I'm A Very Busy Woman...

This post is all about updates.  

Remember Main Squeeze?  I haven't heard from her in a long while.  The last time I saw her was when she brought her dad over to introduce him to Honey Lips and I.  That was in March, if my memory serves me right.  I've met The Pimp last week.  Saw him a couple of times before and always alone or in the company of friends.  Is he still with Main Squeeze? I'm not sure.

Treadmill Mouth went underground for a good portion of the last 2 months.  He then re-appeared 3 weeks ago.  I think he was hiding away, out of shame.  Because almost everyone caught him out on his gossip-y habits.  Honey Lips conveniently turns his head away or just leaves when Treadmill Mouth is around.  HL doesn't want to be associated with the likes of TM.

Attitude Boy became the father of a little girl last month.  His first baby mother and the twins are still in NY.  His attitude still sucks.  Pretty Woman went to the US and in her first week in the states, she already started applying for modelling jobs.  Facebook says she's reaching places.  I wish her all the best.

Flat Face and Horny Pants haven't left each other's bed as of yet.  God bless them.

Lover Boo is still pining for Virgin Boo.  Lover Boo wastes spends her time analyzing the unjustices of unrequited love while Virgin Boo is doing her best to keep things platonic.  It's no use talking to either one of them.

Stupid Girl should have been named Sucker Girl.  A couple of weeks ago, I caught her (not exactly caught her since she doesn't bother hiding the nasty habit) sucking her thumb! She sits on her balcony, sucking her thumb! Well good for her.  At least she's practising something! Sucking skills are very important if you want to succeed in life, right?  You don't know?  Ask Stupid Girl's mum.  I met her for the first time last week and I would be so right in believing that she condones her daughter's lifestyle.  As a matter of fact, SG's whole family knows of her affair with High Cock.  Talk about family support!

Anyway, let's get to the good news.

Honey Lips is still trying to be funny and cracking jokes left, right and center while The Mercurial Wife is being a bitch.  As always.


Side Note: Why are you skimming? Go click on the links and read the stories if you haven't already! There's a good girl. ;p

Names Explained

Busy, busy, busy!

Paperwork, paperwork, paperwork!

Hot, hot, hot!

Now merge those 3 together you get hell, hell, hell.

That's where I've been for the past 2 weeks.  Hell!

Anyway someone asked me why did I name Stupid Girl Stupid Girl and High Cock High Cock.  I know many of you are curious and wonder why do I refer to the people I blog about with crazy names.  Well ain't it your lucky day today!  I'm going to tell you why.

Honey Lips - My husband who drives me crazy with his soft and sweet lips.  I can spend everyday in bed with his lips kissing every inch of my skin.

Classy Woman - a good friend who loathes bad-mannered people.  She would swallow a fart even if her life depends on her not swallowing it.

High Cock - a rich guy who drives more than one car, has more than one house, has more than one mistress put up in rented accommodation, and has a heart of gold.  And his wife is one of the prettiest, smart women on the island.  Life sucks, eh?

Lover Boo - my lesbian friend whom you wish were a man. Whom you wish were your man.  When she loves, she gives her all.  That's one chick who'll really travel to the end of the world for you.  She's a classic example of love-makes-you-go-blind theory. 

Virgin Boo - the love of Lover Boo.  She is a virgin in every sense.  Nuff said.

Stupid Girl - one of the mistresses of High Cock, she has had sexual intercourse from an early age and believes she's too much of a mature woman to mingle with the high-schoolers and hence dropped out.  She parties every night and sleeps during the day.  Sugar daddies come and go, true, but when shit goes sour, then what? No GCSE, no diplomas, no degrees.  No education.  Even hookers know the importance of education.

Treadmill Mouth, Main Squeeze, The Pimp, Manly Man and Slutty Girl - the names say it all!

I'm all ears now! ;p

Why Hello There! Welcome To Drama City...

Once upon a time a man named Horny Pants came to us for help.  He was looking for a house to rent.  He came over with Miss Flat Face, who is also his mistress.  Horny Pants is way over his 40s while Flat Face is under 25.  Flat Face needed a place to stay, closer to Horny Pants, where she can stretch her Southern Lips more often than if she were living in the 'burbs.

Honey Lips sent him to one of his friends, Treadmill Mouth, who owns various apartments.  Treadmill Mouth agreed to rent one of his quarters to Horny Pants and Flat Face.  As usual, everything is going good in Mushy Fucky Land.

Last year, Honey Lips and I went on a road trip.  We stopped at this empty lot, facing the ocean, to have a breather.  Lots of people were about, food was being served, drinks were being drank, smokers were polluting the fresh air of the mountain (including me), and women eyeing each other up.

Then this woman came to me and said, "Hi!"

"Uh hi..." said Honey Lips and I in unison.  Who the hell are you?

"You guys going to _____________?", she asked, with a constant grin glued to her face.

"Yes we are", and thus followed a small conversation until she left.

"Who the hell was that?", asked Honey Lips.

"I don't know but her face looks familiar".  You know how women have other women's faces etched in their memory right?  I had hers too but I just couldn't remember where I saw her.

By night-time....

"Oh I know.  It's Horny Pants' smallie!", it hit me like a blow.

"Oh yes! Well I'm surprised she still remembers us and came over to say hi", Honey Lips replied.

Fast-forward to a few weeks later...

Honey Lips on the phone with Horny Pants:  "Yes we met her at ________."

"Well she's asking you why you haven't added her on Facebook yet!", Horny Pants asked.

"Oh what's her name on there? I'll add her", Honey Lips sent her a request on Facebook and she later added him on MSN too.  I'm cool with that.  But I won't add her on Facebook because I don't really know her you know so yea I didn't send any friend request...

Somewhere around end of March... 
 

Flat Face shot an IM to Honey Lips on MSN where she painstakingly gave an account of how Horny Pants' wife found out about them and how the wife passed by her house and threw a rock at her window! Fortunately she was not home but Treadmill Mouth was. 

Of course I was there reading the messages along with HL...

Couple days later...

"Hey you heard about Horny Pants and his wife?  His wife is so mad.  I hear she kicked him out and went by Flat Face's...", one of HL's friends informed him.

"Oh really? How did the wife find out?", HL played along.

"Well your good friend Treadmill Mouth let the cat out of the bag".

To cut an already long story short, Flat Face is now blaming Honey Lips for telling the whole wide world about her business when it's Treadmill Mouth who's living up to his name.  Honey Lips cursed Flat Face's ass.  (Well I still think he was too soft on her - we saved the MSN chat logs just in case.  I would have ripped her apart.  Which HL promised me will happen soon.)

Bitch needs to stuff her grievance up her crap hole and suck on it...

I'm ready to throw some punches, albeit verbal...