Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Unwanted Guests

I was in my living room, reading blogs when somebody knocked on the door.  I turned around and saw one of Honey Lips' family friends standing outside the glass door, her eyes big and curious, trying to peer inside my house.  I usually keep the doors closed and pull the curtains on one side to let the lights in.

"Now what?!", I half-mumbled and half-growled.  

"Hey Aunty X! What's up? How are you?", I forced a smile.  

"I'm good.  How are you? I came by to see Mr. Y (my father in law). Where is he?", she asked.

"He must be over by him, let me check", I obliged.

"You're putting on weight man! You're eating too much.", she laughingly pointed at my belly.

"Or is it a baby there?", she tried to touch my belly but I stopped her by putting MY hands over MY belly, rubbing it and said, "No, on the contrary I've considerably lost weight but the belly keeps growing..."

What the mother?

Every time she comes by she tells me I look fat or asks me if I'm pregnant! I don't have anything to tell her except for the usual, courteous pleasantries.  And obviously neither does she.  That's why, I think, she brings up the weight and pregnancy conversations.  

Spare me God! I'm too nice to even think of sharp ripostes to her intrusive and ungracious queries.  I just clam up and feign a grin.  It's only when the bitch leaves that I let go of the pent-up annoyance and vow to myself that next time, I'll have her shut the C**T up.


Jewels Diva® said...

If she's only a family friend then it doesn't matter what you say to her, she's not related.

If you don't want to offend anyone, ask your husband if he minds you saying something to her, she's his family's friend, and if he doesn't, then the next time tell her you don't appreciate her dumb arse comments and to say nothing or don't bother coming around.

You don't need to swear or get angry unless she puts it back on you or keeps doing it, in which case then get tough.

''I told you politely to stop insulting me with your remarks, you chose to ignore me and keep doing it, so now you can shut the fuck up and stop coming around because I've had enough of you and your stupid mouth.''

It should work!

Barbara said...

Ugh...I think everybody has a relative that is super annoying.

Carina Blogarina said...

How rude!! I would say something. Family, friend or whoever ... nobody, and I mean nobody, pinches my tummy and asks if I'm pregnant!!!!

Tina said...

Weird. There are so many other things to say for lack of other conversation than "You're getting fat!"

You should say in reply, "Your face has gotten uglier."

Annika said...

Damn, I wouldn't let her into my house! Put a sign outside your door; "Ye shall respect me, or ye shall never enter"... Or punch her.

Juliana said...

i got super fat for about three months while dating a personal trainer (!). we were at a department store together once, holding hands, when one of the sales ladies asked me "how far along" i was. i lost 20lbs soon after.

sucks you can't tell this biatch to get a life.

Johana Hill said...

Jewels Diva My husband won't mind me cussing her ass stink! I'll try your suggestion... ;p

Barbara True that!

Carina I wanted to punch her so bad.

Hahahaha Tina That's a good one. ;p

Annika She didn't get in my house...I closed the door shut when I came out to meet her. I wouldn't let her in!

Julianna And the thing is I'm losing weight but she can't see it or just doesn't want to!

Agy Talks said...

Maybe she was just thinking inside: "Damn.. she is looking so good... AGAIN...should say something bitchy..." lol


Nahl said...

I hate people who have stupid, unthoughtful comments like that to share!

Susie Q said...

I wrote like a really long comment and it disappeared! *sniffle*

Do you all know the joke about weddings/funerals?
You know the one, where a girl goes to family weddings and gets so annoyed because every time she shows her face, the old ladies come up to her and say things like "you'll be next" and "it'll be your turn soon". She never got them to stop no matter what she said, UNTIL she went to a family funeral and went to prod the ladies and said things like "you'll be next" and "it'll be your turn soon"...

SO taking this in, next time she comes in, just stare at her very intently like there's something new about her and when she notices, just say that she reminds you of someone. When she asks who, just say "my friend's bulldog, it's got the same jowls...."

Now obviously doesn't work with anyone in their teens but if they're any older.. BOOM!

inconsiderate bitch.. :P


Johana Hill said...

Susie Q That joke cracked me up! LOL Thank you...Aunty X is way past her 50s but act like a damn 40-year-old-something...and she is always in hyper-like state...arrgghhh...

Nuke Girl said...

I've never actually used this line, but next time she makes a remark you should say...

"I might be fat, but you're ugly... and I can lose weight!"

Heard one of my friends say it to a bitch at the bar one time and died laughing. ;P

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