Saturday, April 3, 2010

Defintely A Night To Remember

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"I'm hungry boy.  Are you hungry?", Honey Lips asked me by rubbing his belly.

"Yes, I am", I answered.

"Let's go find something to eat then", he started walking towards the door, with me in tow.  

It's Thursday night.  Honey Lips and I are in the local club, sitting in the VIP area, with him nursing a work-in-progress headache.  We just came back from the dance floor because the music was shitty and too loud.  We're surrounded by a crowd of upper-class, stuck-up mortals and not too many of bourgeois wannabes.  We fit in perfectly.

Anytime Honey Lips skips a meal, his skull hurts.  (That's what he says.)

The kitchen is on the ground floor.  Once there, we placed our order - Fish Burger, since there was no chicken.  While we're enjoying our burgers, a group of girls came down and took the table set slightly opposite ours.  One of the girls is a friend of Honey Lips and she is also The Sporadic Mistress of his friend.  She came over to say hi to us and I could tell she was tipsy.  She is very pretty.  As in model-pretty.

So there we are, Honey Lips and I, eating our hearts out, when the ceiling starts leaking!

"What the hell?", Honey Lips grunted.

"Hey! The ceiling is leaking!", he pointed to the cracked patch a few feet away from our table.  One of the staff promptly went to look for a bucket.

While Mr. Prompt Staff is still looking for that bucket, another patch starts leaking.

"Oh no we're getting out of here, come on love...", HL said.

So we take our burgers and move to stand next to The Sporadic Mistress' table.

"Oh no, that's the water from the toilet upstairs!", shouted one of the staff. 

Fuck.  Those are pissy leaks!

At the same time, The Sporadic Mistress grabs Honey Lips' right hand and takes a bite off his burger!  Honey Lips looks at me and sees the murderous glint in my eyes.  I look back at him and I see anger and frustration.  He forces a grin and moves away from her.

What the fuck? That bitch didn't...oh no...Bitch you don't want me to rip your c**t, you mother-ass bitch!

"Oh that's good.  What is it?", asked Sporadic Mistress, completely oblivious to the tension and the pissy water.

"Fish burger", HL mumbled.  "How much is it? I need to get one!", she said.

"Don't say anything.  Let it go Jo", whispered Honey Lips.

I put my burger down because I lost my appetite.  Honey Lips put his down too.  He couldn't eat his either.  He loathes it when people reach for his food while he's eating.  I try to breathe in and out, but I just couldn't mask my furious expression. 

"It's useless saying anything to her.  That's how they are.  Just leave it", Honey Lips murmured.

Not where I come from! People don't behave like that.  Heck I'd understand if she were your best friend.  But she fucking ain't! Whore ass motherbitcher...! 

By this time, the toilet water's escaping through the cracks.  I'm still mulling over the situation - whether to disregard HL's advice and tell The Sporadic Mistress where she can shove it or let it go and haughtily walk out.  And then I look down.  Pissy water is everywhere!

I shrieked.  Or howled.  I don't even remember.  All I wanted to do was to get out of there as quickly as I could.  Honey Lips was having the same thoughts and he just grabbed my hand and,

"Let's go home.  Enough of this shit."

I was too happy to oblige and followed him.

While we're rushing towards the exit another crack opens up and more pissy water's coming down.  I started to run and splash! A few pissy drops hit my shoulder and my right hand.  Yikey.  I disgustingly held my right pissed-on arm as far away from my body as I could until I reached outside the club.

We are almost near the exit door when I see heavy drops of blood on the floor.

WHAT.  THE.  FUCK.

Even HL spotted the blood and asked one of the security guards what the hell happened.  Apparently, one of the customers got hit on his head but everthing is under control now.

Heck no.  My husband and I jumped in the car and drove back home as if the devil was chasing down our pissed-on tail.

Once home,

"Oh fuck!", exclaimed Honey Lips.

"What now?", I asked.

"We forgot to pay for the burgers!"

21 comments:

OfficeGirl said...

You know what I like? I like how all your posts are like something out of chiclit. I already have this picture in my head of what HL and you look like. It's so much fun because every time I visit here it's like opening another chapter of a book. This has got to be the worst night out ever. It seems like every where you two go there is a woman who is pushy and gets in the way. It seems like something always goes horribly wrong. It is always hilarious? Is it bad that I laugh at your misfortune? Don't worry, I still think you are awesome!

Score on the free burgers!!

Johana Hill said...

Awww thank you OfficeGirl! I was having doubts about this post because it's too long. If you've noticed I like to keep 'em short and simple. Glad you're laughing at my misfortunes. In retrospect, I managed a few chuckles too! LOL

I don't mind if you laugh at my posts. I'm happy. Honestly. Else I wouldn't blog at all.

Women over here are very different. They are bold and some of them are vulgar too. *shrug* I can't do anything about it.

Yay for the free burgers! ;p

Gnetch said...

You got free burgers? Wow! But I think you deserved it. After what you've both been through in that club. And the nerve of that girl taking a bite from your hubby's burger. You should've punched her hard. Haha! Just kidding. ;)

Tina said...

Yeah, I'd say those burgers should be on the house. You know, piss water and blood and all.

Barbara said...

What a nightmare of a night! I wouldn't worry about the burgers. After all of that nonsense it should be on the house!

Such! said...

You know, excitement is a good thing, but Im not complaining!

Oh now Im Such!, bot Blue~Flame anymore.

Lissa said...

Hahaha... Awesome that you got free burgers. But man, I'd never go back to that place again.

Andhari said...

What kind of a place is that to have pissy water leaking from the ceiling? EW! Lol. You dont have to pay for anything with that kind of incidents :p

Ps. I'll be annoyed when people take something from my plates too, especially if they're a not close enough friend.

Kanwalful said...

Ewww. What a nightmare of a club. And that slut! I hate the sound of her.

Johana Hill said...

Y'all, the club opened its doors last year, Christmas time and I've been there less than five times since.

Not sure if we'll go back there to Pissy Club. LOL

We do deserve those free burgers, don't we? Honey Lips didn't go back to pay. He's like, "Fuck it!" ;p

Magpie said...

Woah I so wouldn't be going back there in a hurry! What a dump!

Also, I detest girls like that. Rude, inconsiderate, selfish and greedy. Keep your hands/lips/other body parts TO YOURSELF. Nobody wants your skank germs!

MKL said...

This was a good post, not too long, hehe. I was waiting what will happen in the end and as always: a brilliant twist, haha. Anyway, food, blood and urine don't go well together, so I heard. Actually, while I was reading all this, I was like: Eew.

Jewels Diva® said...

What sort of a crapshit club was that?

My God, they could be sued for everything that happened.

But at least you got free burgers,lol!!!!

And as for that bitch, smack the shit out of her!!!!!!!

Or at least pour a drink over her head. Hope she got pissed on!!!!!

mwah, hah, hah!!!!

Kez said...

Yikes! Sounds like one hell of a night out!!!

Elizabeth Marie said...

EW who just takes a bite? I would have gone all Colombian haha :)

Johana Hill said...

@Liz I would have slapped her if she did go all Columbian! LMAO

Lady Mel said...

I hope that was a dream or a Nightmare from Elm Street kind of nightmare.

Should have killed the Sporadic Mistress. Where were you guys?

hotpants™ said...

I can't believe some people's food manners. Crazy!

Annika said...

Who would just grab someones food? The stupidity in the world drives me crazy!

I gave you an award over at my blog, hope your Easter was colorful!

The MANChild Swagga said...

Wow. I applaud you for holding in your patience - stuff was coming at you from all angles. I don't want to laugh, but I couldn't help it.

And Ewwwww to that lady for not being lady-like. Yeah, those burgers should be on the house.

Juliana said...

what a strange night! lol... and chicks like that get my blood BOOOOILING, man. a few years back i would've whispered a couple of words in her ear that would've made her pee in her dress, but nowadays... i prefer to just move away, like you did.

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