Friday, March 26, 2010

When Love And Love Collide...

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You get a battle of egos.  And you hear a lot of toot! toot! toot!

The love I'm talking about is not love for someone else, it's about self-love.

Shameless self-love.  The my-fart-smells-better-than-yours-and-you're-just-jealous kinda love.
 [via]
Know someone like that?  I know plenty.  And my fart smells better than yours! And...and...you're just jealous!

I'm surrounded by black men.  Yes I know.  Heaven! Another reason for you to be envious. Toot! Toot!

AnyIamjustyankingyourlegway, the pleasure of feasting your eyes on big, beautiful black men comes with a high price-tag: the ear boner.  Not in a pleasant way.  Totally not.  Oh no!

"We're stopping here.  Okay Hun?", Honey Lips would say.

"Are you asking me or telling me?", that would be my reply usually.

Oh no! Look who's here.  Penis 1, Penis 2, Penis 3, Penis 4, Penis 5, and Penis 6.  I'm the only one with front slits! Someone please give me a pair of ear muffs!

Rather reluctantly, I would accept a drink from either one of them and pull out my phone.  Of course, I would barf out the expected banter when and where necessary.  I'm good at that! 

And then, it's all:

"What do you know about cars? I had the first convertible in the country.  It was red.  Everybody would stop and stare when I drive into town."


"My car surround system is the shiiittt!"


"I play the best music in my car.  Nobody can touch me on that."

"Who was the first man to start DJ-ing? Me!"

"DJ Shriveling-Dick can't play shit.  His music collection is limited."

"Her? Yes I know her.  Very well.  But how do you know her?" (Duh)


"I had the prettiest girl.  Remember?"


"My house parties were the best."


"I lost my virginity to the maid at the tender age of 10!"


"I opened a club when I was 20."


"She's now with Mr. Stinking-Ass-Rich-With-A-Short-Dick...but she had a son with Mr. Who-Doesn't-Bother-With-Condoms-And-Have-Millions-Of-Other-Kids-With-Other-Women."


"Mr. Who-Everybody-Thinks-Has-HIV bred Miss Who-Once-Was-A-Pretty-Young-Thing-And-Now-She's-Just-A-Pair-Of-Loose-Lips."


"He moved to the States and he owes Mr. Croesus thousands of money.  He can't come back here.  He'll get killed."


"Yes man.  He got lashed by a woman.  Remember how he was boasting about beating the crap out of Mr Weak-Muscles? All lies..."


"I got the biggest house in the neighborhood!"


The list is endless and I can write a book about it...but I won't...Just listening to those Penises is enough.  Plus, I'm pretty sure when there are only Penises around, they talk more about Pussies than their precious car or house.




[insert an eye roll here please]

Author's note:  This is not to say that only and all black men brag.  I'm sure you have men from other races who do it too.  But my entourage is a combination of black people and well...black people! Heck, I sleep with one every night.  So no I'm not bashing the Black community.  I love them.  Else I wouldn't be where I'm at.  But let's face it, you know how a brother likes to toot his own horn! Honey Lips does it.  Sometimes it's cute and other times it's not.  Deal with it.  I am. 

24 comments:

MKL said...

Hahaha... bragging is more or less a male thing, not just particular to one race. But I'd say the black male is often portrayed as such. No idea, if they are really like what you say, I've never been in their company, as I am from a country, which doesn't have a black community. But judging from rap videos, bragging seems to be important. Maybe that's because the troubled neighborhoods they grow up, the injustice in the system, the hardship of growing up in unstable circumstances? So when you accomplish something, be it career wise, relationship wise or even material things wise, bragging becomes a kind of relief and a boost of confidence. Or is it a lack of? No idea, it's up to debate. But you did touch a good issue here. I just hope there won't be any creeps labeling you as... you know what. I've had the same unpleasant experience with my affinity for Asian culture. Ah, whatevs. Screw them, losers ;)

Johana Hill said...

I'm not scared of haters. I never imply that I hate black people. My husband is black. If I had a problem with Blacks I wouldn't have married him in the first place! ;p

And even my husband knows how his fellow brothers brag. He boasts of his achievements too. It's a fact. That's what I learned and witnessed when I moved to Smaller Island. Even in London, mostly all my friends were black and it was no different.

Maybe it's a man thing as you said! ;p

Last but not least, whoever want to get vexed because of what I wrote then be my guest. I don't write for haters...;p

Johana Hill said...

I'm not scared of haters. I never imply that I hate black people. My husband is black. If I had a problem with Blacks I wouldn't have married him in the first place! ;p

And even my husband knows how his fellow brothers brag. He boasts of his achievements too. It's a fact. That's what I learned and witnessed when I moved to Smaller Island. Even in London, mostly all my friends were black and it was no different.

Maybe it's a man thing as you said! ;p

Last but not least, whoever want to get vexed because of what I wrote then be my guest. I don't write for haters...;p

MKL said...

That's the spirit, Johana! :D I think white men brag, too, but they do it subtly. Maybe blacks are more open to say, but that doesn't make it any worse. Men need material things and achievements to boost their egos, that's a fact. And speaking as an expert on these matters ;) And don't worry, your blog is new, the haters will find you in few months, Mercurial Wife grows rapidly and I think you'll have easily 50 comments under one post soon. And then the Anonymous smart asses will find you, hehe :P
Keep your head high, you're an awesome blogger. And what I love about this blog is that you write the things down the way you feel them. I wish I could do that. I even feel bad, if I write fuck, let alone penis, haha. Ok, well the latter would be weird, lol. :P I'll stick to my travelogues and you can write about issues I don't dare to. Deal? ;)

Johana Hill said...

I didn't comment on white men or any other races because I don't have much experience dealing with them. To say I'm not black but mostly all my friends are will be hard for some to stomach. LOL

And thank you for the nice and kind words. I love yours too! You know it. And I think it's so generous of you to share your traveling experience. Plus you're promoting the country too!

Whereas the Anonymous commentators can bring it on. I got a gun! Ha! Nah...I'm lying. Sticks and stones can hurt my bones but words won't. ;p

hotpants™ said...

'To say I'm not black but mostly all my friends are will be hard for some to stomach.'

If you have readers who can't stomach that, they need to find a new blog to read. Or hell, a new planet.

Johana Hill said...

Exactly hotpants! ;p

Brittney said...

CAN we actually discuss the "labels" that you've tagged in this post? "Acting, He is God, I Only Look At Hot Boys, Men's Ego" HAHAHAHA "I only look at hot boys" in my favorite.

I love you so much.

Johana Hill said...

Hahaha Brittney...if you click on that label, you'll see another post I wrote a few weeks back! I do look at hot boys...;p

Nuke Girl said...

I agree with MKL, bragging is a man thing, not at all a race thing. I have met many a bragging white man and many a modest black man.

I have a very good friend whose is white, and his wife is black, and when people accuse him of being a stereotyper or a racist... it's quite funny to witness.

I love you all the same, I don't care if you married a little green man and all your friends are aliens! :)

The MANChild Swagga said...

I love your writing style... I am so glad that I found you. Keep it coming.

And while I do agree with MKL statement here (I think white men brag, too, but they do it subtly. Maybe blacks are more open to say, but that doesn't make it any worse...), I tune out when the bragging gets too extreme, which happens quite often once the bottles start popping.

Great read... funny and true

ChinkyGirLMeL said...

Bragging is definitely a guy thing. There was a time when I had more guy friends than I did girl friends and yes guys brag a looooot. lols. Must be a guy thing.

Carina the Blogarina said...

Excessive bragging bothers me. But I agree with the previous people, it's a man thing not a black man thing. At least I thought so, but in all honesty I don't have that much experience with black men. . (Hm, I thought I had commented on this post before, but guess I was wrong :)).

Magpie said...

Men! Honestly!

Can't comment on the white/black thing since I don't actually know ANY black guys (just realised it now and feel oddly guilty about it) but I think guys are just like this in general..

Another thing that's annoying is the way guys say that women are so bitchy, and yet when guys get together..... All they do is bitch! I swear they're worse than girls!!

The MANChild Swagga said...

Hey Magpie, I'll be your first Black friend - we're cool. Nah, actually, I'm cool like that.

And yes, dudes bitch... we call that mess 'BitchAssness'

S.I.F. said...

Oh my gosh, I am cracking up right now! I am here to tell you though, I am a guys girl for sure, and all my guy friends do the same thing. It is for sure a gender thing!

Dyinetch said...

Oh, some girls brag too. ;D I have this "kinda friend" who thinks she's prettier and smarter than she really is! Really annoying. She overthinks a lot and she says it's because she's smart. And she has this SLR camera and keeps calling herself a photographer but she's not! Also, when she toots her own horn, she brings other people down in the process. What. The. Fuck! Haha! My very first post is actually about her!

LambAround said...

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but all guys brag!
Girls too :)

OfficeGirl said...

Good afternoon my little tulip! I giveth you an award! Go check it out!

Elizabeth Marie said...

OMG you are hilarious!!! I can't comment on the race factor, but the penis factor...hell yes! AGREED!

Andhari said...

Nino, you shouldn't judge from rap videos. Not all rappers like that. Rappers who succumb to trends and happen to worship their own selves are like that.

As for you, girlie...

I SO AGREE. Bragging, if done excessively, will certainly damage any relationship.

B. said...

I was literally laughing at loud!!! Front slits... bahaha!! Free drinks and fake texting? I know that too well. Too funny girl!

doyoulikemyponytail said...

Hahahhaha when I first saw the title of this post I totally thought the "self-love" to which you were referring was the kind you do alone on a Tuesday with a bottle of wine and a rabbit... but nay, it was penis self love. And I completely agree. I feel that men of all races do this, they just express their brags in different ways. Sameeeee shit though!

Johana Hill said...

doyoulikemyponytail You got the 'alone on a Tuesday with a bottle of wine and a rabbit' right! Well except that I don't drink wine but it works...!;p

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