Sex Faces

I was 8 or 9 years old and I remember the first thought that crossed my mind when I met one of my teachers was how would he look in his underwear?  And I had this clear image of him in a brown speedo (of all things!) and I couldn't stop giggling! Well, yeah, I was a damn precocious child!

Then I reached my 16th birthday.  Everything changed.  Well, not every thing but let's just say my thoughts took a slight diversion.  Instead of underwear, I wonder about sex faces.  Yes, faces/expressions you make while having sex.  When I meet someone for the first time, I think of sex.  That sounds bad, isn't it?  I don't want to sex you up.  No.  Far from that.  Here's how it goes in my head when I come across a stranger:

My inside-my-head-voice - if it's a man:  Mmm, he's not bad.  I wonder how he looks like when he's having sex? Does he moan? Or does he say dirty things to his partner while riding him or her? What expressions does he make when he's about to cum? He looks like the mouth-open-tongue-out-type...I wish I were a fly on the wall or wherever he happens to be when he gets his groove on...

If it's a woman:  Mmm, nice boobies (I get turned on by luscious boobies...ssshhh!).  Does she like to be on top? This one looks like she moans like the French.  You know, like sensual, low-pitched, howling sounds.  What facial expressions does she make? Will she look ugly when her vaggie's getting invaded? Does she pant like a licking dog?

And on and on it goes...I try to picture 'em in several positions and mind you, I don't get turned on; it's just a lazy hobby I've freakishly picked up while watching too much porn for the last 8 months! Gah..

I know I look ugly when I moan and groan during intercourse.  Honey Lips told me once, post-intercourse, that my face is weird when he's riding me.  I always end up with a tear-stained face though.  What about ya?

A Blushing, Inconsequential Thought

I just woke up from a fierce, powerful, wet dream where I actually felt my hips thrust up and forward...My eyes were forcefully open just when I felt that lick of flame searing me down there...

I'm shaken and I'm trying to remember what the guy looked like but, alas, all that comes to mind is a set of perfectly white teeth, grinning as if the cat got the cream....

Plagued with wantonness and desire, I can only hope time does fly this time...because I just can't wait for some lil action...

Home Sweet Home

Hiya! 

I'm back but not really back.  

For the first time, I brought Honey Lips home and he's enjoying every single minute of it...sleeping!  Would you believe that? He doesn't feel like going out at all.  I let him spend the day in bed because I know he needs the rest.  

AnyImstokedway, I'm loving every minute of being home and I'll be here for a while.  My old room has been transformed and I won't feel comfy until Honey Lips leaves.  I'm not used to having my old bedroom shared with someone else, especially a man! 

Whispers: Every time we have sex it feels so 'forbidden'! And our sex life kinda hit the roof! It's like having sex while your parents are like 3 dozen feet away.  Total bliss! Like yeah mom, I'm having sex in your house and you can't say shit!  Boo ya!

I'll miss my Honey Lips when he goes away.  I'll join him whenever everything gets sorted out.  However, I must admit I'll be glad to be on my own for a while.  Since HL and I met we haven't spent one night apart.  Romantic, huh? Not really.  After a while, the craving to be single for at least 24 hours eats at you like fish nibbling on soggy bread.  

I have more things to say but I think one of my cousins will be here any minute.  

Before I leave, please know I miss you all my beautiful people.

I can't wait to read all of y'all blogs.  It'll be a while but I'll catch up.

Don't I always? ;p

Huzzah!

The deadline for Bloggerstock is on the 31st of May 2010! And I'm still debating over theme songs! Yikes!  I was hoping by tonight I would send Sarah my post but oh Mother Saint! Well, I'll come up with something...

Anyway Happy Friday y'all...go out....drink...smoke...have loads of sex...or do whatever rocks your dinghy...just have fun, kthxbai!

Dirty Verses I Copied

...from a book Honey Lips bought when we were still living in London...

There was a young lady from Leith

Who would circumcise men with her teeth

It wasn't for fame,

Or love of the game

But to get at the cheese underneath.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was a young actress from Crewe,

Who remarked, as the vicar withdrew,

"The Bishop was quicker

And thicker and slicker,

And two inches longer than you."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was a young vampire called Mabel,

Whose periods were always quite stable,

At every full moon

She took out a spoon,

And drank herself under the table.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was a young plumber from Lee,

Who was plumbing his girl with glee,

She said stop your pumbling,

I think someone's coming,

Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me!"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A kinky young girl from Coleshill,

Tried a dynamite stick for a thrill,

They found her vagina,

In North Carolina,

And bits of her tits in Brazil.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was a young man from Pitlochrie,

Making love to his girl in the rock'ry,

She said, "Look you've cum,

All over my bum,

This isn't a shag, it's a mock'ry."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was a young lassie from Morton,

Who had one long tit and one short 'un,

On top of all that,

A great hairy twat,

And a fart like a sixty-five Norton.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

THE.  END.

P.S: My blogger is acting up.  I can't leave comments.  Will catch up on that tomorrow! ;p
P.P.S: I created a Tumblr account today.  Come over at http://johanah.tumblr.com and have a peep! ;p

I'm Crazy...But You Know That!

But how much of a nuthead am I really?  You don't know that!

Now before you read the following, let me warn you that this post is of a delicate subject and if you're eating, come back after you're done stuffing your face.

Okay.  You ready?

Alright...

Recently, I've been smelling my own panties...and I like the way it smells! 

Hey put that phone down! I'm perfectly sane and I do not need to be admitted to Nutty Hospital! And don't try smelling your panties NOW! You can do it later.  After you finish reading this post.

So tell me.  Have you ever tried to smell your own knickers?  Especially after you've washed the vajay after sex?

That pleasant smell comes only after sex.  And stays for a few days.

For the first time, yesterday, I confessed to Honey Lips and he just laughed and called me a freak! 

"I like the way my pussy juice smells after we done fucking", I excitedly confessed.

"You're a freak!", he chuckles.

"I think it's because my juice is mixed up with yours.  And I love the way your cock smells after sex.", I continued.

"Tell me that again tonight!", he suggests.

But we didn't have sex last night because we both fell asleep!

He took care of business today though and Lordy Lord I can't tell you how much that scent excites my senses.

AnyIamnottellingyouanotherwordabouttodayssexway, ain't it a motherbitcher when after lovemaking you go to wash the poumpoum and one drop of pussy juice trickles down your legs and then you gotta step back in the shower and wash again?!  Totally annoying, isn't it?

1 Cat And A Baby - That's All I Want!

"I want a cat!", I shrieked at Honey Lips.

He calmly replied, "You can't handle two pussies!"

What is wrong with him? I swear sometimes he drives me up the wall because he takes everything as a joke.  

I mean I really, really want a cat!  A feline (other than myself...hahaha) who I'll take care of.  Someone who'll listen to me when no one is around.  Don't mind I'm scared of cats.  That'll give me an opportunity to face my fear (one of many) and pat myself on the back.  

Also, I think owning a kitten is a great way for me to prepare for motherhood, don't ya think?

So why don't you get pregnant? I hear you.

I'm having difficulty conceiving right now.  Well I had two prior miscarriages and now it looks like the Lady Eggs are definitely on a strike.  Click on that link and you'll know more.  

You smoke too much!

*gasps*  You bish! I don't.  A few times maybe but I'm trying to stop puffing.  Now I can't quit cold turkey, can I?  It's so hard.  It's imp...

Oh! Stop with all your shitty excuses! You friggin' want a baby so stop smoking Madre Dios!

Okay.  Okay.  I will.  I promise. I swear.

But I still want a cat...?

Shake The Johnson Instead!

Disclaimer:  This post is NSFW!

My father-in-law is away for two weeks and I'm hogging his living room.  Why?  His living room is way cooler than mine.  Plus he has a set of Lazyboys! I don't need much convincing.  So I thought I would spend Saturday on the Lazyboy, with my feet well propped up, watching TV.  Honey Lips is helping the two electricians we called on to fix some electrical issue we're having at home.

Mmmm...it feels good.  I'm licking an ice cream cone when...

The Shake Weight ad came on!

Are you serious?

That ad is dripping with sexual connotations!

Have you seen it yet?

For those who haven't here's a peek.





As you can see and hear, it's "the newest invention in exercise".  Hilarious, isn't it?
I have a better solution.  FOR FREE!  
Yes! That's it!  
You have a boyfriend, a husband, a live-in lover, a fucking buddy?  Then you do NOT need to buy the Shake Weight!  Just get down on your knees (or stand up; whatever rocks your boat!) and get the Johnson shaking.  Not only will it give you sexy arms but while squatting your butt will get fixed up too!  2-in-friggin'-1...or 3-in-friggin'-1 (if you count the gyrating of the waist too).  You can also add oral stimulation to the daily regime.  Your double-chin will be taken care of.  
Now the mammoth task of "manual sexual stimulation" seems more appealing than before, doesn't it?  I mean not only do I get him off (my back) but I get rid of the extra flab in my arms.  
Wear sleeveless unembarrassedly and show off those no-longer-hanging-loose arms you got for gratis!
You better get to work now...Summer is just around the corner!