Monday, March 22, 2010

My Pirate Got Doped Up

"What happened yesterday?!", my dear husband, groggily, asked me on Saturday morning.

I took immense pleasure in telling him what exactly happened...

Before I explain further, let me give you a quick run-down on how we live on smaller islands on week-ends.  First, the week-end starts on Thursdays.  For some, it's on Wednesdays.  You wake up.  You have a beer for breakfast, another beer for lunch, another one for dinner and gazillion of beers in between.  If you have a job then you have beers after 5 in the afternoon until Monday morning.  Rum is acceptable too.  Whatever rocks your dinghy really.

So that's it basically.  Drown your sorrow, happiness, frustrations, depression and what-nots in alcohol.

And believe you me.  Most of them have a stomach of steel!

Just like Honey Lips.

But last Friday, somebody out of spite spiked his fifth drink with Xtasy! And here goes my husband, on a high roll, swearing like a pissed-off motherfucker.  He hit two cars and got locked up.  Luckily, the traffic officers didn't press any charges.  Neither did the victims.  Honey Lips is a well-known public figure.  A good friend of ours bailed him out and brought him home.

My wifely duties don't include taking care of a pissy husband.  But the good woman I am, I tried.  I got him in the shower where he single-handedly washed off the stink off his skin and breath.  The cold shower didn't douse his lush-ness one iota though! He became more hyper and got dressed (on his own) and decided to go for a stroll!!

"Leave me the fuck alone woman", he barked at me.

I tried to stop him but as a petulant child, he stomped off.  I followed him a few hundred steps until I had to turn back because I wasn't  appropriately dressed and as it is, my neighbors are already fucked up.  Giving them more than they could handle is not in my nature.  I'm tolerant like that.

And off goes my husband.

Hours later, he calls me and,

"You don't care about me.  You don't even call me to find out if I'm okay or not."

"Motherfucker, you told me to leave you the fuck alone.  SO I'm giving you what you want!", I yelled and slammed down the phone.

He came back home just before 9p.m and rushed to his father for his car keys.

"Go relax...You're not getting your car keys.", admonished my father in-law.

Obediently, Honey Lips jumped into bed and went into oblivion in a matter of seconds!

Married life my beautiful arse!

Who said it's fun? Who?

You? I'll hunt you down bitch and kill you!


Stacy said...

That's insane! Where do you live, woman!? Have you told us yet?

gynelwazlib said...

Sounds eventful, to say the least.
Which part of the world, you live Jo?

Blue~Flame (Gubraithian Fire)

Larissa said...

well...thats sounds like fun to me... jk :D

Susie Q said...

Oh my god!!! :D If I were you, I woulda been affa jealous that he got to have all the fun.. Lol

Liking the sound of your weekends though!


Johana Hill said...

Stacy and Blue~Flame I live somewhere between North and South America! ;p

Larissa In retrospect, it does sound like fun! and yes Susie Q, I'm jealous now! Hehehe...

Tina said...

Hilarious! In that "holy shit, thankfully that's all that happened" kind of way. How did you find out what someone put in his drink?

OfficeGirl said...

Nothing is more unattractive then a man who says that no one cares about him or they don't feel loved when you clearly ATTEMPTED to care...

Johana Hill said...

Tina The fifth drink was a treat from a so-called friend who is very well known for that kind of stuff. Actually yesterday the guy 'fessed that he drugged a woman just to have sex with her!

OfficeGirl Tell me about it! He got me blue-vexed! Grrr...

Juliana said...

Oh wow--an E cocktail, sounds like a crazy eventful weekend. Pissy husband, I would say that is not in the marriage vows they just said for better or worse, not pissy ha ha

Nuke Girl said...

Good Lord, woman... is this pretty par for the course as far as weekends go? If so, I'm moving down and staying with you for a while!!! :)

Jewels Diva® said...

Fuck that's bad!!!!

He could have seriously hurt himself or someone else under the influence.

What about the areshole that did it? He fessed up but do the police know?

Johana Hill said...

True that Juliana!

You can come by me anytime Nuke! Say the word... ;p

Jewels He 'fessed up to another crime and besides we got no proof. :(

MKL said...

This sounded like in the movies, hehe. I don't think it's only married life like that, if you're in a relationship, same stuff happens. Shit happens ;)

Kanwalful said...

You're one patient woman, johana!

Annika said...

I bet he had some making up to do the next day! I would be milking that for a looong time! Yeah, ok he didn't ASK to get an E-cocktail... But I would still milk it!

EmWampach said...

OMG - I think your honey Lips has a twin in my man! he he - I had to go pick him and his friends up the other weekend as the bouncers were kicking them out!
Maybe next time you should try get your father in law into the picture sooner:)and tell him to send honey lips to bed sooner!
But high Five to you lovely lady for doing all your wifey duties!

Stacy said...

Left you something!

Dyinetch said...

That was unbelievable. Why would someone put pills on someone else's drink? Good thing your Honey Lips did not seriously injure anybody while he was drugged.

Johana Hill said...

Dyinetch Yes. Thank God nobody got killed. And as to why would someone slip something in your drink is beyond my comprehension. Out of hatred I would guess though...who knows but the culprit... *smh*

Magpie said...

I've never tried XTC so I wonder how the hubbie felt... I totally would have reacted the same way to the 'you don't love me' phone call! Muppet!

Funny in retrospect though!

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