Monday, March 1, 2010

Everybody Has A Slutty Cousin

Don't you? I'm sure you do.  Don't you just hate her? Of course you do.  Plus she is prettier than you and most probably every guy she comes across falls for her.  She'll make sure you hear about it every time you see or talk to her.

Her constant gush about X or Y makes you realise how your dating life sucks.  She makes you question your own ability in attracting men.  After all you're a good woman, intelligent, and beautiful.  Then you ask yourself what is wrong with ME? What am I lacking in?  

Then you blame God.  (If you're an atheist then you would castigate whatever powers you believe in or whatever you guys do.)  Talking to God, asking him all kind of questions.  Boring Him to death.  (Figure of speech of course) Until you see your cousin all forlorn and lost.  Your heartbeat picks up a notch and you mumble, "Good for you bitch!" while you extend your arms to her for a fake hug.

Now back to my slutty cousin.  Actually I got more than one.  Yes they are more attractive than me.  And I'm not jealous of them.  Because I'm a slut too.  The only difference is I'm a one-man hussy!  I don't flit from one man to the next.  I have my legs up in the air for one man only.

No, I don't hate you cousins.  It's only your attitude towards sex that smash my nerves into pieces.  Pardon my prim-ness but I love my vagina and having it shoved up with any flitting-fancy-shafts doesn't appeal to me.  Not one bitchy bit.  I'll leave you to snag the fools and uglies.

Let me enjoy my man.

In peace.  

Will ya?


Stacy said...

Haha. Too bad I am the slutty cousin!!!!

Just kidding,


Johana Hill said...

Uh oh! I didn't cater for that!! LOL

Amanda West said...

Haha! Oh my gosh. I have a cousin that two of my ex-boyfriends left me for...

Gah. Thank God my husband doesn't even notice when she walks into the room.

Anonymous said...

After mentally sorting through my cousins ('no, no, hell no, nope, no...') I've realised that I must be the slutty cousin.

Only, fortunately for everybody involved, I'm monogamously slutty. Oooh, ain't my boy a lucky one!

PS: My verification word is 'froosome'. I LOVE it and am definitely going to start using it as a bonafide adjective..

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