Is It Pink? Or Salmon Pink?

Days ago, while reading this post over at skinny dip, I was surprised to see a picture of her pink bikini! Why was I surprised?  Because I got the same!  Minus the bottoms.  I remember buying mine in Topshop, London.  It was on sales for a tenner apiece!  I wasn't too keen on the bottoms and since it was being sold separately, I bought two bikini tops!

I took a picture of the tops and please, don't mind my mattress! It's linen-changing day today! And before putting on fresh linen, I always leave the bed 'naked'...

Here goes!

And here's the black one, without the front frills...

I usually wear them under a strapless top with a pair of short shorts.  I wore the black one only once when I went in the sea water with a black panty as bottom! Hehehehe...By the way, is that pink or salmon pink?

I know it's Summer and many of you are gearing up...toning up...

Head over at Carina's where she has laid out her favorite swimwears! And she got taste, that lady sure does!

See y'all later! 

It's Friday. Let's Have A Laugh!

If you're missing the drama, don't worry, I'll bring you some in the near future. I'm helping Honey Lips with a project of his and that's why you won't see me commenting that much on your blog.

But anyway, amongst the chaos, I have a joke for y'all.

Baby G will be 4 years old this year and she's the daughter of my FIL and his wife.

"Oh Baby G! You wet your bed! Why did you wet your bed?", asked FIL's wife.

Baby G panicked and desperately said, "I was resting on my bladder!"

Now nobody has taught her (yet) that word! And she keeps surprising everybody with new grown-up words! She hasn't started preschool yet.  All she does is help her mommy and grandma around the house and watch TV.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

One time, when she was visiting, I was helping her take a bath.

"Don't touch my vagina!", she screamed at me when I was lathering her body with the baby soap. 

That shocked me and I told her mother but luckily, the mother taught her about vaginas and how men or anyone else aren't supposed to touch her vagina!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Another day, Baby G and FIL and his wife went to the embassy and they were waiting for their turn.  While waiting, a woman asked about the number of women waiting. 

A guy gave out the number of women present in the waiting room and Baby G said, "I'm a woman too!"

LMAO


Happy Friday y'all! ;p

I Feel The Love...

On Sunday, Honey Lips and I were watching the movie, Street Fighters - The Legend of Chun Li and this came up:

"You know I've been to Japan once?" asked Honey Lips.

"For the umpteenth time, yes, you did tell me", I replied.  Exasperated.

"I want to go to Bangkok.  I just know I'll love it there. I won't be banging my cock there", he - with a serious face - let on.

And of course, that got me in stitches!

Anyitsnotyourbusinessway, I received 6 awards!!!

From Christina

From Sarah

 From Rukhpar Mor

From A Bitchfest! Lovefest!

From Christina and Carina

A BIG THANK YOU to each and every one of you girls.  You simply rock! ;p

And now, I want ALL of my readers to grab one! I insist!!! Do it. My passive silent readers included.

Plus, an awesome welcome to my new readers.  I see you there, lurking...! ;p

One of them, Bruno from Bruno's Site is having a giveaway! To participate please click on Win A Free Domain Name and follow the instructions.  Good luck! ;p

In other news, look out for the next issue of The Mercurial Wife Interviews...who will it be this time? Hehehe...Well, keep reading and if you have not subscribed, it's high time you do! Ya hear me?

Laters...

Post Date Customization - Blogger SOS - Part II

I was very pleased with the response about my new blog layout.  I'm totally in love with it and I should tell you that I've worked on the layout for a while now.

Some days, I browse for hours, until inspiration strikes.  And it's not easy since I LOVE colors.  If I could integrate each and every color in my blog template, believe me, I would.  But anyway, remember (readers who've been reading since the beginning of The Mercurial Wife) the post Blogger SOS - Part I?  I know I said I would help anyone with template customization.  Again, I'm not really good at it but I try.

And today, I decided I would share one of the tricks I've used on this layout - the date header.  Have you noticed that it's not displayed the traditional way?  For months, I've been searching for the code and finally, I got it.  Before you try this hack, please do a back-up of your Blogger template (Click on Download Full Template)

1.  Log in on Blogger.
2.  Click on Design.
3.  Press Ctrl+f and search for

    ]]></b:skin> 

4.  Just above it, paste the following CSS code

.post-month { 
     background:#eee;
     float:left;
     font-size:15px;
     font-family:Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;
     text-align: center;
     width: 80px;
     height: 63px;
     color:#000;
     padding-top:5px;
     padding-bottom:0px;
     text-transform:uppercase;
     margin:-6px 7px 0 -10px;
}

.post-date {
    font-size:14px;
    font-weight:bold;
    text-align: center;
    color:#222;
}

.post-year{
    font-size:12px;
    font-weight:bold;
    text-align: center;
    color:#f0efeb;
}

5. Click on Save
6. Click on Expand Widget templates.
7. Ctrl+F and search for

<div class='post hentry'>

8. Paste the following just below it

<!-- calendar script-->
<div class='post-content'>
<div class='post-month'>
<script type='text/javascript'>
       var timestamp = &quot;<data:post.dateHeader/>&quot;;
       if (timestamp != &#39;&#39;) {
               var timesplit = timestamp.split(&quot;,&quot;);
               var date_yyyy = timesplit[2];
               var timesplit = timesplit[1].split(&quot; &quot;);
               var date_dd = timesplit[2];
               var date_mmm = timesplit[1].substring(0, 3);
       }
</script>
<script type='text/javascript'>document.write(date_mmm);</script>                <div class='post-date'><script type='text/javascript'>document.write(date_dd);</script></div>
<div class='post-year'><script type='text/javascript'>document.write(date_yyyy);</script>
</div>
</div></div>
<!-- end of cal script--> 

9. Save.
10. Ctrl+f and search for

<h2 class='date-header'><span><data:post.dateHeader/></span></h2>

11.  Replace with

<!--<h2 class='date-header'><span><data:post.dateHeader/></span></h2>-->

12.  Save.
13.  Go to date settings and select the third option - Monday, June 21, 2010.
14. Save and voila!

 You can edit the CSS section (see in red) to your heart's content! Any problems, let me know. ;p

Enjoy!

Testing

This is an experiment post.  So kindly ignore it. 

A hairy communist bolts.

Just A Burning Thought...

I've been horned in the past.  Badly.  It was a long saga of tears, fights, depression, and sorrow.  It was years ago but I still remember.  The pain hasn't gone anywhere.  I'm a woman who forgives but does not forget.  Not ever.  And that's why I don't trust any man.  I just can't.  I believe we are all capable of cheating.

So now every time I see or meet someone with the same name as the 'other woman' I automatically frown and my rude self takes over.  It still happens after all these years.  Like, yesterday I was browsing through 20SB and I saw that name!  My mind immediately got swamped by bitter memories and I said, "Bitch, I ain't gon add you! Fuck you...", and I moved on to the next 20SB-er.

I know it's wrong but I can't help it.

Ever happened to you?

Sharing The Joke...

Dave comes home from work early one day.  He walks into the kitchen and sees his wife on her knees, scrubbing the floor.  He watches the rhythmic movements of her bum high in the air for a few seconds, before he can't take it anymore. 

Without a word, he lifts up her skirt, slides in and gives her the pounding of her life until they both orgasm loudly.  Then he zips himself up, gets to his feet and kicks up her arse as hard as he can.


"What the fuck was that for?!", she screams at him.

"That was for not turning round to see who the fuck it was."

P.S: I'm not sleepy.  It's been raining hard tonight.  Gotta find something to do, right? ;p

And The Answer Is...

BOOBIES!

I know a lot of you guessed right! Well it wasn't that hard, was it?

You: You bitch! What's the eff?

Me: Hey! Don't shout at me.  I was sick and was in need of entertainment.  I thought I'd ask you all a simple question with an obvious answer but knowing you guys, I was sure many of you would think it's a trick question.  *reach for her crystal ball* 

You: Well...

Me: See? Now you're shaking your head and despite yourself, a chuckle escaped your lips.  *put away the crystal ball*

You:  But Jo, that's foolish, isn't it?  And quit rubbing it in - the fact that your boobs are perfect!

Me: I swear I'm not rubbing it in and my boobs are not perfect.  Have you read the post before the previous one? Mmm...Honey Lips believes I'm a Superwoman - his Superwoman.  You know love is blind, right? So there you go...

You:  Uh huh...

Me: Okay...so you had a good laugh...at my expense...right? Good...Now what about the new template? Ya diggin' it? ;p

A Morning Puzzle

"You know what's good about them?", Honey Lips asked while holding them.

"They never answer back, they respond to my touch, and they are pretty", he continued, while I looked at him with a smile on my face.

"They are just perfect...look at them...", he further added.

Now I ask you, my smart readers, what or who is Honey Lips talking about? ;p

One Picture Says It All

Photo Source

Why Me?

A few minutes earlier...

"Hmm, what's so fascinating about you that men go ga-ga over you or your like huh?", I asked while I critically examined them closer.

They were right there, comfortably plopped atop my folded arms, as if they're ready to strike a provocative pose.

I peered closer, left to right, right to left and, "Oh! One of you is bigger than the other...", I exclaimed in surprise, "...way bigger!"

"What's up with that?", I mumbled.

"I know not being symmetrical is nothing serious but holy tamale! You are way bigger than the right one, Left Booby!"

Ugh.

P.S: I had to pen this down, for those who got no boobies! LMAO! Sue me not...

Bitchin'

Every time Honey Lips and I plan on having sex (due to his hectic schedule, we gotta plan!), we fall asleep on each other; sometimes during foreplay! Now you must be saying: "Well, I understand Honey Lips works hard, so he can be excused but what about you? Why do you fall asleep?".

Don't worry, my crystal ball doesn't reveal pertinent secrets, only the obvious ones.  Plus, I ask myself the same question.  I don't do any manual work (remember the old bitch who said my hands are smooth? Yea...there you go...).  As soon as I lie down in bed, my eyes start feeling heavy and before I know it, I'm nodding off like a baby.  What's the reason? I don't have a scooby.

Very often, we catch up in the mornings, all the while discussing who fell asleep the first the previous night. And we always blame each other.  And then after sex, I get bitchy.  It's like the sexual climax releases hatred into my weak system and I bitch like a bitch.  I make noise at everything.  For that too, I got no explanation.

And why the hell am I telling you all this?

Just wanna bitch, that's all.

kthxbai.

The Mercurial Wife Interviews - Who?

I'm breaking my blogging pattern! I was going to wait until Monday to publish this post but I can't contain my excitement any longer!

Remember the blog interview I did of Lizzy Marie from It's Unbeweavable?  Well, I thought of making it a monthly feature! For the slow thinkers - I'm having a monthly blog feature: The Mercurial Wife Interviews.  I even made a button for it.  Check it out.

So who's the interviewee of the month, you ask? Most of you know her.  Some of you even follow her amazing blog.  To most of us, her honesty is like a breath of fresh air; and to a few, it's an annoyance.  Writing for her represents more than just a passing hobby.  She has a...what? Okay! I'll tell you who she is!

Drumroll please....

It's KANWAL from Kanwalful Meets World! Yes, ladies and gentlemen, she graciously agreed to sit on the pink chair! Let's get to know her better...

1. What does Kanwal mean?
Kanwal means “Water Lily”. So essentially, I am this one, big, fat, beautiful flower floating aimlessly on water.

2.  When were you born? Date, month and year please.
Why do you want to know? But okay, if you insist. November 1st 1988.
I’m expecting lots of presents, now that I’ve told you guys. And maybe a surprise birthday party or two.

3.  Since when did you want to do a journalism course and why?
I don’t really know. I think some time when I was in the 11th grade. And at that point I only wanted to do it because Journalism meant writing for a living. And since I was in love with writing, doing it for a living seemed awesome.

But now, I think it has a little more meaning attached to it.

4.  Many have accused/accuse you of speaking ill about your own country.  Does it hurt you?
No. Nothing hurts me. Except when the McDonald’s guy lies about delivering the meal in 40 minutes and does it in 60 mins instead.

5.  In some Western countries with Muslims populations, the hijaab has been banned.  Do you think it's a fair law?
Not at all. I STRONGLY advocate freedom of attire. If you are allowed to be naked then you sure as hell should be allowed to NOT be naked.

6.  How important is it to wear a hijaab in Pakistan? To what extent does religion have a bearing on Muslim women to cover their face?It is not important at all to wear a hijaab in Pakistan. There are no laws enforcing it. Maybe in the rural areas women do it more often than in the urban areas, as it is a part of their culture.

But many Muslim women, in the urban areas in Pakistan, CHOOSE to do it because it is, in essence, preserving the dignity of the woman by not making her an object of sexual desire.

I do it because it makes me feel like I have more to give to the world than my beautiful hair or body. And when people pay attention to me despite the fact that I am not looking as physically attractive as ‘xyz’ girl in skinny jeans, I know that it is because I have the brains to rise above a bikini.

7.  You meet the president of the United States.  What is the first thing you'll tell him?
If it is the ex, Bush – I would probably just blow up right there and then. No not literally, you baboons. Verbal suicide bombing. I need to know HOW killing innocent people in Afghanistan – both American soldiers and Afghanis – is War against terror. It is, more appropriately War against Humanity.

If it is Obama I am meeting I would want to know what he has lined up in his “things to do”. And how he and Michelle get along so well. Taking a few relationship tips here and there won’t hurt nobody.

8.  You come face to face with Osama Bin Laden.  What is the first thing you'll tell him?
Dude. What is up with the picture quality? All the videos you send are so blurred. Ever heard of the Canon Vixia HF200? Heck, even cell phone cameras take better videos these days. You need to catch up with the latest technology if you want to get anywhere with your film production.

9.   Describe one positive influence the Western world has brought to Pakistan.
Food? Now we get all kinds of fast food/continental cuisine in Pakistan.

On a more serious note, I think people in Pakistan, especially those in the upper strata of society, are wildly influenced by the Western World and are suffering from irrevocable identity crises.

10.  Describe one positive influence Pakistan has brought to the Western world.
Uh. Um. Food? Now you get biryani and samosas in Chicago!

11.  What makes you utterly happy?
Having McDonalds with Anes (My husband). Big Mac + Anes = Bliss.

12.  Your written English is way beyond 'excellent'.  Who or what do you have to thank for that?
No one. It's all my effort. Okay?

Well, to be honest I used to read a lot. And my mom WAS quite the evil one, when it came to making me work on my written/spoken English.

13.  One regular phrase you over-use?
“You’re a baboon” and “as opposed to”. I say it ALL THE FRICKIN’ TIME.

14.  Have you ever stolen anything? If yes, then what?
Yeah. I stole Anes’ heart. And I am so not giving it back.

15.  Ever thought of writing a book? If yes, then what genre?
I’ve been attempting to write a book since I was ten or eleven. And to be honest, they would be about some girl going through the exact same things in life that I was going through at that stage. And after that stage was over I would pretty much discard the book. But now, I really want to write a book and I do get inspiration and ideas from time to time. I don’t however give them much consideration because they dissipate after a while and if I am going to be writing a book I want to be consistent in it. And write on something that will blow a few minds here and there. I want to write a suicide bomber of a book.

16.  Teach me and your lovely readers a word in Urdu? Make it two words!
“Tu bilkul pagal hai” – means, “you are completely retarded”.

17.  What makes you unique?
Well, I wouldn’t want to brag but I am pretty much above the rest of the human species. I have this sinister, yet miraculous ability to turn people into brainless baboons.

I am kind of working on a project right now, whereby I will use my blog to drain the brains out of ya’all. When I’m done I’ll rule over the world.  And no one will even have the intellectual ability to pull a Sherlock Holmes.

18.  Can I beg you for a picture of your favorite dress or lehnga (is that how it's called?)?
Yes, for sure lovely. Here you go.

This is a GORGEOUS piece by one of the more upscale Pakistani Designers – HSY. I took the picture off his Facebook Page. Obviously the common man a.k.a. moi can never afford such creations because they are outrageously expensive. So all I can do is dream of wearing such a beauty and then get over it.

19.  Have you ever cheated while fasting? Like take a sip of water when no one's watching? ;p
Of course. Hasn’t everyone?

The last time I did it was when I was eleven though. I had just come back from playing volley-ball at school and I could simply NOT resist the temptation of having ice cold water run down my throat. God will forgive me, I think. Because I was really thirsty and small.

20.  Do you believe in ghosts? If yes, then tell us why.
Well not in ghosts per se, but in the super natural. I know for a fact that the world is composed of entities apart from the ones that we actually see and encounter in every day life. I think most of my belief in the supernatural is carved out of the proof given by my religion, about their existence. But I also know lots of people who have had some kind of association/stumbled upon the supernatural beings and that is the cherry on top of my cake of belief.

Interviewer's note:  Kanwal is such a delightful creature and I thank her for being so candid.  It was a pleasure having you on the pink chair Kanwal! ;p Those who are not following her, check out her blog!

And watch the space for the next month issue of The Mercurial Wife Interviews...who will be sitting on the pink chair next?;p

A Small Thank You!

I have a confession.

No matter how busy I am, my narcississistic (oh quiet! It's deliberate!;p) self signs in on Blogger everyday to check on the number of followers I have.  You do it too so no need for that 'Bitch!' I'm psychic! Boo!

Anyitsmyshitway, I know I don't follow you all back but I would like to.  So please leave a comment (even your blog link...I'm not going to bash anyone...self-promoting goes a long way my lovelies...I tell ya!) and I'll do my utmost best to follow y'all back!

So when I see I have new followers, my heart gets all warm and fuzzy.  I thank you all - my old and new followers for sticking by my side. 

Photo Credit

Enjoy your day my darlings! ;p

It's Funny Now...

I know I keep saying I miss you guys. It's so true.  I'm spending less and less time reading blogs or writing posts because I'm drowned in immigration-related paperwork, medical tests, visits to my lawyer's office and other less significant tasks.  By the time I come home, my anger management issues rise to the forefront because before leaving the house in the mornings I don't make the bed.  I get rushed.  So yes, coming back home to an unmade bed, a laundry basket on the verge of exploding, and then socks and shoes scattered everywhere on the bedroom floor - that's not a pretty sight nor a mood lightener. 

Anyway, I have to tell you all something that happened to me - well, two somethings actually - on Friday night.  Honey Lips and I went to that Pissy Leaks Club. Remember? We went there because everything is back to normal (uh huh) and we thought of spending only a couple of hours in said club.

It was a hot night and I chose to wear a short black, strapless dress.  Sans bra.  I usually flat-ironed my hair when I go clubbing but that night, I didn't have the energy to straighten out my unruly hair.  With a few twists, I made a knot and let the ends sit on my left shoulder.  I was looking different and Honey Lips' libido kinda skyrocketed and he wouldn't stop groping me in the club.  For the first time, that irritated me.  After a few awkward maneouvres, I managed to make him stand in front of me, while I embraced him from the back.

"Stay here.  I'll be behind you this time.  And hug you...", I shouted at him.  I had to.  The music was loud.



The music picked up after a while and we were dancing like crazy people.  I slightly moved away from him so I could catch a breath or two when I felt this sudden rush of cold air in my bosom area.  Panicky, I looked down and OMG! there they were! My titsoruses proudly out for all to see! The shame ...you know how they say something about wishing the floor would open and swallow you up stuff? Yes, that! It was horrible.

Not quickly enough, I pulled my dress up and held tightly onto my unsuspecting husband and shamefully looked around to see if anyone saw me and my girls.  Unfortunately, I couldn't tell because it was too dark.  But then I heard the women dancing next to us chuckling.  Oh Sweet Dickens!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Half an hour later, Honey Lips suggested we leave the dancefloor and go up in the VIP lounge.  I promptly nodded and followed him.  I didn't tell him anything...yet.  As soon as we stepped into the VIP section, we met a few friends of his, ones I've never met before.  So HL begun the necessary introductions.  I shook hands with them and smiled when one of the women pleasantly exclaimed, with my hand still in hers: "Oh your hand is so smooth!".

"Excuse me?", I said.

She turned to Honey Lips and said, "Her hands are very soft and smooth.  She doesn't work hard enough", and then she started to laugh!

 "Mine are soft and smooth too", Honey Lips breathed out, "and I work hard.  My wife doesn't need to work hard.  I love them soft and smooth by the way."

Old bitch!

I was in too good a mood to let her rattle my cage.  Honey Lips and I spent the rest of the night, by the bar, laughing like crazy people in love...with the sad titepisode, willingly pushed to the back of my mind...