Sunday, February 28, 2010
Friday, February 26, 2010
My baby-making eggs are sluts.
Just like street hookers.
Always teasing, flirting, showing off to the soldiers but they won't take any home! Their freedom seemingly matters most. The word on the street is if you do take one of the Johns back to the rooster, a few weeks later the whole district gets invaded. By a human-like creature who, for nine whole months, sometimes less or more if they're out of luck, captures and imprisons them. The Slutty Eggs don't like God because, on several occasions, they've heard her (God is a woman. She speaks like one.) planning the attack. On some days, they can even hear Zeus bringing in the soldiers. Zeus is good. Because Zeus always tells his troopers to 'go through the front and exit through the drain. It's much safer this way. And soldiers! Stay away from the Lady Eggs!'
Now the Lady Eggs are the nemesis of the Slutty Eggs. The Lady Eggs are on a God's mission - seduce the Johns and take them home to mama. They always lurk in corners and spy on the Slutty Eggs. The Lady Eggs almost succeeded twice in their strategy to trick the tricksters before the Slutty Eggs.
However, the Lady Eggs are weak in numbers and couldn't keep the captured 'prisoner' for long on both times. They are planning a revenge though and the Slutties found out. They also found out that God is contemplating of wiping out the whole district and starts afresh with another generation - The Good Eggs.
And that angered the Lady Eggs. They feel like God betrayed them. So they are on a strike - Stop the attacks altogether!
God is worried. :(
Thursday, February 25, 2010
If I were a day of the week, I’d be Friday
If I were a time of day, I’d be sunrise
If I were a planet, I’d be Earth
If I were a sea animal, I’d be dolphin
If I were a direction, I’d be North
If I were a piece of furniture, I’d be a queen-size bed
If I were a liquid, I’d be coconut water or Hennessy
If I were a gemstone, I’d be Topaz
If I were a tree, I’d be a peach tree
If I were a tool, I’d be a screwdriver
If I were a flower, I’d be a dark red rose
If I were a kind of weather, I’d be sunshine with a light breeze
If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a piano
If I were a color, I’d be black
If I were an emotion, I’d be love
If I were a fruit, I’d be a peach
If I were a sound, I’d be baby's laughs
If I were an element, I’d be air
If I were a car, I’d be either a Lexus or BMW (Do not ask me the model 'cause I'm friggin' clueless)
If I were a food, I’d be Sweet and Sour King Prawns
If I were a place, I’d be France
If I were a material, I’d be silk
If I were a taste, I’d be spicy
If I were a scent, I’d be Calvin Klein for men
If I were an object, I’d be a pen
If I were a body part, I’d be the eyes
If I were a facial expression, I’d be a pout
If I were a song, I’d be Chasing Pavements by Adele
If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be a pair of red Louboutins platform shoes
If you feel like having one of your own 'If I were', please link back to the lovely Juliana from A Blonde Walks In A Blog. I stole it from her! ;p
I woke up early this morning because of a crazy, half-senile lady. Then I had to go and check on someone else. Nothing sexual. Just business. I don't cheat on Honey Lips. Not physically at least. (What?!) Anyimmovingonway, I was looking through the window out on the porch when I saw this cool dude in his college uniform (undergrad student) walking with this hey-look-at-me-i'm-so-hot-swagger and oh! boy he was hot.
Of course I'm staring and he wasn't aware of my ogling session. He was listening to his iPod and looking straight ahead. He couldn't see me from where he was. At this time in the morning, there's not much traffic or people walking about besides some rowdy school kids proudly demonstrating how well their parents lack in parenting skills. I know...you're not like that.
Despite the age-gap between Hot Boy and me being less and no greater than 10 years, I felt like a sex-starved cougar who's ready to pounce at any given minute when the most unexpected thing happened.
He started digging his nose, looked at the yucky boogerice and flicked it! In public. I know how important it is to have your nose uncluttered of booger but doing it in a public place? No fuck-me way! That's a huge turn-off in my can-only-look-at-them book. Any book for that matter. If he were a 5 year-old I would understand but an almost grown-up youth who's eaten a vaggie before (it was written all over his face!)?
My daytime fantasy came to abrupt end right there and then.
And I flicked the curtain close and left. The End.
What are your turn-offs?
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
I don't understand why they don't have other channels to play the re-runs like in the UK? Last Sunday Hannah Montana was on early in the morning and then again in the evening. If it's not Hannah Montana then it's some other movie which has been played a gazillion times before. Millions of films are produced yearly and still they limit the viewer's choice. Very irritating.
So now you all giant movie channels, inject some excitement in the TV schedule, will you? Especially during the week-ends? You can have the re-runs in the week-days late at night or something. Do something for the real desperate housewives. 'Cause desperate I am. I don't want to get sucked in on by the internet. Unless I get paid to get sucked. (Take your mind out of the gutter will you? Seesh...) By the way are there people out there who get paid to surf the net? That'd be awesome.
It's time for me to go raid the kitchen for some lunch. Before Honey Lips gets back to hand me my dessert! Yayyyy...
Oh! Stop it...It's only ice cream...Snickers bitch...ha!
Monday, February 22, 2010
What the hell? Is this the first of many to hit my inbox? Don't people read before they comment? If you don't understand English then it's better to stick to your native language no? Is that a woman or a man? Because seriously, I'm confused!
And honestly, I'm quasi-pedantic. Not only your grammar sucks but you do too!
Sunday, February 21, 2010
"I want to become an actress".
Actually I was watching a movie where this middle-aged divorceé goes back to college because she wants to become a teacher and rebuilds her life in sorts. And I'm like how hard could it be? Acting I mean. Plus the perks!
"What? You want to become an actress?", he repeated just as he's toweling himself dry.
Me: "Yes I do want to act."
Him: "You can't act..."
Me: "Well I'll lose weight and then become an actress."
Him: "It's not a question of size. You laugh too much. You can't act."
I crack up and then he says, "Whereas I now can become an actor!"
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Me: "Are you taking me out tonight?"
Him: "Of course!"
Me: "Around what time because I need to do my hair?"
Him: "I'll let you know. You'll have ample time to do your hair."
Clock strikes 8 p.m.
Called him up to find out what's going on...
Me: "So what's going on?"
Him: "Nothing much. Helping out X. You can start doing your hair in the next half an hour. I'll call you back."
An hour later , my hair is done. Waiting on his call. 1 hour, 1.5 hours...no phone calls.
I buzz him.
Me: "What's really going on?"
Him: "X left so I'm all alone and need to be here. Wait for Y to come then I'll come pick you up. Don't worry. Gimme another 10 minutes."
Half an hour later, I'm writing this post and still no update from him.
I'm pissed. Rightly so. Wouldn't you be?
Often, I've been told that I have a mercurial temperament.
For years, it startled me. Because I'm not moody. At least I didn't think so.
And then I got married.
Then came the painful admission that I indeed have a temperament. He brings out the worst as well as the best in me.
The sole intent of this blog is to rant about married life and life in general.
But that doesn't mean that I do not love him. I do. Very much.
Love is weird and yet beautiful.
Stay tuned for more...