My Pirate Got Doped Up

"What happened yesterday?!", my dear husband, groggily, asked me on Saturday morning.

I took immense pleasure in telling him what exactly happened...

Before I explain further, let me give you a quick run-down on how we live on smaller islands on week-ends.  First, the week-end starts on Thursdays.  For some, it's on Wednesdays.  You wake up.  You have a beer for breakfast, another beer for lunch, another one for dinner and gazillion of beers in between.  If you have a job then you have beers after 5 in the afternoon until Monday morning.  Rum is acceptable too.  Whatever rocks your dinghy really.

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So that's it basically.  Drown your sorrow, happiness, frustrations, depression and what-nots in alcohol.

And believe you me.  Most of them have a stomach of steel!

Just like Honey Lips.

But last Friday, somebody out of spite spiked his fifth drink with Xtasy! And here goes my husband, on a high roll, swearing like a pissed-off motherfucker.  He hit two cars and got locked up.  Luckily, the traffic officers didn't press any charges.  Neither did the victims.  Honey Lips is a well-known public figure.  A good friend of ours bailed him out and brought him home.

My wifely duties don't include taking care of a pissy husband.  But the good woman I am, I tried.  I got him in the shower where he single-handedly washed off the stink off his skin and breath.  The cold shower didn't douse his lush-ness one iota though! He became more hyper and got dressed (on his own) and decided to go for a stroll!!

"Leave me the fuck alone woman", he barked at me.

I tried to stop him but as a petulant child, he stomped off.  I followed him a few hundred steps until I had to turn back because I wasn't  appropriately dressed and as it is, my neighbors are already fucked up.  Giving them more than they could handle is not in my nature.  I'm tolerant like that.

And off goes my husband.

Hours later, he calls me and,

"You don't care about me.  You don't even call me to find out if I'm okay or not."

"Motherfucker, you told me to leave you the fuck alone.  SO I'm giving you what you want!", I yelled and slammed down the phone.

He came back home just before 9p.m and rushed to his father for his car keys.

"Go relax...You're not getting your car keys.", admonished my father in-law.

Obediently, Honey Lips jumped into bed and went into oblivion in a matter of seconds!

Married life my beautiful arse!

Who said it's fun? Who?

You? I'll hunt you down bitch and kill you!