*Insert A Moue Here*

It pains me to say...but I'm going dark!

I no longer feel like I can be what I want on TMW.

Prying eyes bother me.

Many things bother me.

Putting it all out on the net is all good as long as you know no one knows it's you!

My freedom, albeit cloaked by anonymity, doesn't rejoice me as before.

It's time for me to move on.

Wish all of you the very best because you deserve it.

Words are not enough to describe the joy y'all have given me by subscribing, reading and following the blog.

I don't know what else to say save for this is goodbye?

Love you all...

Jack Bauer, Man of The Hour...

...day, month, year!

Make it forever!

While you all were busy watching the TV show 24, I was ensconced in a world full of crime with, for company, Horatio and Grissom.  I was so obsessed with CSI that no other TV shows would deviate my attention from that.  Then I discovered NCIS.  I ditched Horatio and Grissom for Gibbs, Ziva, Tony, Abby and McGee!

And now, since last week Jack Bauer is invading my dreams! I've pulled down all the seasons of 24 and Honey Lips and I are hooked! We can't watch any other TV shows at the moment.  Honey Lips wants to skip work because the suspense is killing him.  He gets excited like a gullible kid who thinks Santa would climb down the chimney at any moment.  My sexual relationship has never been better, mind you.

In one week's time, we finished watching 5 seasons! Tonight, season 6 is on!

Waxing lyrical about Jack Bauer is my new hobby.  And that of Honey Lips' too!

Last Friday (while 24 is on):

"Mmm, why are you kissing me so much? You're disturbing me!", I petulantly asked HL.

"I can't kiss Jack Bauer so I'm kissing you!", HL laughed.

"Gay!", I grinned at him.

"Whatever...Jack is THE man!", HL said.

I don't know if that's a good thing or not but right now I don't care because, Jack, fosho, is THE man!  

Sex Faces

I was 8 or 9 years old and I remember the first thought that crossed my mind when I met one of my teachers was how would he look in his underwear?  And I had this clear image of him in a brown speedo (of all things!) and I couldn't stop giggling! Well, yeah, I was a damn precocious child!

Then I reached my 16th birthday.  Everything changed.  Well, not every thing but let's just say my thoughts took a slight diversion.  Instead of underwear, I wonder about sex faces.  Yes, faces/expressions you make while having sex.  When I meet someone for the first time, I think of sex.  That sounds bad, isn't it?  I don't want to sex you up.  No.  Far from that.  Here's how it goes in my head when I come across a stranger:

My inside-my-head-voice - if it's a man:  Mmm, he's not bad.  I wonder how he looks like when he's having sex? Does he moan? Or does he say dirty things to his partner while riding him or her? What expressions does he make when he's about to cum? He looks like the mouth-open-tongue-out-type...I wish I were a fly on the wall or wherever he happens to be when he gets his groove on...

If it's a woman:  Mmm, nice boobies (I get turned on by luscious boobies...ssshhh!).  Does she like to be on top? This one looks like she moans like the French.  You know, like sensual, low-pitched, howling sounds.  What facial expressions does she make? Will she look ugly when her vaggie's getting invaded? Does she pant like a licking dog?

And on and on it goes...I try to picture 'em in several positions and mind you, I don't get turned on; it's just a lazy hobby I've freakishly picked up while watching too much porn for the last 8 months! Gah..

I know I look ugly when I moan and groan during intercourse.  Honey Lips told me once, post-intercourse, that my face is weird when he's riding me.  I always end up with a tear-stained face though.  What about ya?

MIA To BIAB

You might be asking yourself what's BIAB, right? It's Back In Action Bitches!! :p

And well if you're wondering what's MIA, then I guess I'll tell you to sod off!

Anyways, yes I'm back and I've missed you too guys.  It's been so long!

The Mercurial Wife is back.

And another post will follow shortly.  Just let me catch my breath from all the hugs I know I'll be getting from y'all! ;p

See ya!

A Blushing, Inconsequential Thought

I just woke up from a fierce, powerful, wet dream where I actually felt my hips thrust up and forward...My eyes were forcefully open just when I felt that lick of flame searing me down there...

I'm shaken and I'm trying to remember what the guy looked like but, alas, all that comes to mind is a set of perfectly white teeth, grinning as if the cat got the cream....

Plagued with wantonness and desire, I can only hope time does fly this time...because I just can't wait for some lil action...

Beat The Bitch!

If you've read the previous post then you'll laugh at my Christmas gift - well, one of 'em.

A book that tells you how to fend off men-stealing bitches.

Lover Boo is a darlin'.  Thank you boo-boo!

I haven't started the book yet.  I'll surely share some tips with y'all when I finish it. ;p

So, are you ready to end this year??

There's Always A Bitch Who Tryna Fuck Up My Love Story! - Part II

"What's her fucking problem?" I muttered to myself when I see her message on Honey Lips' Facebook wall.  "Ain't she got nothing better to do?"

I reached home, tired.  A shower later, I was in bed, with the laptop on, checking out Facebook for the latest "news".  I usually look up Honey Lips profile page just to see what he's been up to.  And what with Facebook new you-can-now-see-what-the-other-has-written-on-x-wall-feature, you can't hide.  (Thank you Mark! Or, whoever you stole the idea from!)

Anydamnway, there's this self-proclaimed classy bitch who, I believe, is just a bloody pain in the arse.  In my arse, to be precise.

"Hi babes! Wassup?", Honey Lips answered my call with enthusiasm.  My heart flipped.

I'm going to burst your bubble mister.  That's what's up!

And out loud came, "What the fuck is wrong with that friend of yours?".  I gritted my teeth.  "Why she keeps like-ing every damn thing you post on Facebook?"

"What?!", Honey Lips bemusedly exclaimed.

"Fucking Miss I-Shit-Gold, that's who!", I impatiently explained.

"Oh God Johanna, not Facebook again! How many times will I tell you Miss I-Shit-Gold and I are good friends.  Nothing more!" His bubble is well burst up now.

I harrumphed.  "No shit.  Then why she's acting like she your damn wife? Bloody disrespecting me on Facebook and you ain't saying nothin'! What's with all the lovey-dovey messages?"

"Johana! Johana! Johana! Stop!", HL shouted.

"Why? Tell I-Shit-Gold to stop!", I interrupted.

"For fuck sake -", he cut the call.

HE BLOODY HANG UP!

Oh no, you didn't. Hell no!

"Lover Boo, you there?" I typed on GTalk. You remember her, right? :p

"Yes! How are you?, LB replied.

"I'm so fucking pissed!" And I went on spilling my woes to Lover Boo.

"Ignore her!", LB typed.

"No fucking way.  Saying i love you hun, miss you hun on my husband's wall? You're crazy.  I'm gon write something on her post.  Bloody bitch!"

I tried to control my anger and after a few, deep breaths, I decided I'd act like a lady and try to be nice and see if Miss I-Shit-Gold follows my lead.

Whadayyano?  I-Shit-Gold insulted me.  Again.  Doesn't she know Honey Lips is married? She should 'cause his relationship status clearly indicates he's bloody taken.


Honey Lips reached home.  Saw the comments exchange between Miss I-Shit-Gold and I and he deleted them.  Called me and said, "I don't want no drama on my wall.  She's just a friend and there's nothing more going on between us.  Fucking shit gotta stop."

"Hell yes! Shit gotta stop and if you ain't stopping it I bloody will", I retorted.  "How would you like it if a guy friend of mine keeps posting on my Facebook wall, "I love you" and bloody blah blah? And I tried to be nice but she just wouldn't take the hint!"

Over the following days, she kept posting crap on Honey Lips' wall.  Both Honey Lips and I ignored her.  Then all hell broke loose when Honey Lips tagged me in a YouTube clip.

MISG commented, "You've forgotten all about me!"  Her stalking became worse after that.  She'd especially post something just after I did.

And then Honey Lips realised that indeed MISG is a fucking jealous trollop! Hallelujah! But the more you provoke HL, the more he'll ignore you.  It's infuriating but he gotta do something! Right? No.  He didn't.  And MISG continues on with her 'live life good' mantra.  From time to time, she would mention how she and HL have been friends for more than 20-something years and that their friendship is a forever thing.  Nobody will stop her showing love to her friends.

Lover Boo intervened with a goaded comment one day and MISG had the guts to insult her too!

Did I mention that Lover Boo and Honey Lips are real tight buddies?  No?  Well, they are.  MISG may have known HL for a long time but they haven't seen or met each other in eons.  Not that it really means anything in friendship but MISG is overplaying the we-are-old-friends factor.  I let her know that I'm glad she's an old friend of my husband but stay in your boundaries, will ya? She says she won't! And fed me crap like, she's a free-spirited soul, who believes in showing love to her friends and yaddi yadda...not to mention that she's a lady of class and her lineage is out of this world. (Insert eye rolls here please.  Thank you!)  She presumes that her public affection to a married man, albeit a friend, is not disrespectful at all.  Say what?!

Her last comment on HL's wall left me staggering. Why should I keep on feeding her already-massive ego?  Like Lover Boo said, the more I react to MISG's BS, the more she'll try to whip out non-existent demons.

Ain't no one gon fuck my love story! I'm the leading lady.  Heck! I'm the ONLY lady.

End of discussion.

Merry Christmas to you too!

There's Always A Bitch Who Tryna Fuck Up My Love Story!

Part II with details coming up soon. 

Whispers: I'm at work! Hush...

I Know, Right?

I'm crushing on my husband all over again!

I miss him so much! Plus, I ain't getting sex and I've never felt hornier.  We daren't sex-cam because of blue balls and burning lips and all.  We just gotta ride this one out...it's tough!

And thank you new followers for clicking on the follow button even though I haven't updated this blog in a long while! It's December and I'm hoping work-related stress won't kill me in this festive season.  My week-ends are pretty much taken up by engagements I simply can't refuse to attend.  And I promise I'll write a long post soon Kanwal. :)

I'm scared to open my Google Reader! Ha!

Until I come up with a long post, I wish y'all happy holidays and don't eat too much.  The fats don't leave.  They stay and make you look ugly.

Well, yes, I'll be reading some blogs later.  What about that? :p

On My Almost Over Day Off I...

...spent the whole day chatting with Honey Lips.  He's off on Mondays so we kinda have our cam on whole day.  There was no monkey business, I reassure you.  (Why am I even mentioning it? Blah...)

Anyway, yes, I'm so tied up with work.  I come home, knackered and sleepy.  Y'all gotta forgive me for my lack of online-social skills.  I still think of y'all very often.  And please don't un-subscribe! Whenever I have time, I'll make it up to y'all.

Nothing major has happened so far.  Well, there's something I want to blog about but I have to sit down and choose my words carefully.  You never know if the person I'll talk about may stumble over this blog.

What have I been missing?

I'm Off Tomorrow!

So I might post something? Who knows...:D

Me and I...It's Forever...

I have this deep fear.

That when I grow older, I'll start talking out loud, to no one in particular but to myself.

I do it now.  I talk to myself all the time.  I do enjoy the cozy twosome.

The only difference is that, when I indulge in conversations-with-self, no one can hear what's being said.  It's a silent spoken communication.

In my head:

Me:  Have I really talked about X to someone or was it to myself?  


I: Oh God! I can't remember.  Was it a real conversation?


Me:  I think not.  


I:  Dear God! I'm going crazy...


Yesterday, on my way for a smoking break, from afar, I saw a man, gesticulating wildly to no one in particular.  Since I'm short-sighted, I didn't spot the phone in his hands.

Me:  This guy is nuts.  


I: Uh huh.  *snicker*


Me: Uh oh...


I: What?


Me: Don't you see it?


I: Oh shucks! He's talking to someone on his phone.  He's not nuts.


Me:  He does look like one though.  I mean I can't do that, you know.  Plugging a pair of ear pieces to my phone and then someone calls and I pick up and I whisper loudly on the attached mic.


I:  I know what you mean.  I can't have people throwing me weird looks! 


Me:  But do you remember, years ago, you were doing the same ish?  Talking to Honey Lips while you are standing in a crowded bus, hanging on to your dear life?  It is pretty useful sometimes, ain't it?

An audible growl from I...

I: Fuck you looking at? 


Me: You growled and she heard you! *giggle* 


I:  Ha! She must think I'm crazy. 


And now, I blogged it!

Now What Should This Title Be?

I nervously look at him.

He's smiling. Oh! He's good-looking.  He's got that joie de vivre je-ne-sais-quoi about him.

However beguiling his smile is, fear fused with excitement grips my heart.  Please let this go down smoothly.  Please God!

"So, talk to me...", he confidently and reassuringly says.

I begin to talk and in between, he interrupts me with impertinent questions.  I unconsciously touch my burning cheeks.  Nothing really shocks me but somehow his probing into my private matter does.

"You look so nervous.  I'm sure it's not the first time you...", he teases when I cut him off.

"No, actually it's my third time..."

"For how long you've been married?", he asks and I answer.

"Relax, it'll be over soon", and somehow that sentence didn't reassure me at all.

"Take off your pants and lie down", he orders me.  Oh my!

I feel queasy.  I look around.  I swallow hard.  I try to breathe.  In and out.  In and out...

I hope he won't unceremoniously chuck it inside me like it happened the first time!

I take off my pants, lie down and wait for him.  He nears me and says, "Make sure you take the pills, otherwise I won't be able to help you."

I nod.  Please do whatever you gotta do quickly!

I shut my eyes tightly and send a tiny prayer to the Almighty.  Then I feel this cold thing on my belly.

Oh! He won't get his fingers inside me then! What a relief! 

I try to peek at the monitor while he moves the transducer all over my lower belly.  I can't see anything!

"All clear.  No infections.  No cysts.  You have a normal size uterus. I'll put you on a programme and let's see how soon we can get you a baby," he finally resolves.

I let out a sigh of relief.  Thank God!  I thought my uterus was kidnapped by cysts! Now all I gotta do is to seriously quit smoking and put my womb to good use!

I want that baby, dammit!

P.S: I'm back on Blogger.  Yes, I know I suck but hey I miss you guys over at Tumblr! It's not the same without y'all! :(  Now give me a hug!! ;p

Moved to Tumblr!

I'm keeping this blog open too!

Mainly, I'll blog on Tumblr.  Got a new job and I don't really have time to do pretty much anything else but work.

As it's easier to post on Tumblr - especially when you're at work! -, I'll do my best to update it as often as I can!

So why don't you head over to Oh, The Things You'll Read and subscribe?! ;p

Oh My!

I can't remember the last time I checked this blog.

So much has happened since my last post.

Thought I would sit down and get a new layout for this blog but I kinda got 'strayed' away.

Anyway, I'll be doing the layout this week-end.  Hopefully!

Also, I've got a few things I gotta ponder on...Updates will be coming soon.

Lost 2 followers. :p

No worries.

So yeah, I'll get down to business real soon.

Hope y'all enjoying a good week-end?

My Fingers Itch!

Okay.  Here goes.  I'll be making some changes up in this motherbitcher of  a blog!

I know some of you think that it's crazy - that I'm crazy - to keep changing templates and all but did you know that I get bored easily? Like, how I hate routines or staring at the same thing every day? *shudders*

And then I'm falling deeper and deeper in love with some of the bloggers out there.  I won't mention names now but after the complete layout-haulage, I'll publish a special post.  Just know that you guys are my source of inspiration.  I swear.

Plus, Christina gave me an award! Again, it'll come up in the next post.

Sorry for not linking right now but my fingers are itching!

I need gloves!

Peace!

P.S: Check out my Twitter profile! I put up a real picture of me but it's cropped! It's not Christmas yet, guys! Ha! Anyway, I'll take the pic down by the end of this week.  Go on...;p

If Looks Could Kill, Lover Boo Will Be Charged...

Reading this from Chinky Mel Corner, the night when Honey Lips, Lover Boo and I went clubbing came to mind.

In life, there are friends and friends.  Some friends, no matter how long you haven't spoken to, or no matter how far they are from you, remain special.  When you meet up again, it's like 'only yesterday'.  

Lover Boo and I are very tight.  As the new lingo describes it, we are BFFs.  The bond we share remains tight, if not tighter by each and every conversation we enjoy. 

When I came back home, of course, we met and kinda fell back in the now-that-I-am-here-we-will-see-each-other-as-often-as-possible-and-call-each-other-as-much-as-we-like-which-is-every-day routine.  

Honey Lips, Lover Boo and I planned a night out.  We went to a very popular club in the tourist-y area.  Lover Boo donned a sexy dress and a pair of high heels, whereas I wore my have-worn-so-many-times black dress, and heels.  We were feeling gorgeous, especially with Honey Lips praising us and all. 

(Something like the following ensued...in other words, paraphrasing...)

Lover Boo, once we reached the club, asked, "What will you guys have? I'm treating you two."

"Hennessy and Coke for me!", exclaimed Honey Lips.  

"I don't know...?", I was confused. What's new?

"Okay, let's go to the bar and then you can browse the menu", Lover Boo sweetly offered.

I agreed and, she and I made our way to the bar while Honey Lips rushed to the window seat. 

"Is something wrong with me? I see people shooting me weird looks...", LB asked me, sweeping a glance around us.  Lover Boo is really, really attractive.  You would agree too, if you saw her.

"You're pretty.  That's what it is", I chuckled while perusing the menu.  

"Women are staring at me! Eeekss...", she screeched.

"Isn't that what you want? Women looking at you?", I wisely cracked.  "Anyway, what are you having?"

"Yes, but they are giving me weird looks, you know? And this guy on my right too.  He's staring", LB whispered to me.  I stopped and looked on her right and saw this white dude devouring LB with his eyes.

"Oh! He is indeed staring at you!", I whispered back.

"Erm...have you decided what you want?", Lover Boo, uneasily, asked.  

"A Margarita! Yes. I want a Margarita. And you?", I looked up again, and what do you know? LB is talking to the white dude! I elbowed her and she turned to me.  

"Yes babes? He wants to buy me a drink!" She was bloody amused by now.  

"Accept it! Ha!", I, the Great Advisor, said.  "No way! He won't leave me alone then", LB muttered.  "Let's get you your drink. I'll have the same thing as well."

We ordered, collected our drinks and made our way to where Honey Lips was patiently waiting for us.

"You don't know what just happened!", I said to HL while I plopped my ass in the vacant chair next to him.  LB and I then regaled HL with what happened by the bar.

"Well next time, you accept his treat, silly!", Honey Lips teased LB.

Eventually, Lover Boo did accept White Dude's treat...A Guinness! For Honey Lips! 

Speed Kills!

Sometime last week:

"You know where is the new post office?", my dad asked me.

"Uh...I think?".  I didn't know, of course.

"Okay.  Well the post office's been moved to X.  Tomorrow can you please go pick up this letter for me?".  He showed me a Pick-Up note from the post-office.

"Will they give it to me? It's got your name on it?", I said with a frown.

"Of course.  Just take your ID with you", he nodded.

"Okay.  I'll go tomorrow". I agreed.

The following morning:

"I'll go to the post-office on my way to work", my mum said.

"Good.  Okay", I acquiesced.

"There's food for you to eat.  Just heat it.  Okay? I'm off."  My mum waved me good-bye.

Same day, in the afternoon:

"Look what's in there!" My mum pointed to the open envelope.  "Your father will be happy.  Your brother will be happier!"

"Oh? 'Me see...." I pulled the letter from the envelope and....OMG!

A speeding ticket!!

I checked the date and time and what do you know? My dad had the car on that famous day! My mum and I started to crack up.  My dad came home an hour later and, "Congratulations! You must be so proud of yourself, you who can't stop lecturing us about speed and all! Ha!" I cackled.

3 hours later:

"Guess what? Check this out.  Dad's got a prize!", I handed the letter to my brother.

"Really? Let me see...".  He was excited! "Oh! Where is he?".  Upon seeing my dad, my brother laughed and with a fatherly tone, said, "How many times have I told you not to speed! Speed kills!"

My Pixelated Relatives!

Before I start whining, I think not a lot of you (if not all of you) know that Honey Lips is back in London.  I'm still back home, enjoying the delicious cooking of my mother, whose aim is to make me lose weight and not the reverse.  Maybe that's why she's starving me, like I'm having tea and/or coffee, and baguette for lunch! Terrible! Well not that much.  I enjoy eating bread and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know how to spread butter, right? There you go...

Anyway, between looking for jobs - I might as well make some money while I'm here -, and being home alone, I'm savoring every second of this temporary respite.  And not to sound too catty, I hate being disturbed.  Especially on days I'm feeling good (remember I said I was craving for some single days?) and feel like talking en-tete-a-tete with myself.  Like this morning, I woke up, very chirpy.

I'm by my desk-table, just finished pulling on a cigarette (hard to kick off that smoking habit, yo!), when I heard the side gate protesting noisily.

Oh Lord! Who is it now? Not my cousin? I can't take her righteous self right now! 

Don't get me wrong. I like her.  She's okay.  But, man, give me a break! Yesterday, we spend a couple of hours together.  I got nothing more to tell her.  Well, not at the moment anyway.

So I waited for her knock.  I went downstairs to open the door and let her in.  Forcing a happy-to-see-you grin, I invited her to come upstairs.  After a half an hour of useless banter, I helped her out with her resume and all.  Minutes later, she said she had to go (Oh yes!) but she was not budging! She then recommended me a movie (comedy) and I okayed.  She's still not budging FFS! I had to look up the movie on YouTube (stingy arses that we are!) and she watched the first 10 minutes of the movie with me!

"This movie is so funny, and the guy is so sexy.  I love him.  The end is so hilarious.  I was laughing so hard my belly ached!", she interrupted my murderous thoughts.

"Look, what's he going to do! He's so cute!", she continued.

"Oh no, don't tell me...I want to watch it!", I faked a protest.  But no, really, if you'd already watched the movie, spare me the on-the-side comments and let me enjoy the movie.  Please!

"Oh I wasn't going to tell you what'd happen next.  I'm not like that", she bit back.  Grrr...


A couple of deep chuckles here and there, her phone rang.  It was her mother.

"Okay, I gotta go." Well, I'd hope so!

Eventually, she did leave! Like, five minutes after.

Well, hey, Internet is my sister, my brother, my cousin, my uncle, my aunty....and now my husband too! Don't blame me....seesh...

Cats And Cats

Two days ago in my mother's kitchen:

"Ugh! This cat is so annoying! It keeps jumping up in front of me!", my mum, exasperated, with a pan in her hand, muttered.

Her kitchen is rather small and we have cats coming every day.  They want food and a warm place to sleep in.  Where do they come from? We ain't got a clue.  Sometimes, I'd come home to find one of the cats lazying on my bed.  

The cat looked at me with pleading eyes.

"Dinner's not ready yet, little fellow.  You have to wait", I said.

"They always come and stand in front of you while you're hustling in the kitchen!", my mum continued, very annoyed.

"So why don't you stand behind the cats?", piped in my father, who was at the kitchen table, reading the newspapers.  With a dead-pan expression!

Trust my dad to make fun of everything!

Being home is lovely!