, kicking the hell out!

So I jumped in bed, stayed there for almost 7 hours! And then I came upon a series of Haiku from the same book I got the Dirty Verses.  It's quite a long list (I've already watched that episode of NCIS - where Abby gets stalked!) so it's alright.  Now up to you to read till the end and laugh out loud! ;p

Let's start typing!

Apparently Sony's new portable PC comes complete with Haiku error messages designed to be more soothing to the frustrated Windows user.  For example:

A file that big?

It might be very useful.

But now it is gone.

 ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You seek a Web site.

It cannot be located.

Countless more exist.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 Chaos reigns within.

Stop, reflect and reboot.

Order shall return.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 Aborted effort:

Close all that you have worked on.

You ask way too much.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 Yesterday it worked.

Today it is not working.

Windows is like that.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 First snow, then silence.

This thousand dollar screen dies.

So beautifully.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 With searching comes loss.

The presence of absence.

"June Sales.doc" not found.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 The Tao that is seen

Is not the true Tao

Until you bring fresh toner.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 Windows NT crashed.

The Blue Screen of Death.

No one hears your screams.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 Stay the patient course.

Of little worth is your ire.

The network is down.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 A crash reduces

Your expensive computer

To a simple stone.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 Three things are certain.

Death, taxes and lost data.

Guess which has occurred.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 You step in the stream

But the water has moved on.

Page not found.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 Out of memory.

We wish to hold the whole sky.

But we never will.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 Having been erased,

The document you are seeking 

Must now be retyped.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 Serious error.

All shortcuts have disappeared.

Screen.  Mind.  Both are blank.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

HAPPY WEEKEND! ;p

Dirty Verses I Copied

...from a book Honey Lips bought when we were still living in London...

There was a young lady from Leith

Who would circumcise men with her teeth

It wasn't for fame,

Or love of the game

But to get at the cheese underneath.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was a young actress from Crewe,

Who remarked, as the vicar withdrew,

"The Bishop was quicker

And thicker and slicker,

And two inches longer than you."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was a young vampire called Mabel,

Whose periods were always quite stable,

At every full moon

She took out a spoon,

And drank herself under the table.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was a young plumber from Lee,

Who was plumbing his girl with glee,

She said stop your pumbling,

I think someone's coming,

Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me!"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A kinky young girl from Coleshill,

Tried a dynamite stick for a thrill,

They found her vagina,

In North Carolina,

And bits of her tits in Brazil.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was a young man from Pitlochrie,

Making love to his girl in the rock'ry,

She said, "Look you've cum,

All over my bum,

This isn't a shag, it's a mock'ry."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was a young lassie from Morton,

Who had one long tit and one short 'un,

On top of all that,

A great hairy twat,

And a fart like a sixty-five Norton.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

THE.  END.

P.S: My blogger is acting up.  I can't leave comments.  Will catch up on that tomorrow! ;p
P.P.S: I created a Tumblr account today.  Come over at http://johanah.tumblr.com and have a peep! ;p