Saturday, April 17, 2010

Why Hello There! Welcome To Drama City...

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Once upon a time a man named Horny Pants came to us for help.  He was looking for a house to rent.  He came over with Miss Flat Face, who is also his mistress.  Horny Pants is way over his 40s while Flat Face is under 25.  Flat Face needed a place to stay, closer to Horny Pants, where she can stretch her Southern Lips more often than if she were living in the 'burbs.

Honey Lips sent him to one of his friends, Treadmill Mouth, who owns various apartments.  Treadmill Mouth agreed to rent one of his quarters to Horny Pants and Flat Face.  As usual, everything is going good in Mushy Fucky Land.

Last year, Honey Lips and I went on a road trip.  We stopped at this empty lot, facing the ocean, to have a breather.  Lots of people were about, food was being served, drinks were being drank, smokers were polluting the fresh air of the mountain (including me), and women eyeing each other up.

Then this woman came to me and said, "Hi!"

"Uh hi..." said Honey Lips and I in unison.  Who the hell are you?

"You guys going to _____________?", she asked, with a constant grin glued to her face.

"Yes we are", and thus followed a small conversation until she left.

"Who the hell was that?", asked Honey Lips.

"I don't know but her face looks familiar".  You know how women have other women's faces etched in their memory right?  I had hers too but I just couldn't remember where I saw her.

By night-time....

"Oh I know.  It's Horny Pants' smallie!", it hit me like a blow.

"Oh yes! Well I'm surprised she still remembers us and came over to say hi", Honey Lips replied.

Fast-forward to a few weeks later...

Honey Lips on the phone with Horny Pants:  "Yes we met her at ________."

"Well she's asking you why you haven't added her on Facebook yet!", Horny Pants asked.

"Oh what's her name on there? I'll add her", Honey Lips sent her a request on Facebook and she later added him on MSN too.  I'm cool with that.  But I won't add her on Facebook because I don't really know her you know so yea I didn't send any friend request...

Somewhere around end of March... 
 

Flat Face shot an IM to Honey Lips on MSN where she painstakingly gave an account of how Horny Pants' wife found out about them and how the wife passed by her house and threw a rock at her window! Fortunately she was not home but Treadmill Mouth was. 

Of course I was there reading the messages along with HL...

Couple days later...

"Hey you heard about Horny Pants and his wife?  His wife is so mad.  I hear she kicked him out and went by Flat Face's...", one of HL's friends informed him.

"Oh really? How did the wife find out?", HL played along.

"Well your good friend Treadmill Mouth let the cat out of the bag".

To cut an already long story short, Flat Face is now blaming Honey Lips for telling the whole wide world about her business when it's Treadmill Mouth who's living up to his name.  Honey Lips cursed Flat Face's ass.  (Well I still think he was too soft on her - we saved the MSN chat logs just in case.  I would have ripped her apart.  Which HL promised me will happen soon.)

Bitch needs to stuff her grievance up her crap hole and suck on it...

I'm ready to throw some punches, albeit verbal...

13 comments:

the girl in stiletto said...

wow! catty.... xD let us know how the cat fight goes :p damn, i'm mean! hehe

Johana Hill said...

Hey we are proud to be mean! I surely will regale you with the details when the cat-fight happens! ;p

Gnetch said...

How stupid is it that Flat Face is blaming your husband? Damn, I'm so excited for the cat fight. LOL

Johana Hill said...

You said it Gnetch! She is S.T.U.P.I.D! ;p

Rainey said...

Way to be a incognito mistress Flat Face! Yep. Befriend allll of the friends of your guy, rent a place from their friends, and then of course make sure to plea your way into a facebook add!

What a piece of work. My mind is itching to see those MSN exchanges. Or better yet, an MSN exchange between you and her.

// krissy ♥ said...

I hate people who do things and then when it does not end the way they want it to they then put the blame on other people XD

Nuke Girl said...

Nice. Classy people you live with on this Small Island, eh?? :)

Jewels Diva® said...

Seriously!!!!! What sort of people do you hang out with,lol!!!!

Magpie said...

Pull her hair. Bitches hate that. PULL IT HARD!

MKL said...

Haha.. this was a bit hard to follow. So Honey Face did punch Flat Treadmill in the end? Lol. No, I did get it. Hold your fists, Johana, a flat face shall appear in front of you in 7 days!*

*God

Lady Mel said...

1.) Who uses "MSN Messenger" these days? It's not 2000.

2.) her "Southern lips" Where do you get these nicknames? :P

3. The girl is crazy.

mrs. b. said...

oh my, sounds like quite the lady. and your nicknames seriously crack me up, doll.

Susie Q said...

erm.. This is why we don't pump married men. Or men with girlfriends. BECAUSE IT'S STUPID and you're GOING TO GET FOUND OUT!!!

Pffft

xx

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