Friday, April 30, 2010

A Blog Meme, Plus One Surprise

Happy Friday my wonderful people.

Is it me or is time really flying?

Anyway, I've been tagged!  By the lovely ChinkyMel!  I know! Awesome, right?  I'm so excited.  *doing the wiggle dance*

*gasp*  Pheww!


Before I start the meme (oh yes!), I would like to thank ChinkyMel for tagging me.  For those who don't read her blog, you're missing out.  Big time.  And those who follow her know how funny, smart and down-to-earth she is.  Her corner is always full of delight.  However, she's been sick for a while now, she got Tonsillitis.  Pray she recovers quickly because I miss her amazing blog posts.  Show her some love, will ya peeps?

Now, on to the meme...(read on...I have another exciting announcement!)

1.   A vampire or a wizard? (and why???)
I'd choose to be a wizard.  Just like ChinkyMel I can't see myself sucking blood! Ewww...Now dabbling with magic potions sounds fun! ;p

2.  If you could change one thing about you, what would it be - if anything?
I'd like to change my height! Currently, I weigh around 140 pounds. If I were taller, I'd be happy.

3.  Would you rather live like a rock star or like a president? (in other words: fun or power?)
Being the president of a country is too much of a job for lazy me.  The innumerable responsibilities that comes with the job is a headache which I can live without.  Living the life of a rock star is better.  No rules.  I can do what I want.  And the best thing is to have people going crazy over me! Hehehehe...

4.  What's your favorite cartoon character?
I got two! Homer Simpson and Stewie Griffin.  Need I say more? ;p

5.  What's your (most) guilty pleasure?
It's not chocolate.  It's not ice-cream.  Read my previous post!

6.  If you were a song, what would it be?
It'd be either Self Control by Laura Branigan or Trippin' by Toni Braxton. 

7.  What's your biggest dream?
To be successful in all my endeavors.

8.  Do you prefer to be the one who asks questions or the one who answers them, and why?
The one who asks questions definitely.  I don't have a particular reason why but by letting someone else asking you questions gives that person control over you no?  I don't like being controlled.

9.  What is your biggest turn off and turn on?
(In a sexual context) Turn off -  Farts!  Turn on - The eyes.

(In a general context) Turn off - Nose picking in public, stupidity, nasty B.O and a ghetto attitude when you're not from the ghetto.  Turn on - Cleanliness, intelligence and a sense of humor.

10.  Have you broken any law?
If stealing books from the school library counts, then yes. Ha!

Now I'm tagging:

Amber from Nostomanic
Jewels from A Bitchfest! A Lovefest!
Christina from Christina In Wonderland
Carina from Carina The Blogarina
Lady Mel from Lights. Camera. Action.
Krissy from I Am Krissy

Anyone is welcome to do the meme! ;p

And now my exciting news! You know Lizzy Marie from It's Unbeweavable?  Of course you do!  Well yesterday I asked her for an interview and she agreed!!!! Ain't that awesome?  So watch the space...because soon you can read her interview on my blog!

Enjoy your weekend my wonderful people!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Underwear: His And Hers

Early morning Honey Lips and I stepped out to pay some bills as it is month-end and all.  We reached the post office and was waiting for the counter-lady to bring the necessary paperwork when Honey Lips said,

"When you wear yellow
You turn on this fellow
My insides go jello
And makes me feel mellow"

So clichéd but he deserved the sloppy kisses I rained on his cheeks and ears right there in the post office.

But before we reached the post office, we were in the car, stopped at a zebra crossing, when this lady wearing a tight skirt walking by on the sidewalk a few metres ahead of us.

"Look at her panties.  She's wearing granny panties.  You see why you must wear thong?", Honey Lips tells me in his mr-know-it-all-voice.

"I'm a panty pervert.  I like looking at women's panties. It's interesting to know what kind of panties they wear.  Granny thongs!", he keeps on blaberring while I chuckle.

You ask why I didn't smash him on his head?

Well, first off, it's not the first time, my husband made his eldritch (he claims to be a mutant) fondness for panties be known to me.  Secondly, I can't really slap him because uh, most of the times, I uh...wear his underwear.

Hold on!  Let me explain!

Well Honey Lips hates speedos.  One day, he was doing his own clothes-shopping when he mistakenly put two packs of speedos in the check-out basket.  He hustles when he shops.  When he reached home I saw the speedos and I was a bit surprised.  He was surprised too.  And you know he never wore 'em.  He told me to 'pack it up'.  What he means is 'put it in your underwear drawer'.  I did.  In the meantime I'm stocking up on thongs because I know how he loves them.  Then came my period.

Uh huh...I'm out of granny panties and I'm a pad girl (I'm not ashamed of that!) so of course I saw the speedos.  Plus, they are in dark colors.  Better for me.  They are so comfy! When I would be home alone, I would have nothing else on but my speedo.  Sometimes, I wear 'em even after my period is done!

So yeah, I can't admonish him for his guilty pleasure because of my own nasty secret.  Which is not a secret anymore.

Now you can laugh at me!

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Names Explained

Busy, busy, busy!

Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork!

Hot, hot, hot!

Now merge those 3 together you get hell, hell, hell.

That's where I've been for the past 2 weeks.  Hell!

Anyway someone asked me why did I name Stupid Girl Stupid Girl and High Cock High Cock.  I know many of you are curious and wonder why do I refer to the people I blog about with crazy names.  Well ain't it your lucky day today!  I'm going to tell you why.

Honey Lips - My husband who drives me crazy with his soft and sweet lips.  I can spend everyday in bed with his lips kissing every inch of my skin.

Classy Woman - a good friend who loathes bad-mannered people.  She would swallow a fart even if her life depends on her not swallowing it.

High Cock - a rich guy who drives more than one car, has more than one house, has more than one mistress put up in rented accommodation, and has a heart of gold.  And his wife is one of the prettiest, smart women on the island.  Life sucks, eh?

Lover Boo - my lesbian friend whom you wish were a man. Whom you wish were your man.  When she loves, she gives her all.  That's one chick who'll really travel to the end of the world for you.  She's a classic example of love-makes-you-go-blind theory. 

Virgin Boo - the love of Lover Boo.  She is a virgin in every sense.  Nuff said.

Stupid Girl - one of the mistresses of High Cock, she has had sexual intercourse from an early age and believes she's too much of a mature woman to mingle with the high-schoolers and hence dropped out.  She parties every night and sleeps during the day.  Sugar daddies come and go, true, but when shit goes sour, then what? No GCSE, no diplomas, no degrees.  No education.  Even hookers know the importance of education.

Treadmill Mouth, Main Squeeze, The Pimp, Manly Man and Slutty Girl - the names say it all!

I'm all ears now! ;p

Monday, April 26, 2010

The Cheater Gets Cheated

I jumped up from my bed as soon as I heard Honey Lips lightly knocked on the door.  I usually lock all the doors after 9 p.m.  He is back.  He went to buy us dinner (KFC's Zingers and French Fries).  As soon as I opened the door, he breathlessly said, "Here you go, hun.  I can't believe she brought another man here."

"Who? What?", I was confused.

"Stupid Girl.  I just met the man downstairs.  I can't believe it", he answered, shaking his head.

Now you must be wondering who is Stupid Girl.  Yes it's time for another dramatic story.

Okay.  So Stupid Girl is about 19 years old but look older than me (I'm in my late 20s, for visualization's sake) and goes to high school.  Her boyfriend is married and she doesn't mind Mr High Cock's marital status.  Mr High Cock is renting the apartment on the floor below ours for $1800 per month.  He pays for everything.  Basically, Stupid Girl is a kept woman.

"That bitch!  Mr. O told me about Stupid Girl seeing someone else but I couldn't believe it.  Now I know for sure.  I want to tell Mr. High Cock but --", he hissed.  (Mr. O is a mutual friend of Honey Lips and Mr. High Cock.)

"Oh no! It's not your business.  Do not get involved", I cut him off.

"Anyway Mr High Cock deserves it", I added.

"What?", Honey Lips shouted.  "Are you crazy? The man put her in a rented apartment and is paying everything for her and now she's cheating on him."

"Huh? Stupid Girl is cheating on Mr. High Cock.  So what?  Mr. High Cock is cheating on his wife too.  You disrespect one woman, you get disrespected by another.  Period", I angrily exclaimed.

You realize that it's the start of a fight between Honey Lips and I?

"So you're saying it's alright for Stupid Girl to cheat on Mr. High Cock?", HL asked me.

"Well yes.  He deserves it", I self-righteously bit back.

"You don't do that.  When the man is paying your bills, you don't go behind his back with another man", he defensively argued.  "You don't know about these things because you're inexperienced in this matter."

"What has my inexperience got to do with this?", I fumed. "He's getting what he deserves.  Karma is a bitch."

"How can you say that? You didn't hear what I say? The man gave her a house, paying her bills and you think it's right for her to fuck someone else?", HL agitatedly asked.  "It's like you're telling me two wrongs make a right."

"I never said she was right! But what do you expect from a woman who willingly entered into a relationship with a married man? I'm not surprised to hear she's cheating on her married lover.  That's all", I lashed out.

And for the next 10 minutes, we fought (or debated as Honey Lips later corrected) back and forth over moral values, different cultures, deceptive women, chauvinist/sexist men, age gap etc.  You get the gist right?

"Anyway, I don't care what you tell me.  You have to get back to the 21st century.  I may be inexperienced but I'm a woman.  What's wrong if Stupid Girl is getting attention from someone else while Mr. High Cock is busy with the wifey? It's not like Mr. High Cock is doing good by the wifey", and I then let out a deep breath, and started getting ready for bed.

"You wouldn't understand.  It's useless talking about it", Honey Lips gibed. 

I disdainfully hmph-ed and went to my side of the bed.

"Come here", he opened his arms wide.  "I love you.  You're a decent woman", he cajoled.

"Huh, I'll prove your theory wrong.  Ask any woman from my generation and they'll tell you the same thing", I pushed forward.

"Okay", he sighed.

"Goodnight", and I turned my attention towards the TV and fell asleep.  With a vague thought, "I love him despite his sexist ass."

What's your take?

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Random Rants

I had a boring Friday night.  Plus, Honey Lips and I fought like mad people.  I'm still vexed with him and haven't picked up any of his phone calls since this morning. 

Let him simmer, my evil soul whispers.

Anyway, I was just curious.  When do you all write a blog post?  When do you all read other blogs?  Usually I don't publish any posts on week-ends but since I've been pretty much scarce on the blogging scene for a while, I thought, I'll scribble something today. 

I don't have any particular schedule when it comes to blogging.  That's what happens when you don't have kids or a job.  You jealous right? You should be.  LOL

But seriously, I do want to have kids.  I do want to run around my chubby tots (they will be fatties) so that I can spank them (mostly).  I do want my clothes to smell of that pukey stuff babies fondly spit out.  I'm just not sure how tolerant I'll be of having them out in the first place.  That ish is scary.  But first, I need to get pregnant (which is proving to be impossible!). 

Anyforthesecondtimeway, have a great week-end my beautiful people.

Friday, April 23, 2010

I Want Me Time

Things are a bit tense in my household right now and I feel like jetting off to a nice island, away from all the worries and stress.  Ugh...

P.S: My Facebook Fan Page widget is not working.  I don't know what's wrong with it. :(

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The Sun Is Shining Brighter Today

Before I share with you the stupid-est joke I've ever heard, let me thank each and everyone for commenting on my previous post.  On numerous occasions, I've told Lover Boo to move on before it gets messier.  She says she's bound by the power of love and she will close that chapter only when Virgin Boo finds someone else!  That's absurd I know.  As many of you agreed, Virgin Boo is being selfish.  All I can do at this point is to keep reiterating the same arguments over and over again.  But at the end of the day it's her choice, however foolish it is.  That's the sad part.

Anyway, if you're following me on Twitter then you know that I've been hanging out with Honey Lips for almost 2 days now and hence couldn't read any blogs or mails. We came home for lunch today, despite having had 2 Chicken sandwiches and 1 Beef Sandwich on the road.  After we finished our food, we were chillaxing on the porch when I exclaimed, "Boy it's too hot! I need another shower."

"Again?", Honey Lips asked.

"Yes.  Again.  I feel like diving in a barrel full of cold water and stay the--", I was complaining when he cut me off and nonchalantly said, "The rain washed the dust off the sun earlier and that's why the sun is shining brighter now."

"What?!", I started to laugh.

He pointed to the trees and said, "Looky there, the sun is B.R.I.G.H.T.E.R!"

Uh isn't that the stupid-est joke you ever heard?

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

A Love Story Not So Gay

She discovered, quite accidentally, with a little help from me, that she prefers women to men.  Meet Lover Boo, who's in her late 20s, independent, has a full-time job and everything else a woman her age wants and needs.

She broke up with her fiance because bi-curiosity was not just a thought but a possibility and at arm's reach.  Meet Virgin Boo, in her mid 20s, caught up between divorced parents, has a full-time job and was almost going to marry a guy who goes out of his way to show his love for her.

Then they met.  Lover Boo, with her constant need to be loved, and Virgin Boo, untouched so far.  They fell in love.  They broke up with their respective boyfriends and started seeing each other.  One blissful year and some of hot, steamy sex, heart-to-heart conversations, perfect dates, joyous celebrations and almost drama-free quality time, things can only get better, right?  Not in their case.  To be more precise, not in Virgin Boo's case.

Virgin Boo is now having second thoughts.  She no longer thinks that she's cut out for a cock-free life.  Not that she wants any cock either.  Her stress over family issues gave way to her insecurities.  Blowing hot and cold seems her only way to hide her anxieties.  Lover Boo is blaming herself because she thinks she's not loving Virgin Boo enough.  So starts her quest to prove to Virgin Boo how much she loves her.  But it's not working.

Virgin Boo claims that she needs time and space.  Lover Boo agrees.  She backs off.  Weeks gone by, Lover Boo tries to talk to Virgin Boo.  VB clams up and won't say a word.  Now they just exchange gloomy looks across their office desks (they work for the same company).  Lover Boo is desperate and on the verge of becoming suicidal.  Virgin Boo won't talk.

From lovers to strangers in the space of a few months...

Now I ask you my beautiful readers, what should Lover Boo do?  Cut her losses and move on?  Or keep waiting...?

P.S: I'm not Lover Boo.  She's a close friend of mine and my heart breaks for her.  I've listened to her rants and offered a few encouraging words here and there.  But I believe I'm not doing enough.  Help please!

A Tiny Update

Hey my beauties!

I just finished with the layout.  I got some minor tweaks to take care of and then, that's it!

Yesterday I spent the whole day with Honey Lips and consequently I didn't check any of your blogs.  I'll get to that soon! ;p

Anyway check out the pictures below.  They belong to a friend of Honey Lips.


Aren't they cute?! ;p

Monday, April 19, 2010

Happy Monday Everyone

It's been raining since I woke up this morning and it looks like the clouds ain't going nowhere today.  As much as I hate the humidity the rain brings, I welcome the grey clouds.  I'm hoping I can retire to my bed for the whole day and watch TV! ;p

Yesterday I decided to get a new layout for this blog.  I'm still working on it.  I finally caved in and going pink all the way baby! Well my template is not 100% pink but you know IT IS PINK! Ha!

And I'll post something maybe tomorrow.

Happy Monday everyone!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Why Hello There! Welcome To Drama City...

Once upon a time a man named Horny Pants came to us for help.  He was looking for a house to rent.  He came over with Miss Flat Face, who is also his mistress.  Horny Pants is way over his 40s while Flat Face is under 25.  Flat Face needed a place to stay, closer to Horny Pants, where she can stretch her Southern Lips more often than if she were living in the 'burbs.

Honey Lips sent him to one of his friends, Treadmill Mouth, who owns various apartments.  Treadmill Mouth agreed to rent one of his quarters to Horny Pants and Flat Face.  As usual, everything is going good in Mushy Fucky Land.

Last year, Honey Lips and I went on a road trip.  We stopped at this empty lot, facing the ocean, to have a breather.  Lots of people were about, food was being served, drinks were being drank, smokers were polluting the fresh air of the mountain (including me), and women eyeing each other up.

Then this woman came to me and said, "Hi!"

"Uh hi..." said Honey Lips and I in unison.  Who the hell are you?

"You guys going to _____________?", she asked, with a constant grin glued to her face.

"Yes we are", and thus followed a small conversation until she left.

"Who the hell was that?", asked Honey Lips.

"I don't know but her face looks familiar".  You know how women have other women's faces etched in their memory right?  I had hers too but I just couldn't remember where I saw her.

By night-time....

"Oh I know.  It's Horny Pants' smallie!", it hit me like a blow.

"Oh yes! Well I'm surprised she still remembers us and came over to say hi", Honey Lips replied.

Fast-forward to a few weeks later...

Honey Lips on the phone with Horny Pants:  "Yes we met her at ________."

"Well she's asking you why you haven't added her on Facebook yet!", Horny Pants asked.

"Oh what's her name on there? I'll add her", Honey Lips sent her a request on Facebook and she later added him on MSN too.  I'm cool with that.  But I won't add her on Facebook because I don't really know her you know so yea I didn't send any friend request...

Somewhere around end of March... 

Flat Face shot an IM to Honey Lips on MSN where she painstakingly gave an account of how Horny Pants' wife found out about them and how the wife passed by her house and threw a rock at her window! Fortunately she was not home but Treadmill Mouth was. 

Of course I was there reading the messages along with HL...

Couple days later...

"Hey you heard about Horny Pants and his wife?  His wife is so mad.  I hear she kicked him out and went by Flat Face's...", one of HL's friends informed him.

"Oh really? How did the wife find out?", HL played along.

"Well your good friend Treadmill Mouth let the cat out of the bag".

To cut an already long story short, Flat Face is now blaming Honey Lips for telling the whole wide world about her business when it's Treadmill Mouth who's living up to his name.  Honey Lips cursed Flat Face's ass.  (Well I still think he was too soft on her - we saved the MSN chat logs just in case.  I would have ripped her apart.  Which HL promised me will happen soon.)

Bitch needs to stuff her grievance up her crap hole and suck on it...

I'm ready to throw some punches, albeit verbal...

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Are You Joking Me?

Was my previous post that raunchy?  I don't think so.  I mean I wrote it during the day while eating KFC! 

Anyway, Honey Lips and I were spending Tuesday afternoon together when he decided to go wash his car.  AGAIN. 

"You're gonna wash your car again?", I asked.

"Hmmm...the rims are dirty.  I need to wash them because I don't want them stained", he answered.

"You know I've never seen gold rims they even exist?", I queried.

"Yes.  Back in the days, I had them on my blue Merc", he bragged.

"Blue Merc? Yucky!  It must have been ugly!", I observed.

"Oh no! My car was the shizzle.  Girls used to go wild when they saw me in the blue Merc with the gold rims.  They went crazy when they saw me", Honey Lips exaggerated.

"Yeah right! I wonder why...", I scorned.

"Why were girls going crazy and shouting me? Well because they discovered I was Victoria's secret! You didn't know that, did you?  I'm Victoria's secret!!  I'm the shizzle baby..."

I really hate him when he gloats and/or exaggerates. 

One day in London...

HL and I were in his car, driving home.  It started to drizzle.  We were having a light conversation when we passed by this pretty woman, pushing a pram on the sidewalk.

"Hey! Where are you going with my baby in the rain?  Take him home! I'm coming...", he shouted at the startled woman.

And the woman began to laugh! You know those throaty laughs women throw at men?  Yes, those ones!  What the fuck?

"Give her a lift, why don't you?", and I started to pout while Honey Lips guffawed. 

Husband swap anyone?  Please bear in mind that his latest word-craze is "Are you joking me?!"  You've been warned.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

And That's How The Cookie Crumbles!

"You can come in my room and chill", Honey Lips sweetly said.

"OK", I shrugged.

We were alone in his bedroom, my best friend was sent to the cyber cafe to fax something to someone.  She'd be gone for a while and Honey Lips was horny.

This is the first time he decided to make a move on unsuspecting me...

"Would you like a massage?  A sensual message?", he asked me.  What in the world is a sensual massage? Don't all massages be the same?

I looked at him uncertainly and he reassured me, "Don't worry.  I gave one to BFF and there's no sex involved."

"BFF had a sensual massage? When? She didn't tell me?", I felt betrayed.

"It was nothing.  I'll give you one if you want...?", he then paused, waiting for my answer.

"Alright."  If BFF got one I'll have one too you know.  Of course I wasn't thinking that out loud. 

I went to his bed and lied down on my belly, fully clothed.  I had on, a pair of blue jeans and a red top.  He lifted my top and started rubbing down his hands on my back.  Very gently. Started to knead my bones and muscles on my back.  I was in heaven.

"You like it?", he whispered.  "Mmmmm...", I tried to nod.

"Would you like me to take off your top?"


I was completely lost to his touch and couldn't resist him.  I was in a lull when...

Whoa! My eyes snapped open and,

"Relax, I wouldn't do anything you don't want me to", he coaxed while his fingers were fumbling with my bra.

"Turn over...", he continued.  What the hell? No sex my ass! I know where that's going...

I did turn my spellbound ass over.  He removed my bra and BAM! He gasped and I looked at him.  His smoldering eyes were black with desire.  Those eyes made me feel like a wanton hussy.  The Moist Haven started to urgently tingle.  He closed his mouth over my throbbing nipples and began to suck...

Nothing matters right now.  I want him with every bone in my body. Oh yes...don't stop...

Then licking his way down to Moist Haven, his lips landed on it.  It was pouring down there in Moist Haven.  I could hear beating drums in my ears.

He ate it like a starved child, with me covering my face with one of his pillows.  I didn't want him to look at the blissfully-contorted expressions on my face...I started to wriggle under his mouth until my world burst into a euphoric kaleidoscope of colors...

With my back arched, I reached for his belt and unzipped his pants.

And what followed next went so fast that I was left stunned, craving for more.  He whipped out the Johnson and dived in once and pulled out!

What the fuck? Where is...? Why...? Uh...what...?!

I roused from the comatose-like state I was fiercely pushed in and looked at him pulling up his pants and buckling up. 

"What's wrong?", I queried, my mouth dry and the Africans still beating drums somewhere down there in Moist Haven.

"That's a sensual massage!", he explained.

"Oh...!"  That's it?

Much, much later, he told me that he just wanted to give me a taste and besides, I was seeing someone else.  And no, BFF never got any sensual massage from him, which I already knew by then because I asked BFF if it were true.   

Honey Lips knew that if he didn't bend the truth a little about BFF getting a sensual massage I would have never gone for a sensual massage!  Damn right I wouldn't have and I would have missed 6 months's worth of blissful sex!

And that folks, that's how the cookie crumbled....

P.S:  That was a long damn post! Phew..! If you've made it until the end then by God you must be soaking wet right now.  Else, you have a problem.  Your sex drive needs oiling. Or something...

Attitude Boy Says No To Birth Control And Safe Sex

Right now I'm staring at my screen, my mind in chaos.

Should I tell you about Attitude Boy and his baby mothers?  Or should I keep that story for next week?

Have I piqued your curiosity about Attitude Boy?  Yes?

His story is long and as you know, my posts are rather short. I like them short and simple. 

Anyway, since you insist, Attitude Boy is a man-child who just can't keep his dick in his pants.  Nothing new there huh?  All the men I came to know on Smaller Island use their penis more than their brain.

Attitude Boy has 2 baby mommas and he's only 20 years old! His mother is a whore (that's the word on the street) who after marrying a white dude, deserted AB and his sister.  Consequently, AB moved in with his mother-whore's best friend and impregnated MWBF's daughter.  After she delivered a pair of twins, her mother sent her to NY and kicked AB out of her house.

Then AB moved in with us.  Well we provided him with a roof over his head and helped him out for a few months.  Then I met AB's sister.  She is one helluva pretty woman.  Again, according to locals, she's no stranger to the horny male population.  First time I saw her, I was completely blown away by the sheer beauty of that girl.  Let's name her Pretty Woman.  Right.  So Pretty Woman is 19 years old and she gets paid to travel to exotic islands and fuck old, rich men.  I was dubious in the beginning because she seems like a nice girl to me.  And then her cousin confirmed the alleged rumors.

So back to Attitude Boy.  He, after his first baby mother relocated, started seeing another girl, who looks like a 14 year-old but is actually 18.  Honey Lips informed me about the pregnancy because, Attitude Boy is boasting to the boys in the area about his sexual prouesses to whoever cares to listen.  And believe me, many CARE enough to listen to what you have to say or don't have to say in Smaller Island.

Then yesterday I saw AB and his newly-pregnant woman-child girlfriend with her big belly, walking hand in hand.  I was in shock.  I mean hearing things and seeing things are two different things right? They stopped to say hi and AB was talking to my Honey Lips like he's a little boy! What the motherfuck?  I'm aware of his attitude problem but I thought he would at least be more respectful and all but hell to the no! His so-called gangster swagger infuriated me so much that I plainly ignored him until he left.

"Let him be", said Honey Lips when they left.

"Uh...", I mumbled.

"He thinks he's all that...", I added.

"You know me.  These things don't bother me.  What's my name?", asked HL.

I laughed.

"I know half of the people in this motherfucking island and the other half knows me..."

And that's how Honey Lips blows his own horn!

[Insert as many snickers as you can here]

Monday, April 12, 2010

The Pimp And His Main Squeeze

First of all, let me apologise for the previous post.  I wrote it last night and this morning I woke up with guilt and shame, thinking of what you all must be thinking of me. 


I woke up just fine.  LOL.  I'm glad I'm putting my business out there.  But I thought at least one of you would come up and say, "Me too!"

So you've read the title and you must have said out loud, 'What now?'

Well this post is about The Pimp (Honey Lips's chum) and his Main Squeeze.  The Pimp is an alright guy, he's very good to me and is ready to defend my honor when bitches run their mouth.  Main Squeeze is a very nice woman, in her early 20s and extremely cautious when it comes to let a male into her heart.  Despite her misgivings, she fell for The Pimp.  They are going quite strong and The Pimp is serious about her.  Everything is fine in Mushy Land until last week when Honey Lips imparted a secret to my delicate ears. 

Apparently, The Pimp is a sleep-around type of guy.  He fancies anything with big boobies on a pair of legs, attached to a pair of butt cheeks and feels he must whip the Johnson out and into the Moist Haven at least once.   It's obvious he's madly in love with Main Squeeze but his roving eyes keep roving.

Over the last few weeks, Main Squeeze and I became good friends.  Every time she confides in me, my brain gets whacked up by guilt.  They have been fighting practically every day since Main Squeeze's been hearing stories.  Stories like "Your man is a man-whore", or "He sleeps around" or "Bitch I'll kill you if you don't stop seeing my man", etc.

The island we live on is pretty small and everyone knows almost everybody.  Any time you set foot out of your house, somebody will know and will pass on the information to someone.  After all, it's a big deal if you're drinking a beer and talking to a woman/man during the day when you're supposed to be doing something else.

So when I heard of The Pimp's notorious ways from Honey Lips - a trusted source since they hang out almost everyday -, my respect for The Pimp kinda plummeted.  If I didn't know Main Squeeze at all, I would have cared less or none at all.  But since she's a good friend of mine, I can't really be honest to her and that's worth losing sleep over.  On the other hand, if I say anything to her, everybody loses in one way or the other. (Plus HL strictly warned me not to get involved and never to get involved in other couples' relationships.) But I truly believe The Pimp really, really loves her. 

What I can't comprehend is why should one betray the ones one loves?  Why can't we fully respect each other?  For how long will he fuck around?  What happens when or if Main Squeeze finds out?  Will I lose another friend? Should I keep my distance from her?  Because I can't and won't say anything to her.  And that makes me feel like an asshole.

Go ahead.  Judge me.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

I'm Crazy...But You Know That!

But how much of a nuthead am I really?  You don't know that!

Now before you read the following, let me warn you that this post is of a delicate subject and if you're eating, come back after you're done stuffing your face.

Okay.  You ready?


Recently, I've been smelling my own panties...and I like the way it smells! 

Hey put that phone down! I'm perfectly sane and I do not need to be admitted to Nutty Hospital! And don't try smelling your panties NOW! You can do it later.  After you finish reading this post.

So tell me.  Have you ever tried to smell your own knickers?  Especially after you've washed the vajay after sex?

That pleasant smell comes only after sex.  And stays for a few days.

For the first time, yesterday, I confessed to Honey Lips and he just laughed and called me a freak! 

"I like the way my pussy juice smells after we done fucking", I excitedly confessed.

"You're a freak!", he chuckles.

"I think it's because my juice is mixed up with yours.  And I love the way your cock smells after sex.", I continued.

"Tell me that again tonight!", he suggests.

But we didn't have sex last night because we both fell asleep!

He took care of business today though and Lordy Lord I can't tell you how much that scent excites my senses.

AnyIamnottellingyouanotherwordabouttodayssexway, ain't it a motherbitcher when after lovemaking you go to wash the poumpoum and one drop of pussy juice trickles down your legs and then you gotta step back in the shower and wash again?!  Totally annoying, isn't it?

Friday, April 9, 2010

Let's Take A Look At Some Pictures, Shall We?

Yesterday, Carina from The Blogette posted the photograph of a beautiful sunset she captured on film on her trip to Cafe Del Mar.  Actually, it's a blog meme where you have to open your Pictures folder and choose the 10th picture from the first album and publish it on your blog, accompanied by a few words about the said picture.

Well, I'm not participating in the meme but looking at the sunset reminded me of that Easter week-end Honey Lips and I spent on a very small island last year.  It was magical.

We spent the night in a wooden cabin facing the ocean.  I'm not good with words when it comes to describe places so  let's have a look at the pictures, shall we? ;p

The last two pictures are of the sunrise.  We woke up early and went on the balcony to watch the sunrise while having a smoke or two.  I wished time would have stopped then.  It was subliminal.  The day started out with grey, heavy clouds but by 11 o'clock, the sun was shining brightly and we made our way to a popular beach. 

One of the beaches on the small island...

I wish I could put up more photos but you know, with that anonymity ish and all...anyway my lovelies, keep drooling while I go clean my house! ;p

Of course, you know you gotta click on the picture to biggify (stealing ChinkyMel's word here! ;p) it, right? Right...Happy Friday!


I've been Blog-crushed by Undomestic Chica.  Head over to her blog and read my mini-interview please! Thank you.  And do read her blog as well.  She's funny, smart and beautiful.  And undomestic...;p

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Booby Talk

Everybody likes big boobies.  Am I right? 

If you don't then move to the left! Ha!

For those who love big boobies, women included - because don't tell me you don't get turned on by big bouncy boobies! You lie.  Anyway move to the left if a nerve in your nether regions doesn't jump at the sight of boobage -, stay and read. 

First let me clarify: by massive breasts I mean big like Salma Hayek - natural and firm and UP.  Not fake boobies.  Like Pamela Anderson or Katie Price.  Uh huh.

God has endowed me with pretty big boobies.  I never asked for it and I always say that it's not my prayer God answered but Honey Lips'.  He enjoys them most of the time. And sometimes I do too.  Hey I gotta take care of business too!  No judging please. 

Anyway this is about when I wanted to have a breast reduction! I know.  Crazy!

When I was growing up, I realized that my mammary glands are way bigger than my friends'.  It used to bother me.  A lot.  Because every time I step into a clothes shop I have problems finding a top.  When I find one that fits me to a T, I'll buy at least 2 in different colors.  My expensive shopping trips always ends in tears of frustration.  And then, I have men talking to my breasts instead of looking me in the eyes for a decent conversation.  I spent four years in a sex-deprived country and believe me, crossing my hands over my boobs grew tiresome after a short while.

Then I decided that when I get rich I'll have a boob reduction.  My best friend called me crazy and advised that I would grow out of it in a couple of years.  And that she liked my boobs just like they are.  That didn't convince me until I became sexually active! Like when I had sex the first time. 

Oh boy! Was I ever happy again!  Heck, I was so enchanted by them that I had to experience them on my own!  It opened up a new world to me.  It has also boosted my self-confidence (not too much because I still have other complex physical issues!  It never ends huh?!)

And the day Honey Lips decided to put his seduction plan in motion made me see stars and thanked God that there won't be any more blabbering of "I want small boobies."  Like HL keeps saying, "the way they spilled out of your bra got me hooked"; so in a way I should thank the twins!  Don't you think?

What's my bra size you ask? Ha! Let's just say big enough for HL to bury his face in between and yell "Bouyaka!" ;p

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Another Life Lost

Last week, I was so deeply engrossed doing something on the laptop that I didn't hear the fight and murder happening in front of my house. 

Honey Lips and his father witnessed the crime with another dozen of on-lookers. 

A homeless vagrant allegedly teased a girl (harmless tease and he was under the influence) and minutes later, the girl's father came and took a swing at his head with a cutlass.  The homeless mister fell to the ground while the father ran away.  Some of the witnesses took him to the hospital.  His brain suffered a massive trauma and he passed away not long after.

The police has since been badgering my maid who didn't see anything but a guy running away.  Honey Lips and his father tried to help with the investigation.  And yesterday, the murderer father was caught after one of the other witnesses gave away his name. 

All I want to ask the father is, "Why would you kill someone - someone you know is not in his senses - just because he was harmlessly teasing your daughter?  I know you have a right to be protective of your daughter but you do NOT have the right to take away a life."

What's next?  When does the stupidiy stop?

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

More Blog Love

I know I've been scarce on the blog scene for the past week.  I was catching up on much-needed sleep!  And then the Easter week-end gave me a good excuse to stay in bed and do nothing but watch TV.  I did go out.  Yesterday Honey Lips and I went to the beach and enjoyed a 1-hour swim.  It was awesome.  The weather was perfect.  The sea water was exquisite.  It was too crowded though but it didn't deter us from having fun. 

Then yesterday evening, Honey Lips went into shock as one of his good friends passed away.  The friend was out on one of the roughest beach in the country yesterday with her family and drowned.  We were supposed to go out last night but because of this tragedy we stayed home and...fell asleep!

Last week I got 3 awards and 1 award yesterday.  I'm awesome, ain't I? I'm really stoked and on a high here.  It means a lot to me.  So here are the beautiful awards:

Thank you girls.  You rock my world! ;p

Those awards are passed to ALL my readers because you deserve it.  So grab any one you like! 
Have a blessed week...;p

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Defintely A Night To Remember

"I'm hungry boy.  Are you hungry?", Honey Lips asked me by rubbing his belly.

"Yes, I am", I answered.

"Let's go find something to eat then", he started walking towards the door, with me in tow.  

It's Thursday night.  Honey Lips and I are in the local club, sitting in the VIP area, with him nursing a work-in-progress headache.  We just came back from the dance floor because the music was shitty and too loud.  We're surrounded by a crowd of upper-class, stuck-up mortals and not too many of bourgeois wannabes.  We fit in perfectly.

Anytime Honey Lips skips a meal, his skull hurts.  (That's what he says.)

The kitchen is on the ground floor.  Once there, we placed our order - Fish Burger, since there was no chicken.  While we're enjoying our burgers, a group of girls came down and took the table set slightly opposite ours.  One of the girls is a friend of Honey Lips and she is also The Sporadic Mistress of his friend.  She came over to say hi to us and I could tell she was tipsy.  She is very pretty.  As in model-pretty.

So there we are, Honey Lips and I, eating our hearts out, when the ceiling starts leaking!

"What the hell?", Honey Lips grunted.

"Hey! The ceiling is leaking!", he pointed to the cracked patch a few feet away from our table.  One of the staff promptly went to look for a bucket.

While Mr. Prompt Staff is still looking for that bucket, another patch starts leaking.

"Oh no we're getting out of here, come on love...", HL said.

So we take our burgers and move to stand next to The Sporadic Mistress' table.

"Oh no, that's the water from the toilet upstairs!", shouted one of the staff. 

Fuck.  Those are pissy leaks!

At the same time, The Sporadic Mistress grabs Honey Lips' right hand and takes a bite off his burger!  Honey Lips looks at me and sees the murderous glint in my eyes.  I look back at him and I see anger and frustration.  He forces a grin and moves away from her.

What the fuck? That bitch didn't...oh no...Bitch you don't want me to rip your c**t, you mother-ass bitch!

"Oh that's good.  What is it?", asked Sporadic Mistress, completely oblivious to the tension and the pissy water.

"Fish burger", HL mumbled.  "How much is it? I need to get one!", she said.

"Don't say anything.  Let it go Jo", whispered Honey Lips.

I put my burger down because I lost my appetite.  Honey Lips put his down too.  He couldn't eat his either.  He loathes it when people reach for his food while he's eating.  I try to breathe in and out, but I just couldn't mask my furious expression. 

"It's useless saying anything to her.  That's how they are.  Just leave it", Honey Lips murmured.

Not where I come from! People don't behave like that.  Heck I'd understand if she were your best friend.  But she fucking ain't! Whore ass motherbitcher...! 

By this time, the toilet water's escaping through the cracks.  I'm still mulling over the situation - whether to disregard HL's advice and tell The Sporadic Mistress where she can shove it or let it go and haughtily walk out.  And then I look down.  Pissy water is everywhere!

I shrieked.  Or howled.  I don't even remember.  All I wanted to do was to get out of there as quickly as I could.  Honey Lips was having the same thoughts and he just grabbed my hand and,

"Let's go home.  Enough of this shit."

I was too happy to oblige and followed him.

While we're rushing towards the exit another crack opens up and more pissy water's coming down.  I started to run and splash! A few pissy drops hit my shoulder and my right hand.  Yikey.  I disgustingly held my right pissed-on arm as far away from my body as I could until I reached outside the club.

We are almost near the exit door when I see heavy drops of blood on the floor.


Even HL spotted the blood and asked one of the security guards what the hell happened.  Apparently, one of the customers got hit on his head but everthing is under control now.

Heck no.  My husband and I jumped in the car and drove back home as if the devil was chasing down our pissed-on tail.

Once home,

"Oh fuck!", exclaimed Honey Lips.

"What now?", I asked.

"We forgot to pay for the burgers!"

Thursday, April 1, 2010

1 Cat And A Baby - That's All I Want!

"I want a cat!", I shrieked at Honey Lips.

He calmly replied, "You can't handle two pussies!"

What is wrong with him? I swear sometimes he drives me up the wall because he takes everything as a joke.  

I mean I really, really want a cat!  A feline (other than myself...hahaha) who I'll take care of.  Someone who'll listen to me when no one is around.  Don't mind I'm scared of cats.  That'll give me an opportunity to face my fear (one of many) and pat myself on the back.  

Also, I think owning a kitten is a great way for me to prepare for motherhood, don't ya think?

So why don't you get pregnant? I hear you.

I'm having difficulty conceiving right now.  Well I had two prior miscarriages and now it looks like the Lady Eggs are definitely on a strike.  Click on that link and you'll know more.  

You smoke too much!

*gasps*  You bish! I don't.  A few times maybe but I'm trying to stop puffing.  Now I can't quit cold turkey, can I?  It's so hard.  It's imp...

Oh! Stop with all your shitty excuses! You friggin' want a baby so stop smoking Madre Dios!

Okay.  Okay.  I will.  I promise. I swear.

But I still want a cat...?