Friday, February 26, 2010

My Slutty Ovaries

Yes you read right.

My baby-making eggs are sluts.

Just like street hookers.

Always teasing, flirting, showing off to the soldiers but they won't take any home! Their freedom seemingly matters most.  The word on the street is if you do take one of the Johns back to the rooster, a few weeks later the whole district gets invaded.  By a human-like creature who, for nine whole months, sometimes less or more if they're out of luck,  captures and imprisons them.  The Slutty Eggs don't like God because, on several occasions, they've heard her (God is a woman.  She speaks like one.) planning the attack.  On some days, they can even hear Zeus bringing in the soldiers.  Zeus is good.  Because Zeus always tells his troopers to 'go through the front and exit through the drain.  It's much safer this way.  And soldiers! Stay away from the Lady Eggs!'

Now the Lady Eggs are the nemesis of the Slutty Eggs.  The Lady Eggs are on a God's mission - seduce the Johns and take them home to mama.  They always lurk in corners and spy on the Slutty Eggs.  The Lady Eggs almost succeeded twice in their strategy to trick the tricksters before the Slutty Eggs.

However, the Lady Eggs are weak in numbers and couldn't keep the captured 'prisoner' for long on both times.  They are planning a revenge though and the Slutties found out.  They also found out that God is contemplating of wiping out the whole district and starts afresh with another generation - The Good Eggs.

And that angered the Lady Eggs.  They feel like God betrayed them.  So they are on a strike - Stop the attacks altogether!

God is worried. :(


Impressions Of My Life At The Moment said...

You are hysterical! I adore your humor!

Johana Hill said...

Thank you! ;p

undomestic chica said...

This post is so much different than I expected by the title! You're too funny.

Juliana said...

Oh sweetie-you totally crack me up. COming from someone who has great eggs but needs a uterus to rent I totally cracked up. Glad you and I can always see humor in everything in life!

Annika said...

Your blog is delightful, after that post I'm definitely following you!

Blue~Flame said...

God, thats hysterical.
Next post: Ovaries on Probation. Whatsay?!

Tina said...

Please write a book with the title My Slutty Ovaries.

Johana Hill said...

Tina That'll be a good idea...but I need more material. Maybe after God brings in The Good Eggs? ;p

Blue~Flame Thank you. I might as well. Next time. ;p

Iva said...

you are hilarious!!

Amanda West said...

Lol!! That was too funny. My non-existent abs hurt.

Johana Hill said...


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