Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Dirty Verses I Copied

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...from a book Honey Lips bought when we were still living in London...

There was a young lady from Leith
Who would circumcise men with her teeth
It wasn't for fame,
Or love of the game
But to get at the cheese underneath.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was a young actress from Crewe,
Who remarked, as the vicar withdrew,
"The Bishop was quicker
And thicker and slicker,
And two inches longer than you."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
There was a young vampire called Mabel,
Whose periods were always quite stable,
At every full moon
She took out a spoon,
And drank herself under the table.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was a young plumber from Lee,
Who was plumbing his girl with glee,
She said stop your pumbling,
I think someone's coming,
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me!"
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

A kinky young girl from Coleshill,
Tried a dynamite stick for a thrill,
They found her vagina,
In North Carolina,
And bits of her tits in Brazil.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was a young man from Pitlochrie,
Making love to his girl in the rock'ry,
She said, "Look you've cum,
All over my bum,
This isn't a shag, it's a mock'ry."
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

There was a young lassie from Morton,
Who had one long tit and one short 'un,
On top of all that,
A great hairy twat,
And a fart like a sixty-five Norton.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

THE.  END.

P.S: My blogger is acting up.  I can't leave comments.  Will catch up on that tomorrow! ;p
P.P.S: I created a Tumblr account today.  Come over at http://johanah.tumblr.com and have a peep! ;p

11 comments:

Gnetch said...

Hahaha. This really made me laugh! What book was that? I better buy one!

wanderingmenace said...

hahahaha
nice

B. said...

My friends and I always got a good laugh at reciting :

There once was a man from Kent
Whose dick was so long it was bent.
To stay out of trouble,
He'd stuck it in double
And instead of coming, he went.

Esp. funny when intoxicated.


I've never heard those ones before. They are great!

Magpie said...

Limericks are amazing... can't remember any dirty ones off the top of my head but these ones are great!

No One Reads The Copy said...

These made me LOL for realz!!

Kate said...

Laughing muchly! :) I remember finding a book of these in a fancy book shop in Cambridge. That was a fun day!

Kate x

Saumya said...

This is my first visit to your blog. Haha, I could not stop laughing at this poem (my first "dirty" poem ever)!! Excited to follow you :)

P.S. The main character in my WIP is dating a workaholic. Woo hoo.

Lady Mel said...

There was a young lady from Leith
Who would circumcise men with her teeth
It wasn't for fame,
Or love of the game
But to get at the cheese underneath.

Is that Lady Gaga? :P

There was a young plumber from Lee,
Who was plumbing his girl with glee,
She said stop your pumbling,
I think someone's coming,
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me!"

I chucked out loud. Johana, how is that tumblr page? Is it worth looking into?

Johana Hill said...

Gnetch I'll tweet you the link of the book! ;p The link is messy!


B. I should note yours down! Hahahaha...

Saumya Thanks for following! Will look up your blog soon! ;p

MKL said...

Hahaha.. the last one is the cherry on top. A bit gross, but I love it :P

Carina the Blogarina said...

Funny!

But more important, you lived in London? Holy macaroni that is my dream to live there for a little while...I absolutely love that city! Lucky you!

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