Amazing Finds

I need to really sit down and write a unique blog post but in the meantime, here's a post dedicated to other interesting stuff I found on the Internet.  ;p

1.  Barbie Football

Read more here.

2.  King of all Herrings

[via]

3.  Pink Dolphins

                                      

For more, visit here.

4.  Pretty Mugs

More original mugs here.

5.  Digital Flower

More details here.

6.  Books Installation

Visit this site for more.

7.  Creative and Modern Bathtubs

Feast your eyes on more unique bathtubs here.

8.  Liger (Half-breed lion and tiger)

Read more here.

That's all for today folks! ;p

Where You And I Laugh Till We Spill Our Guts

Monday sucked for you?

Well it's a brand new day today.  Forget why your boss shouted at you yesterday.  Forget the bus you missed yesterday morning and consequently reached to work late.  Forget everything bad that happened to you yesterday.  Unless you love Mondays and nothing and no-one can make you feel like a dead-ass rat on a Monday morning.

Well if you visit my my blog to have a laugh then I promise you, it won't be any different today because what I have for you is pure cruelty but in a funny way.  You can be cruel and funny at the same time, can't you?  Good! I knew it.

Okay.  Enough of my blabbering and let's get that funny bone of yours tickled pink.

What you'll find below is some snapshots of Yahoo! Answers Hall of Shame.  I came across them while browsing my boring Sunday away.  And I did my best to come up with the best answers I could.  Grab that cup of coffee girl (or fix your glasses....oh you drink tea? Me too! What brand?...Hello! We're talking about Yahoo! dumb-ass questions here!....Gee girl, calm down, we'll talk tea in another post...kthks!) and read on!

You'll crack the jar if you fart in it...(got it?)

Gee I don't know.  I guess if you do forget how to breathe, we won't have to read any more of your dumb-ass questions? Good riddance it will be!

Just like you get used to having a fucking penis shoved up your crack?

Have you ever heard of the hospital?  You know, the place where little green men and women run around naked, smoking weed (ref. to Nurse Jackie) because they got nothing better to do? Because people like you, instead of getting off your arse and seeking professional/medical help, you prefer switching on your PC, open a Yahoo! browser and type away your silly question.

Ha! I couldn't come up with a better answer than The End's.

Are you kidding me?  You know how to post a question on Yahoo! but don't know how to use a calculator?

Call E.T.  He might know who kidnapped you.  But first you have to call Spielberg to get E.T's phone number.  Or Drew Barrymore!

I would like to add: Just like you put on weight when your brain registers new information.

If you want to see where fools congregate visit Funny Yahoo! Answers!

Now let's hear your answers! Because I know a lot of you can come up with better answers than mine! ;p

Chop, chop!

Week-end Tidbits

Honey Lips: I want a power nap.

Me: Go have one.

HL: I want one with you by my side.

Me: Why?

HL: It'll be more powerful. [insert eye roll here please]

I end up having a power nap while he lies awake with me snoring lightly in his ears...

-----------------

HL:  Wanna ring my bell?
Me: Have you got a door?

HL: Wanna crack my nut?
Me: If I get a hammer I will...

HL: Ewww....that thought is so gross....

So why ask?


-----------------


On to un-boring stuff:


I got two awards last week!  I'll put them up and write my thanks soon! 


How was your weekend my lovelies?

When Love And Love Collide...

You get a battle of egos.  And you hear a lot of toot! toot! toot!

The love I'm talking about is not love for someone else, it's about self-love.

Shameless self-love.  The my-fart-smells-better-than-yours-and-you're-just-jealous kinda love.

 [via]

Know someone like that?  I know plenty.  And my fart smells better than yours! And...and...you're just jealous!

I'm surrounded by black men.  Yes I know.  Heaven! Another reason for you to be envious. Toot! Toot!

AnyIamjustyankingyourlegway, the pleasure of feasting your eyes on big, beautiful black men comes with a high price-tag: the ear boner.  Not in a pleasant way.  Totally not.  Oh no!

"We're stopping here.  Okay Hun?", Honey Lips would say.

"Are you asking me or telling me?", that would be my reply usually.

Oh no! Look who's here.  Penis 1, Penis 2, Penis 3, Penis 4, Penis 5, and Penis 6.  I'm the only one with front slits! Someone please give me a pair of ear muffs!

Rather reluctantly, I would accept a drink from either one of them and pull out my phone.  Of course, I would barf out the expected banter when and where necessary.  I'm good at that! 

And then, it's all:

"What do you know about cars? I had the first convertible in the country.  It was red.  Everybody would stop and stare when I drive into town."


"My car surround system is the shiiittt!"


"I play the best music in my car.  Nobody can touch me on that."

"Who was the first man to start DJ-ing? Me!"

"DJ Shriveling-Dick can't play shit.  His music collection is limited."

"Her? Yes I know her.  Very well.  But how do you know her?" (Duh)


"I had the prettiest girl.  Remember?"


"My house parties were the best."


"I lost my virginity to the maid at the tender age of 10!"


"I opened a club when I was 20."


"She's now with Mr. Stinking-Ass-Rich-With-A-Short-Dick...but she had a son with Mr. Who-Doesn't-Bother-With-Condoms-And-Have-Millions-Of-Other-Kids-With-Other-Women."


"Mr. Who-Everybody-Thinks-Has-HIV bred Miss Who-Once-Was-A-Pretty-Young-Thing-And-Now-She's-Just-A-Pair-Of-Loose-Lips."


"He moved to the States and he owes Mr. Croesus thousands of money.  He can't come back here.  He'll get killed."


"Yes man.  He got lashed by a woman.  Remember how he was boasting about beating the crap out of Mr Weak-Muscles? All lies..."


"I got the biggest house in the neighborhood!"


The list is endless and I can write a book about it...but I won't...Just listening to those Penises is enough.  Plus, I'm pretty sure when there are only Penises around, they talk more about Pussies than their precious car or house.

[insert an eye roll here please]

Author's note:  This is not to say that only and all black men brag.  I'm sure you have men from other races who do it too.  But my entourage is a combination of black people and well...black people! Heck, I sleep with one every night.  So no I'm not bashing the Black community.  I love them.  Else I wouldn't be where I'm at.  But let's face it, you know how a brother likes to toot his own horn! Honey Lips does it.  Sometimes it's cute and other times it's not.  Deal with it.  I am. 

Look What I've Found!

Usually when I'm alone at home while Honey Lips is busting his ass off to make that dough, I either watch TV or simply surf the net.  And tonight, I chose the net (TV sucks ass tonight) and came across some interesting stuff which I would like to share with all of you. 


So without much further ado, let's have a peep at what I've found:

• Creatively crafted candles that'll blow you away....

For more fantabulous candle designs go over to Cafe Terra.

• Top 10 Unusual Use of Beer (Very informative!) 
• Top 10 Bizarre Food Ingredient (You'll thank me after reading this.)
• Christiano Ronaldo has ugly feet.  (Yep...I never liked him, however sexy some find him to be.)
• If I were a Nudist I'd be having a house like this. (The house in the the third picture.)
• Amazing Photoshop Manipulations

For more go here.

I think that'll be all for tonight. Enjoy! ;p

Share your opinions in the below comment box!

Slutty Girl, Manly Man and Classy Woman

We are assuming.

And no.  Nobody will make an ass of you and I.  We'll be fine.  If they do, then we shoot them right between the eyes.  Right? Perfect.

And remember we are assuming.

Slutty Girl is flirting with Manly Man.  She practically throws herself on his face.  She's the on-your-face-type of woman who thinks being born in the ghetto is a plus point.  Oh and she's from Big City.

Manly Man tells Classy Woman - who is also his better half, about Slutty Girl.  Manly Man and Classy Woman make fun of Slutty Girl and have a good laugh at her expense.

A few days later, Manly Man is sitting on a two-seat couch, next to Slutty Girl, with barely a few inches to spare, and they are both enjoying a beer.  Talking.  Chatting.  Whatever.

Classy Woman passes by and catches them enjoying a conversation.

Of course Classy Woman is taken aback. And confronts Slutty Girl and Manly Man.

Slutty Girl swears nothing happened.  Manly Man swears they were just talking.

Classy Woman is skeptical and kicks up a fuss.

Now my beautiful people, I ask you.

Is it reason enough for Manly Man and Classy Woman to break up?  Should they call it quits?  Has Manly Man betrayed Classy Woman by sparing Slutty Girl a few minutes of his time?

What say you?

I need your input.  Spit it out...

Let's Have An Awesome Clap!

"Honey, scratch my back please.  Right there...bit to the right...yesss...oww!"

Honey Lips and I are lying down in bed, watching TV.  Every time he asks me to scratch his back, I hurt him.  So he says.  

"Rub slowly, gently and firmly", he pleaded.

"Slowly, gently and what?", I asked.

"Firmly".

"How do you do gentle and firm at the same time?", I frowningly questioned him.

And his brilliant answer was, "Just like a cock enters a pussy...gently and firmly!"

I rest my case.

A couple of Law & Order Series later...

"Where's my poem?", I begged.

Honey Lips has a romantic soul.  Many times, out of the blue, while hugging me, he would recite a poem.  Most of the times they don't make sense but it's sweet of him to spit a few rhymes just for me.  It's been a while he hasn't performed.  Poetically speaking of course.

"You're not Byron.  I'm not asking you to write a masterpiece.", I complained to him.

"Baby, everything I do is a masterpiece!"  

And that's how my husband rolls.

Now before I continue, let me clarify that we've been on very good terms for the past few weeks, he and I.  We had a huge row last month.  So as I say, it's not always rosy.

Back to today, an hour before, he and I are in the car, on our way back home...

This is me, about to rhyme for my wife Johana

Just in time 

What I'm about to do for you you'd like

This is a poem I'm gonna recite

Stress of the week-end...stress of the week-end

Went in town

To have a frown*

Looking around

A place called Beertown**

Get in trouble

On the double

You know for sure Jo

You burst my bubble

Went back home

I began to cry

Oh god baby I don't wanna lie!

*Frown - He meant "to have a laugh".  He changed it because of the rhyme.

**Beertown - Actually I changed the name of the place but it ends with 'town'.

If you've read the previous post you'd understand the poem.... ;p

Yes I love him too...

Now to more awesome stuff....I got another award!!

I know, I know...I'm awesome... ;p

This one is from Stacy over at Stacy Says. Thank you honey...you're the best!

I'm sharing it with:

1. It's Em
2. Lovely Violet
3. Nuke Girl
4. Kanwalful Meets World
5. Andhari
6. OfficeGirl
7. MKL
8. Annika
9. Tina
10. Susie Q

Some of you, I've just met but I would like our blogging relationship to become much more than that! ;p

A blessed week to all of my readers and new followers.  

My Pirate Got Doped Up

"What happened yesterday?!", my dear husband, groggily, asked me on Saturday morning.

I took immense pleasure in telling him what exactly happened...

Before I explain further, let me give you a quick run-down on how we live on smaller islands on week-ends.  First, the week-end starts on Thursdays.  For some, it's on Wednesdays.  You wake up.  You have a beer for breakfast, another beer for lunch, another one for dinner and gazillion of beers in between.  If you have a job then you have beers after 5 in the afternoon until Monday morning.  Rum is acceptable too.  Whatever rocks your dinghy really.

{via}

So that's it basically.  Drown your sorrow, happiness, frustrations, depression and what-nots in alcohol.

And believe you me.  Most of them have a stomach of steel!

Just like Honey Lips.

But last Friday, somebody out of spite spiked his fifth drink with Xtasy! And here goes my husband, on a high roll, swearing like a pissed-off motherfucker.  He hit two cars and got locked up.  Luckily, the traffic officers didn't press any charges.  Neither did the victims.  Honey Lips is a well-known public figure.  A good friend of ours bailed him out and brought him home.

My wifely duties don't include taking care of a pissy husband.  But the good woman I am, I tried.  I got him in the shower where he single-handedly washed off the stink off his skin and breath.  The cold shower didn't douse his lush-ness one iota though! He became more hyper and got dressed (on his own) and decided to go for a stroll!!

"Leave me the fuck alone woman", he barked at me.

I tried to stop him but as a petulant child, he stomped off.  I followed him a few hundred steps until I had to turn back because I wasn't  appropriately dressed and as it is, my neighbors are already fucked up.  Giving them more than they could handle is not in my nature.  I'm tolerant like that.

And off goes my husband.

Hours later, he calls me and,

"You don't care about me.  You don't even call me to find out if I'm okay or not."

"Motherfucker, you told me to leave you the fuck alone.  SO I'm giving you what you want!", I yelled and slammed down the phone.

He came back home just before 9p.m and rushed to his father for his car keys.

"Go relax...You're not getting your car keys.", admonished my father in-law.

Obediently, Honey Lips jumped into bed and went into oblivion in a matter of seconds!

Married life my beautiful arse!

Who said it's fun? Who?

You? I'll hunt you down bitch and kill you!

Endless Blogasm And Somebody Else's Guy

First let's deal with the Blogasm.

I think I should go away more often because apparently when I come back I get awards!  Who doesn't like awards? Who doesn't like being appreciated?

I do!!

Anyiloveyouallway, I received the Prolific Blogger Award and the Master Award, from Annika and Andre respectively.  They are awesome.  I am awesome.  All of you are awesome.  We all are awesome. (No world peace and we won't get there either but keep being awesome!)

The Prolific Blogger award is passed on to those who are "intellectually productive...keeping up an active blog that is filled with enjoyable content" and I'm forwarding the love to:

1. Stacy Says (Most regular blogger I know and always entertaining.)
2. Tales of a Little Man (Although he doesn't blog as often as I'd like, his posts are a pleasure to read.)
3. Steeling Spoon (Her stories are as real as the air you breathe and she has you on the edge of your seat.)
4. Kanwalful Meets World (I'm a big fan of her writing and she tells you as it is.  No frills.  Just bare truth.)
5. A Blonde Walks Into A Blog (She is so creative and her blog posts make you think: Why didn't I think of that?)

Now for the Master Award - I'm not really sure what's the meaning of this award but judging from the above picture I would say it's given to those who are strong, both physically and emotionally? I don't know.  This award makes me want to take up Karate lessons and kick some ass! 

Here goes:

1. Gubraithian Fire (She is a delight to read and always delivering beyond expectations.)
2. Nuke Girl (She kicks ass! And Awesome is her second name.)
3. Magpie (I just started following her and believe me, she's already one of my favorites.)
4. Pavement Chaser (She's so under-rated that it's not funny.  You will definitely love her.  I do.)

And to end it all, I'm leaving you with a song that everybody knows, Jocelyn Brown - Somebody Else's Guy. This song's been in my head for the most part of the afternoon today and I can't get rid of it.  Why don't musicians produce beats like that anymore?  Get boogied up while I suck on those M&Ms...

**UPDATE**
I received another award from the Lovely Violet! 

Many thanks! Love you all... ;p

I Did The Dawg And The 10 Puppies

"Are you having a good time? You enjoying yourself?", he sweetly asked.


I nodded.  Like an excited and slightly (more than) drunk puppy.  


I was feeling light-headed and felt like no one is sexier than me.  I'm THE sexiest! Everybody wants me.  Everybody is looking at  me. I'm having the time of my life.  


It's weird how alcohol boosts your self-confidence and turn you into one of those women you hate when you are sober and sane.  


We were at the All White Party in the 'burbs.  Honey Lips decided to take me to the party since I've been sick.  I'm still not 100% recovered but hey! any excuse to party I'm in!


I wasn't wearing anything white unless you count the white beads on my slippers.  I was bloating.  When you bloat you do NOT wear white.  No matter how skinny you are.  There are women who disregard that rule.  If you're fat don't wear white.  You'll look fatter.  There. I said it.  Yes.  White makes you look FATTER! 


50% of women in that bash were fat.  And were wearing white.  Boastfully showing off their fat rolls to whomever might care to stare.  Like me. Don't get me wrong.  I'm not a size-zero chick.  I'm fat as compared to the pictures you see on the magazines.  But I make sure I try to camouflage my extra grease when I dress up.  I neither hate fat people.  Or thick, as some of you sugarcoat it refer to fat people.  


Before I get bashed let me reiterate: I. AM. NOT. HATING. ON. FAT. PEOPLE.


So yes, I was enjoying myself so much.  Then it was time to go home.  


The following morning, I woke up quite late.  Honey Lips was already up and telling his friend about last night.


And I hear, "Johana did the dawg and the 10 puppies..."


Huh?! What?! What did I do?  Was I that drunk?  I remember every damn thing but me doing the dawwg and the 10 puppies...


I questioningly looked at him and he motioned to me to hold on.


Hanging up, then he explained, "That's the new lingo me and X (his friend) came up with."


"But what the hell does it mean?", I queried, confused.


"Did I really do the dog?", I added, alarmed.


He broke up in laughter (must have been the comical expression I had on my face) and clarified, "It means when you enjoyed the most.  You had fun more than anybody else. You outdid everyone else. Or like an underdog."


Ah...  


"So...?"


"You were in your element last night.  I've never seen you danced like that. Awww come here...", he further added, extending his arms to hug me.


And there I was, thinking:


 "Poor thing, he doesn't know how reckless I can get when I suck on alcohol.  Especially Hennessy...Or maybe he does know.  Oh yes he knows how I uninhibitedly behave when I'm all super lush! Maybe he was jealous because usually he gets to do the dog and all the 10 puppies!  That's why he doesn't let me drink more than 2 glasses when we're out...selfish bastard...wanting the dogs all for himself..."

I'm Back Baby!

My lovelies!


I'm back!


I took a break for almost 2 weeks.  No laptop, no PC, and no phone.  It was great!  I had fun.  


This brief hiatus from technology reminded me how simple life can be and yet exciting.  


And I intend on 'staying away' from all things technology from time to time and enjoy a tech-free life.  ;p


Plus I was sick.  I'm 99% better.


So what have you all been up to?


I have lots of blogs to read and I'll get there, slowly but surely.


Did you miss me?


I sure did miss you all!


Anyway happy Friday to each and every one of you...

The Happy Award

Yesterday I found out I got another award! 

Elizabeth W from Fallingfromprams passed the Happy 101 Award to me! 

Yay! Liz and I haven't interacted much but it was so sweet of her to honor me with this sweet-as-cupcakes-award.  Thank you so much Liz!!! Sending truckloads of hugs to you...

Show her some love and visit her blog.  She is one of the under-rated bloggers who need encouragement and support from the blogging community.  She truly does.

So now the rules:

1.  Thanks the nominator.  

                           

                         {via}

2.  List things that make you happy.

• Food! I love food. ;p
• Spending quality time with Honey Lips
• Spending the day at the beach
• Sex
• Ice Cream
• Watching NCIS/Dexter
• Hanging out with good friends
• Shopping
• Knowing that my loved ones are safe
• Talking to my best friend
• PDA
• Music

The list goes on...

3.  Tag some people who are amazing and happy, or should be happy, and contact them.  

1. It's Em
2. No One Reads The Copy
3. Pavement Chaser
4. When My Thoughts Go Tainted
5. Hipstercrite
6. Notes From Underground
7. Everything But The Kitchen Sink
8. Brunch At Barneys

Congrats y'all! ;p

No Rest For The Wicked

Last night Honey Lips made me a nice cup of tea.  His friend made us dinner and this morning, he prepared breakfast for us - pancakes, eggs and sausages.  I'm stoked!

But not as much as early this morning.  Honey Lips came waking me up gently.  He starts his day as early as possible.  Before taking a shower he usually makes sure I'm up.

"How are you feeling?", he asked.

"Better than yesterday", I mumbled.

"You look better than yesterday", he emphasized.

I nodded.

I got up and went to pee while he went to check on his friends who are staying over.  I was opening the tap in the shower cubicle when I feel his hands on my waist.  He turns me around and, well you know what follows next...

So yes, I get no rest at all, even when I'm coughing my pretty ass off...

But hey I'm feeling much better...!

{via}

I'm Brain Dead...

I'm still sick. Looks like it's getting worse.  

My sense of humor, as well as my brain, is on lock-down.  

I'm thinking of doing a second installment of the Blogger SOS series later.

If you have any HTML-related queries drop me a line in the comment box below.  

I reiterate: I'm not an HTML/CSS expert but I'm willing to help those who need it.  You don't have to pay me.  It's free. Remember I'm trying to purge my sins and that's my way of sucking up to the Big Guy.  

So yes, go ahead and hit me with your questions.  

And a big hello to my new followers.  Welcome to my blog.  I'm sick.  Have you got any homemade cures to get rid of phlegms?  Please share if you do have.  I hate taking pills or syrup.  Thank you.

My old followers, pitch in too and share whatever remedies you're aware of.  

I'm going to have a cup of bush (herbal) tea.

Enjoy your week!

Shake The Johnson Instead!

Disclaimer:  This post is NSFW!

My father-in-law is away for two weeks and I'm hogging his living room.  Why?  His living room is way cooler than mine.  Plus he has a set of Lazyboys! I don't need much convincing.  So I thought I would spend Saturday on the Lazyboy, with my feet well propped up, watching TV.  Honey Lips is helping the two electricians we called on to fix some electrical issue we're having at home.

Mmmm...it feels good.  I'm licking an ice cream cone when...

The Shake Weight ad came on!

Are you serious?

That ad is dripping with sexual connotations!

Have you seen it yet?

For those who haven't here's a peek.





As you can see and hear, it's "the newest invention in exercise".  Hilarious, isn't it?
I have a better solution.  FOR FREE!  
Yes! That's it!  
You have a boyfriend, a husband, a live-in lover, a fucking buddy?  Then you do NOT need to buy the Shake Weight!  Just get down on your knees (or stand up; whatever rocks your boat!) and get the Johnson shaking.  Not only will it give you sexy arms but while squatting your butt will get fixed up too!  2-in-friggin'-1...or 3-in-friggin'-1 (if you count the gyrating of the waist too).  You can also add oral stimulation to the daily regime.  Your double-chin will be taken care of.  
Now the mammoth task of "manual sexual stimulation" seems more appealing than before, doesn't it?  I mean not only do I get him off (my back) but I get rid of the extra flab in my arms.  
Wear sleeveless unembarrassedly and show off those no-longer-hanging-loose arms you got for gratis!
You better get to work now...Summer is just around the corner!

Blogger SOS - Part I

Earlier, after posting about my poor health, I remembered someone once telling me how Cognac is good to fight off an imminent influenza.  Since I don't have any Cognac at home but Hennessy and Vodka, I settled on the latter.  Laced with Cranberry juice and with a small inaudible prayer, I bravely took a sip.  

I can't say it worked.  Maybe because I smoked twice after.  Or maybe it'll work tomorrow, after a good night's sleep.  

Honey Lips left a while ago on a duty call.  So I'm all alone.  

I started reading some blogs and for some reason, today I've come across a few bloggers who are clueless about HTML and/or CSS coding.  While HTML is not that hard, I know it can get pretty confusing sometimes; especially to those who aren't familiar with back-end coding.  Now I'm not an expert.  In 2003, I learned HTML (basic) for my degree and as soon as I finished my course I completely forgot about anything I picked up then.

And when I started blogging, I realized that, to give my blog a personal polish, I need to re-educate myself on HTML.  That's where Google came in handy.  I Google-d my way through and started digging for HTML/CSS online tutorials.  There are loads of HTML/CSS goodies out there and my generous heart reckoned that to score more points with God, I need to share my knowledge.  So I decided to put down lists of sites where you can find your way through to improve your blog and give it that personal look you so crave.  It'll be more like a series.  

So here goes the first instalment:

Free Blogger Templates (No need to right-hand click.  Just Click!)

1. Btemplates
2. Blogger Style
3. Deluxe Template
4. Falcon Hive
5. Blogger Themes
6. Cheth Studios
7. Anshul Dudeja
8. Nymfont
9. Our Blog Templates
10. Templates Block
11. Dante Araujo
12. Beautiful Blog Designs 
13. Free Backgrounds

Of course there are more other options and you can always leave the link in the comment section! 

I Am Flu-tilicious!

I think I'm coming down with something.  

Dry coughs and a sore throat.  Plus my body temperature is soaring minute by minute.

It's ugly.  

Anyhopeigetbettersoonway, I'll try posting something tonight or tomorrow!

Happy Friday to you all and have a great week-end!

I Like That Shit

When I just met Honey Lips the first thing I noticed about him is that he doesn't like being affectionate in public. Whereas I, I love that shit.  It makes me feel on top of the world when my man kisses me, touches me boobies, caresses my hair and doesn't give a hoot about the on-lookers.

For years, I complained to him.  I would like some public display of affection dammit!

And you know what? I'm a woman and women always get their ways.  At whatever costs.

And now he wouldn't hesitate in smooching me in front of whoever. He knows I like that shit.

So yesterday afternoon, HL, his father and I are on the front porch, enjoying the sun and having a chat.  HL grabbed me and hugged me tight.  Then started kissing me on my forehead, my cheeks, my nose...

And all the time, I had my eyes closed, basking in his love-induced attention.

"You like that huh?", he whispered.

"Mmmm..."

Laughingly he then said out loud, "You are so...twat-ish!"

What?!

Unwanted Guests

I was in my living room, reading blogs when somebody knocked on the door.  I turned around and saw one of Honey Lips' family friends standing outside the glass door, her eyes big and curious, trying to peer inside my house.  I usually keep the doors closed and pull the curtains on one side to let the lights in.


"Now what?!", I half-mumbled and half-growled.  


"Hey Aunty X! What's up? How are you?", I forced a smile.  


"I'm good.  How are you? I came by to see Mr. Y (my father in law). Where is he?", she asked.


"He must be over by him, let me check", I obliged.


"You're putting on weight man! You're eating too much.", she laughingly pointed at my belly.


"Or is it a baby there?", she tried to touch my belly but I stopped her by putting MY hands over MY belly, rubbing it and said, "No, on the contrary I've considerably lost weight but the belly keeps growing..."


What the mother?


Every time she comes by she tells me I look fat or asks me if I'm pregnant! I don't have anything to tell her except for the usual, courteous pleasantries.  And obviously neither does she.  That's why, I think, she brings up the weight and pregnancy conversations.  


Spare me God! I'm too nice to even think of sharp ripostes to her intrusive and ungracious queries.  I just clam up and feign a grin.  It's only when the bitch leaves that I let go of the pent-up annoyance and vow to myself that next time, I'll have her shut the C**T up.