Sunday, February 28, 2010

High Heels Are Not My Best Friend

"Honey, I need to get back to the car and ditch these high heels.  They are killing me.", I moaned to Honey Lips.

"I knew it.  You can't wear high heels.", Honey Lips chided.

"It's not like I don't try at all. I used to stand on my feet with high heels on for more than 8 hours a day.", I retaliated.  

"Well you're getting old then.", Honey Lips teased.

And then added, "And you're looking so sexy tonight.  I wanna give it to you real good tonight."

Pointing to my feet, I said, "Let's go.  Else I'll fall flat on my face."

With me leaning on him, we made our way to the car where, with a sigh of relief, I exchanged the high heels for a fancy schmancy pair of flat-soled shoes.  I always carry a spare when I go out.  Just in case you know.  

How in the hell do you do it?  I was under the illusion for so many years that my weight was the cause.  I'm slightly heavy in the belly and thigh areas.  But then I see those heavy T mommas strutting on murderous heels and enjoying every goddamn minute of it.  

Secretly, I wish, when I see a portly woman on stilettos, that she would trip!  I'm mean like that.  Lick my balls.  

But karma is kicking me in the ass heels.  I'm considering packing away my stilettos and come-fuck-me shoes to gather dust in some dark corner of my closet.  When I go out, I look forward to having a good time and not to wince every time I take a step.  High heels kill.  I don't care what you say.  

And God bless his heart.  HL didn't relent one inch and kept on complimenting me even when I was a few inches shorter than when I left home.  Back to the party, we stayed for another hour, dancing our feet off.  

Once home, the last words coming out of his mouth was, "You were looking gor-jyor-geous tonight!" and nodded off.

He made it up to me this morning.  



Juliana said...

Well---I think that it just takes practice. I wore heels since I was---well a baby--JK! I am only a bit over 5 feet tall, so I wear my heels everywhere. I may be one of the only moms that does--either that or barefoot. Maybe you need a great pair of killer boots with sexy heels that are easier to walk in---and they are fun in the bedroom too!

undomestic chica said...

I AlWAYS wear heels! But my secret is, I wear ones with a bit of a platfrom because that way the heel part isn't as high.

Amanda West said...

Haha! Well at least you still had a fun time.

I'm more of a flats girl because of comfort.

I'm with you, I've got thick thighs and a rather large rear end, so with all that extra weight, wearing high heels make my feet hurt soooooo bad.

But I do keep trying to wear them. Because I like when my husband complements how sexy I look in them.

Oh well.

Kait said...

I think the trick with wearing high heels is wearing them A LOT. I can't wear them at all, unless I practice by wearing them for like an hour a day for a week before. Which means I never wear high heels!

Your husband is pretty cool for making you feel good no matter what, though. :)

Tina said...

I don't even own a pair of heals. I will never understand their appeal. I am able to fall down the stairs in running shoes--I don't want to know how I'd hurt myself if I went a day in heals.

Johana Hill said...

Juliana I'm sure they are a hit in the bedroom but I can't put my feet through torture like that just for sex. ;p

Undomestic Chica Yes I like platform too! Shoes with thin sole at the front makes me wobble. LOL

Amanda I do try. Every time we go out but it doesn't last.

Kait Practice makes perfect and I need to try that...;p

Tina Awww..stick to flat shoes! ;p You'll be okay.

Nic said...

I so agree! And think I'm getting old also. My girlfriends still tend to chant "pain is beauty" (ugh, yah, psycho friends) but I always bring an oversized clutch with flats in it, thankyouverymuch. It just isn't worth it!

That is also why you gotta love martini bars - less walking, more sitting, still the same amount of drinking and hot shoes. All-around awesome!

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Sadako said...

Yeah, I think I can walk OK in them but I don't really like to...they're hard! Honey Lips sounds awesome. :)

Hater Von G said...

Worn-in heels are much more comfy... wear em around the house before you wear them out.

And try out different sizes heel wise.

But the best feeling in the world is finally sitting down and taking them off.

MKL said...

Sometimes you gotta suffer to look good ;)

Lady Mel said...

Imagine your flats as heels girls!

Johana are you sure you're not Carrie Bradshaw? ;)

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